Merry Fristmas

'Twas the week before Christmas
and all through the House,
the congressmen grumbled
and started to grouse.

"We've carefully crafted
our measures to hide
any hint of goodwill.
Now the Senate's denied

Our attempt to have all
Civil liberties sacked
By renewing a barely
Changed PATRIOT act;

And drilling in ANWR
Was set to commence
Until the damn Senate
Cut that from Defense!

So our stockings are empty
As we're set to recess
But before we go home
We just have to express

Our seasonal greeting
That 'Never you fear,
If we don't get it now,
You just wait 'til next year!'"


Postponing Debate, Congress Extends Terror Law 5 Weeks
By Sheryl Gay Stolberg, The New York Times, 12/23/05

Finding solace in the solstice

This concern over greetings is rot!
Will my wishes be P.C. or not?
After weighing the trends,
I'll seek equal offense
And express them so "X" marks the spot.

Merry Xmas
Peace on earth
Good will toward men all

Church groups confront Wal-Mart for dropping Christmas message
By Tom Chorneau, San Jose Mercury News, 12/17/05
[And there are so many better reasons to attack Wal-Mart!]

History 102

Now dear students, it only is fair
That we seek to contrast and compare:
Was Bush-ordered spying
And pattern of lying
On a par with the Clinton affair?

Bigger brother
Editorial, Los Angeles Times, 12/18/05

Patriots Act! - call to action

I posted the following back in June but it, again, seems relevant.

It's time that each citizen be sure
How we act as to 'search' and to 'seizure:'
When rights are erased
By Congress, in haste,
We get to repent it at leisure!

"Married in haste, we may repent at leisure."
- William Congreve (1670-1729)
English dramatist
from The Old Bachelor, act v. sc. 1.

Contact your representatives and ask for an annulment!

If that's not enough to inspire you, check out Cowtown Pattie's more reasoned argument.

and if that's not enough to convince you, then how about this:

Bush Secretly Lifted Some Limits on Spying in U.S. After 9/11, Officials Say
By James Risen and Eric Lichtblau, The New York Times, 12/15/05

Critics of Patriot Act Gaining Momentum in Senate
By Richard B. Schmitt, Los Angeles Times, 12/16/05

Dyeing for a change?

While thoughts of past tyranny linger
Iraqis might shoot us a zinger;
And seek their redress
On those who oppress,
And give us the purple-stained finger.

Heavy Sunni Turnout as Iraqis Vote for Parliament
By Dexter Filkins, The New York Times, 12/15/05

A message from the sisters at

Gamma Gamma Chi

It's OK if you're wondering why
Would a Muslim sorority try
To open on campus,
But please do not stamp us
"The Sweethearts of al-Qaida Chi."

For Muslims seeking sisterhood, fledgling sorority may be answer
By Jenny Jarvie, Los Angeles Times, 12/11/05

See it now!

Issues, present day journalists duck,
Ed Murrow confronted with pluck.
You're searching for heroes
But turning up zeros?
All I'll say is, "Good Night and Good Luck."

Sure to be on many top 10 lists for 2005, this is a wonderfully complex movie that looks at journalistic integrity in the face of political, societal and commercial pressures and even personal vanity. It's worth the price of admission alone for Dianne Reeves' smoky vocals on the soundtrack. (hint to the Savant's friends and family looking for a last minute gift idea)

News in Black, White and Shades of Gray
By A. O. Scott, The New York Times. 9/23/05

What! No Tilt-A-Whirl?

Our ideal, into real, oft collides
When it's somebody else that decides.
It needed a symbol;
The writing was nimble,
But where were the Carnival rides?

Congratulations from the freak show at the far end of the midway of NEO bloggers.

NEO Nimble Minds Carnival
The first ever carnival of North East Ohio bloggers

All you need is...

Today we're remembering John.
It's twenty-five years since he's gone,
But the legend won't cease.
By imagining Peace,
We insure the idea lives on.

Is Lennon still an icon to the young?
By Stephen Dowling , BBC News, 12/8/05

Poetic license revoked

In Pakistan, poetry came
Done up in the guise of a game.
Initials combine,
One each to a line,
To reveal our real leader by name.

Veiled ode to George Bush deleted from Pakistani textbooks
Alex Kumi, The Guardian, 12/5/05

Revival of the poll tax?

It is true where there's fire, there is smoke,
But suggestion of fraud is a joke.
To require an I.D.
Is suppression, you see.
Why fix it, if it isn't broke?

Senate considers voter-ID provision
Julie Carr Smyth, The Plain Dealer, 12/6/05

No Tenzing Norgay...

To help me out of this one.

This one is for my wife who woke this morning to find me staring at her while I was lost in thought about how I might rewrite my last post. The only story here is the enduring one about how men and women communicate with each other.

While rousing from sleep, half aware;
You ask why it is that I stare.
So, as Hillary noted
And often is quoted;
I tell you, "Because you are there!"

Winner by a nose

Cleveland Clinic was setting the pace
In this cutting edge surgical race.
But then France finished first,
And our surgeons are cursed
With the question of how to save face.

French perform partial face transplant
Cleveland Clinic still plans full procedure
Harlan Spector, The Plain Dealer, 12/1/05

But wait! There's more!

Act now and you will receive one free year of
unexploded ordnance removal and,
as a special gift, a matching set of steak knives!

The Armed Forces are mostly inertial
When it comes to their acts, controversial;
So their planting of news
Will not end 'til they use
Ron Popeil in the paid infomercial.



Ronco's New Iraq-O-Matic
--The "V" is for Victory!--

U.S. Military Covertly Pays to Run Stories in Iraqi Press
By Mark Mazzetti and Borzou Daragahi,
Los Angeles Times, 10/30/05

Bush's exit 'stragedy'

A synopsis of Bush's Iraq withdrawal plans

We can leave without feeling remorse
If we build their security force.
Don't know that I'm able
To give a timetable.
'Stay the course' meant we're staying, of course.

Bush Maps Out Iraq War Strategy
The Guardian, 11/30/05

Professor Rumbledore casts a "Datum Obfuscata!"
spell to ward off the "Fortuna Reverso!" spell plaguing
his favorite student, Hairy (W.) Plodder.

Painful remedy

As multiple Vioxx suits lurk,
7,000 are now out of work.
After pulling the plug,
The once promising drug
Will, forever, be mired in this Merck.

Merck to Cut 7,000 Jobs, Close Plants
By Jim Zarroli, All Things Considered
NPR, 11/28/05

Playing the Blame Game

Plenty to go around

Yes, Democrats cannot deny
That they looked on this war with an "aye;"
But the blame we assign
For their sheer lack of spine
Doesn't give Mr. Bush a free bye.

Mr. Bush, you were quick to decry
Those who said that you led us awry;
But, for all your derision,
A lie of omission
Is, nevertheless, still a lie.

Pre-Iraq War Intelligence: A Look at the Facts
By Don Gonyea and Jackie Northam,
NPR Morning Edition, 11/23/05

Think of it as a harmonic convergence of sorts
By Molly Ivins, Creators Syndicate
Star Telegram, 11/23/05

Iraq: What Did Congress Know, And When?
Annenberg Political Fact Check, 11/19/05

On the cul-de-sac

This one's inspired by Cowtown Pattie's latest post:

I once thought I'd head down that street
With poetic anger, replete;
But awed veneration
Of Jack's generation
Has turned into feeling just beat.

Spiders Across the Stars
Texas Trifles, 11/17/05

Tortured passed

Could our motives be reckoned ulterior
In exposing the Shiite Interior
Ministry's acts?
Just look at the facts:
Our torture now seems so inferior.


The Debate Over Torture
By Evan Thomas and Michael Hirsh
Newsweek, Nov. 21, 2005 issue

Torture Alleged at Ministry Site Outside Baghdad
By John F. Burns, New York Times, 11/16/05

Call me irresponsible

You know, Mr. Bush, I'm a vet
But, like many, I deeply regret
That you lied led us to war.
It's a crime that, no more,
We'll continue to aid and abet.

In your own words: Fool me once; shame on you...

Beleaguered Bush hits out at 'irresponsible' Iraq war critics
Julian Borger, The Guardian, 11/12/05

If journaling makes you a journalist,...

avoid racing.

It took me a while to cull my thoughts about the lively and lengthy discussion over "blogger ethics" at Brewed Fresh Daily into limerick form. The result may win me no friends among bloggers.

Can the blogosphere just self-assess
Without standards imposed? Well, I guess;
But, for pros who write prose,
We ask more, I suppose,
Than this Internet Vanity Press.

Tech Link: Kent State panel discussion:
Ethics for bloggers?
Brewed Fresh Daily, 11/2/05

Make some beautiful music today:

The sweet music will stick in our throats,
When it's sung missing some of the notes;
And Democracy's song
Won't endure very long,
If it isn't composed of our votes.

Vote

Too busy to vote? Not her -- ever
Connie Schultz, The Plain Dealer, 11/7/05

To the Plain Dealer

And John Campanelli:

Gee, thanks for the kind interview
And the chance to show folks what I do.
If there's ever a time
You have reason for rhyme
The Savant will be there PDQ.

It's still the same old story...

Prime times indeed

In honor of his first appearance in the print media, an interview completely in limerick form, the Savant has decided to sponsor a "Complete the limerick" contest. Just finish the limerick below in the comments section of this post. I've offered some of my own examples to get you primed and don't forget to read the interview for some inspiration.

Credit will be given for keeping the meter, originality, and mostly for making me laugh. The sinner winner will receive an all expense paid (provided he/she pays all the expenses) trip to the disaster area of his/her choice or a limited edition copy of the Savant's chapbook, "Four-Year Funk," whichever disaster comes first. The chapbook is also available for purchase through December, along with some actually worthwhile articles, at the HeightsArt Gallery Holiday Store. Since Judge Alito may be otherwise occupied, the decison of the other judge(s) is final.


The Savant got to try something new
When they gave him a print interview.
Unlike Valerie Plame,
They're concealing his name;

a) But the photo might act as a clue.

b) Because Rove never heard of him, too.

c) Karl's response was, "The Limerick Who?"

d) Write your own, dear reader, and add it to the comments section

Prime times for rhymes
10 minutes with - The Limerick Savant
PDQ&A, by John Campanelli
The Plain Dealer, 11/6/05

Gulag Shock

Mr. Bush, we would like it explained
How Geneva can be so disdained.
A secret detention
Defies that convention
And the Truth is what's really detained.

Pressure on allies over CIA's 'al-Qaida camps'
· European commission and Red Cross seek answers
Nicholas Watt, The Guardian, 11/4/05

Flippin' the bird flu

If Bush worries 'bout citizens dying,
There's a cure he can find without trying:
Just bring the troops back
From his war in Iraq
And stop the pandemic of lying.

Bush Announces Plan to Prepare for Flu Epidemic
By Gardiner Harris, New York Times, 11/2/05

For a good time, call Sam

His decisions are sure to enthrall
Arch conservative pols, one and all.
So, meet Sam Alito,
He's Justice Graffito,
Cuz the writing is now on the wall.

Alito Could Move Court Dramatically to the Right
By Nina Totenberg, Morning Edtion , NPR, 11/1/05

Cheney of fools

If Dick Cheney were only astuter
He'd have steered clear of using that Scooter.
They are said to cause falls
That can injure one's balls
And might end up by leaving you neuter.

Cheney Adviser Resigns After Indictment
The Washington Post, 10/28/05

Awaiting indictments

Oh, what a tangled web they wove,
Who practised tactics with Karl Rove.

[With apologies to Sir Walter Scott]

Rove, Libby Prepare for Possible Indictments
By Jim VandeHei and Carol D. Leonnig
Washington Post, 10/28/05

No end to burning questions

They're extinguishing Harriet Miers!
Seems the more that the Senate requires,
The less Bush supplies.
So, they thought it unwise
Her providing more fuel for the fires.

Harriet Miers Withdraws Nomination
By Fred Barbash, Washington Post, 10/27/05

What's Jermaine to Clevelanders

In Cleveland, we stayed up all night
Bemoaning the season that might
Have led to the Series.
Here's one of our theories:
Next year, we must shock the Sox, White.

Chicago's sweeping beauties
Sox win their first Series title since 1917
Paul Hoynes, The Plain Dealer, 10/27/05

A message from Ahnuld

"Ah'll be bahking your state's Issue 4
Just to give Gerry Mander what for.
If you draw the lines straighter,"
Says the famed Governator,
"It won't look like Kuala Lumpur."

Conan says,

"Only a barbarian would
draw voting districts like this!"

Schwarzenegger backs Ohio's Issue 4 reform initiatives
By Jim Tankersley, The Toledo Blade, 10/19/05

From her seat, she stood tall

When her heavenly transit embarks,
At the forefront will sit Rosa Parks.
For her one simple act
Will forever impact
And teach us from whence Freedom sparks.

Civil Rights Icon Rosa Parks Dies
NPR, 10/25/05

The view from the "North Coast"

Met with bloggers from NEO*, last night
And we talked of "what is" and "what might."
Whatever their bent,
They all represent
A future for Cleveland that's bright.

*[That's Northeast Ohio for you Matrix fans]

Oct Blog Meetup
The Town Fryer, 10/19/05

Wake up and smell the city

Does he have universal appeal?
Don't know, but the postings are real.
He brews local news
And elicits your views.
In Cleveland, that's "BFD."

What, me curry?

Cowtown Pattie uncovered the clues
That will lead to my comical muse,
But I swear Alfred E.
Ain't got nuthin' on me.
If I'm MAD, should that come as real news?

A new hat in the ring?

Remember that powerful ring which
Mr. Frodo "destroyed?" It's the thing which
Has lured Mr. Newt
To begin the pursuit
That could lead us from Gollum to Gingrich.



Gingrich Considers White House Run
CBS News, 10/14/05

No previous history of violence

Those with children who love Papa Smurf
Better censor the sites that they surf.
As to mayhem and death:
Who'da thunk UNICEF
Could out-shock Cronenberg on that turf?



Smurfs 'bombed' in UN ad campaign
BBC News, 10/12/05

It's the infrastructure, stupid!

Shi`a, Sunni, and Kurds can't deny
That a new constitution won't fly
Unless it proceeds
To provide for the needs
Of Iraqis who barely get by.

He said that the portrayal of Iraq by Western leaders of efforts to introduce democracy, including Saturday's national vote on the country's proposed constitution was "unreal" to most of its citizens. In Baghdad, children and women were kept at home to prevent them from being kidnapped for money or sold into slavery. They faced a desperate struggle to find the money to keep generators running to provide themselves with electricity. "They aren't sitting in their front rooms discussing the referendum on the constitution."
-Iraq has descended into anarchy, says Fisk
By Nigel Morris, The Independent, 10/13/05

Iraq reconstruction shows 'limited progress'
By Tom Regan, The Christian Science Monitor, 8/26/05

Iraqi Lawmakers OK Last-Minute Amendments
By Mariam Fam, The Guardian, 10/13/05

GriM Prophecy

Don't you think that the industry ceded
Years ago, when the omens weren't heeded?
When every outsource
Determined that course,
Why is Delphi, as oracle, needed?

Staggering blow: Delphi's bankruptcy ominous sign for fading auto industry
By Bill Vlasic and Brett Clanton, The Detroit News 10/9/05

Hear Yee, Hear Yee!

Though they voice a more tolerant tone,
Anti-Islam abuses have grown.
Wonder how that could be?
You must read Captain Yee
And you'll see how they act toward their own.

"I was sure that I was being imprisoned in large part because I had fought so hard to ensure the detainees at Guantánamo were given the things they needed to practice their religion, yet here I was being denied those things myself."
-James Yee, For God and Country: Faith and Patriotism Under Fire, 2005

Chaplain cites anti-Islam zeal
By Carol Rosenberg, The Miami Herald, 10/7/05

Earning their "Honorable" title

The country can count on McCain
To act as the president's bane.
Who better to know
How to deal with a foe
By making the torture humane?

Senate Supports Interrogation Limits
90-9 Vote on the Treatment of Detainees
Is a Bipartisan Rebuff of the White House
By Charles Babington and Shailagh Murray
Washington Post, 10/6/05

Memorandum

From: Karl Rove
Subj: Justice "Cypher"
To: President Bush

When Justice O'Connor retires,
Who'll replace her? Why, Harriet Miers!
What's there to assail
With no paper trail
Of tenets to which she aspires?

Rove played an active role in selection of Miers
By Joseph Curl, The Washington Times, 10/6/05

A Russell of Fall leaves

It makes the Savant a bit tipsy
To recall all the comical quips he
Delivered in rhyme.
A man of his time;
There's a chill in the air without Nipsey.

"The opposite of pro is con
that fact is clearly seen
if progress means move forward
then what does Congress mean?"
- Nipsey Russell

Rhyming Funnyman Nipsey Russell Dies
By Joe Holley, Washington Post, 10/4/05

One, for the money; and two, for the show

Delay says, indictments, he'll quash
And that laundering charges won't wash;
But his obvious greed
Reminds one, indeed,
Of the work of Hieronymous Bosch.


Tom Delay (in bed) with several unindicted co-conspirators

Grand Jury Re-Indicts DeLay on New Charges
By April Castro, Associated Press Writer
The Guardian, 10/4/05

Your patriotic duty

I want to again encourage my readers to support the NAMI Campaign for the Mind of America. Heaven knows we need it. Even President Bush might benefit according to Lawrence O'Donnell of The McLaughlin Group.

See The McLaughlin Group from 9/23/05 in which O'Donnell asserts that Bush's comparison of Hurricane Katrina to terrorism is a clear sign of his deteriorating mental state.

So whether it's recognizing a good cause, empathy, guilt, or just acknowledging your patriotic duty to help your poor addled president; please click on the link below. You will at least get the Savant out from behind his computer and showing his face in the light of day and you will definitely be doing some good for those who, unlike Bush, often have a difficult time speaking out for themselves.

Thank you.

Weather or not

Fate seizes but, rarely, it grants.
We're so tired of the Bush song & dance
That we hope he takes heed
And chooses to lead
And with Rita, he'll get a new chance.

Missed ya lie!

Brother Kenya and his eagle eyes
Left me no other choice than revise.
Now with hardly a trace
Of egg on my face
I have captured the pullet surprise.

Wow! Thanks to Elisson for selecting my photo caption (in limerick form, of course) as the winner in his recent contest.

The last time I won something was in seventh grade when the prize was The Heritage of the Cleveland Indians record album featuring veteran sportscaster, Jimmy Dudley.

YAP - Yet, Another Plea

No limerick today. Just another plea for support. This is NAMI's primary fund raiser of the year and, though there are many worthwhile causes seeking support in the wake of Katrina, we must not neglect those that still need our help. Maybe you have a neighbor, co-worker, or family member (I do) who is trying to cope with mental illness. Or maybe, like me, you have worked in the field of mental health. (What! You thought I earn a living doing this?). Please consider walking in your local event, if you have one, or make a donation (no matter how small) to someone who is walking. (Am I such a bad choice?)

For this week ONLY, I will send a signed copy of my chapbook, Four-year Funk, to all readers who sponsor my walk with a donation of $10 or more. Click the NAMIWalks link below for more information on this very worthwhile cause. Or check it out with charity evaluation links below.

The Campaign for the Mind of America is a multi-year effort on many fronts to promote investment in recovery and to prevent the abandonment of yet another generation of Americans with mental illnesses to neglect and hopelessness. The Campaign highlights the need to build a comprehensive, efficient system to screen, evaluate, diagnose and treat mental illnesses at every stage of life.

NAMI is a 501(c)3 charity and any donation you make to support my participation in this event is tax deductible. NAMI has been rated by Worth magazine as among the top 100 charities "most likely to save the world" and has been given an "A" rating (better than the American Red Cross, CARE, MDA, or Farm Aid to name a few) by The American Institute of Philanthropy for efficient and effective use of charitable dollars. NAMI has also been given 3 out of 4 stars by The Charity Navigator for short-term spending practices and 4 out of 4 stars for long-term sustainability.

The cruelest caption

'Fraid my lastest verse can only be found at Blog D'Elisson in the comments.

Let them eat pork rinds

She could dictate voluminous tomes
About building survivors new homes.
Barbara Bush has decreed
That, for people in need,
Nothing's better than living in domes!

What I'm hearing, which is sort of scary, is they all want to stay in Texas. Everyone is so overwhelmed by the hospitality. And so many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway, so this is working very well for them."

Barbara Bush in an NPR radio interview, after visiting with Hurricane Katrina evacuees in the Astrodome in Texas, 8/5/2005

Maybe Dubya plans on appointing his mom to lead the Urban Homesteading Act initiative?

Bush Promises a Massive Rebuilding of Gulf Coast
Los Angeles Times, 9/16/05

The bittersweet truth

"Stupid is as stupid does" - F. G.

'Til Roberts becomes the Chief Ump,
His answers are likely to stump.
'Nless we bite, you can bet
We won't know what we get.
He's choc'lates and we're Forrest Gump.

Roberts Resists Specifics in Senate Session
By Nina Totenberg, NPR, 9/13/05

Dubya's Disaster Relief

Recognizing his ratings are dire
Mr. Bush plans that FEMA rehire.
To Brown: "Hold your horses;
You've not the resources-
Need a fireman to put out that fire!"

Career firefighter named new FEMA director
San Jose Mercury News, 9/13/05

Biting the hand that feeds, again?

Yesterday, when my limerick appeared
In the paper, the feeling was weird.
Why is it the Press
That gets to profess
Who's worthy to be blogosphered?

Blogosphere Cleveland
Compiled by John Campanelli, The Plain Dealer, 9/11/05
[sorry, no link, so instead I link to BFD's discussion of this column]

We have nothing to fear but FOTA

[FOTA (Fear of the Alternative) was taken from an article written by Fareed Zakaria for NewsWeek in February of 2002, How to Save the Arab World. I use the concept with different meaning here]

Recyle Alert!
(reworked limerick from a previous post)
I have reworked one of the first limericks from my original website to commemorate the 4th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks.

The evil of Mohammed Atta
Cannot be discerned from the data,
For facts often lie,
Beliefs go awry,
And the Truth doesn't fly on errata.

But the heart may eventually find
What is already known in the mind:
No matter the fear
To which they adhere,
True believers are all of a kind.

So after four years we remember
Events of that day in September.
That innocence lost
Was part of the cost,
Burns on in our hearts like an ember.

Katrina's become the new headline;
Her survivors are queued in the bread line
But, still, if you squint
To read the fine print,
It says, "Life always comes with a deadline."

Uncertainty from 9/11 lingers over generation
By Barry Petchesky, The Charlotte Observer, 9/11/05

Money talks - LS walks!

Yes, he's frequently pitching the talk -
So as not to be called for the balk,
October the 1st,
Neither forced nor coerced,
The Savant will be walking the walk.

But he needs your support for this worthy cause.

Click on the NAMIWALKS link below to sponsor me.

As a special offer to the loyal readers of this blog, I will send a signed copy of the Limerick Savant's chapbook, Four-year Funk, to anyone who donates $15 or more as a sponsor. The chapbook is a beautiful handmade collection of past limericks, and it sports a three color silk screen cover. It is sure to become a collector's item (dust collectors, that is).


The Campaign for the Mind of America is a multi-year effort on many fronts to promote investment in recovery and to prevent the abandonment of yet another generation of Americans with mental illnesses to neglect and hopelessness. The Campaign highlights the need to build a comprehensive, efficient system to screen, evaluate, diagnose and treat mental illnesses at every stage of life.

Kanye believe it?

We know Dubya could just bust a cap
In his ass for the hurricane flap;
But it's Kanye's belief
FEMA's feeble relief
Means that Bush should be takin' the rap.

Which "rap" deserves to be heard? You be the judge:
[N.B. - You will not get a Supreme Court nomination whichever you pick]

Kanye West on NBC or Michael Brown's FEMA pap

NBC Deletes Rap Star's Remarks on Telethon
By Matea Gold and Scott Collins
Los Angeles Times, 9/4/05

Rising tide of criticism

How much agony could have been spared
Had we only been better prepared?
Should the Poor and the Black
Seek relief from Iraq,
Where it seems like our government cared?

That being said...
How You Can Help: Donate Now
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Alabama Governor’s Emergency Relief Fund
Please mail checks or money orders to:
Alabama Governor's Emergency Relief Fund
P.O. Box 1523
Montgomery, AL 36102
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Louisiana Disaster Recovery Foundation
Please mail checks or money orders to:
Louisiana Disaster Recovery Foundation
1201 North Third Street, Suite 7-240
PO Box 94095
Baton Rouge, LA 70804-9095
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mississippi Hurricane Relief Fund
Please mail checks or money orders to:
Mississippi Hurricane Relief Fund
P.O. Box 139
Jackson, MS 39205
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Or click here for TTLB's aggregator of Katrina charities

Critics Say Bush Undercut New Orleans Flood Control
By Jim VandeHei and Peter Baker
Washington Post, 9/2/05

Have I got a war for you!

Just saw the movie, The Aristocrats, with my wife on Monday (bargain night at the "Seedy-Lee," our local independent film theatre). If you are not familiar with the film, it deals with the "dirtiest joke ever" which has become a sort of off stage challenge for comedic one-upsmanship among performers. Certainly a movie for acquired, if not depraved, tastes; but showing to a packed house nevertheless. I have to admit I laughed, despite myself (and my rather low rating on "vulgar" in the "3 Variable Funny Test" that you may have noted in my previous post), especially at some of the cleverer twists on the basic theme. The joke is even told as a card trick and in mime during the screening. In no way consider this an endorsement and certainly don't mistake this film for the animated Disney movie of similar title!

So, as we are leaving the theater (yes, at the end), my wife says to me, "I wonder if it has ever been told as a limerick?" Well, how could I resist such a challenge?

In order to maintain my PG-13 rating on this blog, I have posted the limerick on "The Aristocrats" joke challenge site. Do to the constraints of their posting format, I needed to expand beyond my usual limerick form, but I think the limerick within can stand on its own as well. It would probably help if you saw the movie first (still not an endorsement) and I include my usual "Get the story" link below to explain my punch line for the nightly news challenged.

Have a look if you're so inclined but please do not click on link below if:
1. You are under 18 years of age (Yeah, like that'll stop you)
2. You have delicate sensibilities (Then why are you reading this blog?)
3. You are my mother (Really, mom, please don't! I don't want to have to explain it later).

Presenting the Limerick Savant's version of The Aristocrats or
Have I got a war for you! - An Allegory

Disclaimer: There are things more obscene than sexual and scatological references. Any resemblance of characters in this joke to real persons, living or undead, is purely coincidental; but if the shoe fits...

Global Struggle against Violent Extremism: Marketing Gimmick or Ominous Turn?
Robert Higgs, The Independent Institute, 8/8/05

Well, they are half right

I don't normally bother with these things but I followed a link at Texas Trifles and just couldn't help myself. Nothing I didn't already know but maybe that speaks to the accuracy? Hah! By the way, note my opposite in the matrix.

the Wit (57% dark, 26% spontaneous, 36% vulgar)

your humor style: CLEAN | COMPLEX | DARK You like things edgy, subtle, and smart. I guess that means you're probably an intellectual, but don't take that to mean pretentious. You realize 'dumb' can be witty--after all isn't that the Simpsons' philosophy?--but rudeness for its own sake, 'gross-out' humor and most other things found in a fraternity leave you totally flat. I guess you just have a more cerebral approach than most. You have the perfect mindset for a joke writer or staff writer. Your sense of humor takes the most thought to appreciate, but it's also the best, in my opinion. You probably loved the Office. If you don't know what I'm talking about, check it out here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/theoffice/. PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Jon Stewart - Woody Allen - Ricky Gervais

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 99% on dark You scored higher than 0% on spontaneous You scored higher than 99% on vulgar

Link: The 3 Variable Funny Test written by jason_bateman on Ok Cupid

No illusions

I kept dreaming the world might change course
If my words could just carry more force;
But now, more mature,
I just spread my manure
As I blog that proverbial horse.

Thanks to Cowtown Pattie for pointing out how prescient our spellcheckers can be.

Mourning in America

These photos should act as reminders,
In this life, we're not keepers, but finders
Who shouldn't wage war
Without knowing the score;
And that starts by removing the blinders.

U.S. forced to release honor-guard photos
The Plain Dealer, 8/5/05

Cindy: Crawford's cover girl

Cindy Sheehan is still asking why
Mr. Bush thinks her son had to die.
Don't you think it is right
That all parents unite
And demand that he give a reply?

Anti-war voice resonates in mother's Texas vigil
By Edwin Chen and Dana Calvo (Los Angeles Times),
Seattle Times, 8/11/05

War: the ultimate reality show

So, the tightrope becomes ever tauter
That suspends your brave son or your daughter.
They believe in the cause
But their deaths should give pause:
Are we leading our lambs to the slaughter?



War hits Ohio hard
Thousands share grief, pride
Brian Albrecht, The Plain Dealer, 8/9/05

More U.N.doing

Bush was salving his ego despite
A Senate, not through with the fight.
A recess appointment's
A fly in that ointment
That might just return with a bite.

Bush bypasses Senate to install Bolton as UN envoy
Jamie Wilson in Washington
The Guardian, 8/2/05

When Irish guys aren't killing

If the acts of this "new" IRA
Hold true to the words that they say;
Then a world full of eyes
Will smile down on these guys,
Sure, they'll steal our hearts away.

IRA Order Met With Hope, Skepticism
Los Angeles Times, 7/31/05

The opposition goes south

Tom Delay said, "we'll do what we hafta
In order to ratify CAFTA."
GOP toed the line;
Mr. Bush got his "mine,"
While constituents got just the shafta!

House passes free-trade agreement in tight vote
The Boston Globe, 7/28/05

A lesson for President Bush?

Even using a finer-toothed comb
Hasn't solved the conundrum of "foam."
So, in order to save
Its "home of the brave,"
NASA's having its brave remain home.

Behind Chunks of Foam, a Failure to Confront Hazard
Los Angeles Times, 7/29/05

The victims' response

Spreading murder and mayhem and strife,
Rudolph cut through our lives like a knife.
His choice: deadly force,
As a matter of course.
That's why, in his case, we're pro-life!

Rudolph gets life in abortion clinic blast
Chicago Tribune, 7/19/05

The Savant recommends-

Some bloggers are overly chatty;
Some posture, or act really bratty.
This Texan, no trifle,
Shoots straight as a rifle.
In Cowtown? I'd step in on Pattie.

It doesn't begin with Dubya

Who cares about duties he shirks?
Consider it one of his perks.
With Bush, we have found
We lose far less ground
The fewer the hours that he works.

Report: Workers Lazing with Too Little Work
NPR, 7/12/05

We'll go no more a Rove-in'

Well, by Jove, it seems Rove's up a creek
With the White House refusing to speak.
We think it a pity
They haven't hired Liddy
And his bumblers "Plumbers" to handle the leak.

Rove Isn't the Real Outrage
By Richard Cohen, The Washington Post, 7/14/05

With apologies to the monkeys

After decades, debate over "Scopes"
Has creationists now on the ropes.
For no cogent design
By creator, divine,
Could produce such incredible dopes!


The Scopes Monkey Trial, 80 Years Later
NPR, 7/8/05

Keeping terrorism over there?

Whether in for a penny or pound,
Britons knew that their turn would come 'round.
Now Olympic elation
Has suffered deflation
As that turn took a turn underground.

London Olympic Jubilation Turns to Horror
San Francisco Chronicle, 7/7/05

On the road: About time

Forty years and a jury is willin'
To convict on this Klansman's blood spillin'.
The verdict he got,
Whether "murder" or not,
Proves that Killen is taken for killin'.

The FBI's Mississippi Myopia
By Ron Carver, The Washington Post, 6/23/05

On the road: Cooking up art

No telling how long it will take
For that 20 year overnight break;
But, Rene, not to worry.
Your show in Salisbury
Will let everyone know what's at stake.



Waterworks Visual Arts Center
Salisbury, NC
"High Fire: kiln-transformed glass" June 18 - Aug 27

Not goin' ta Crawford, yet again

I'm suspending my limerick creation
While taking a little vacation.
Those sorry to learn
I plan to return
Will have to suppress their elation.

Searching for a truth

If I may wax prosaic for the moment – I occasionally check to see who's linking to my sight and how. There are numerous referrals from Google searches, predictably ones related to limericks or Limerick. I gather that many of those visitors are disappointed by the lack of bawdy verse or Irish pride and rush right off to search for nude photos of the Irish tenors or the like.

Though I am a fan of the "traditional" limerick in all its anatomical depravity (Edward Lear, despite how it sounds, focused strictly on nonsense rhymes, however) and my maternal grandmother was born in Ireland (Mayo, not Limerick; hence an intense loathing for Miracle Whip, except when applied in one of those depraved limericks); I have chosen to save such efforts for private audiences of 200 to 300 of my closest friends, while stoned out of my head at a Lyle Lovett concert, perhaps. Those desperate for something more lewd might still find one or two examples buried on the Savant's old website.

So I wasn't surprised yesterday to find that someone had found my blog through a Google search. What caught my attention was the choice of search terms: "savant" "godzilla" "strawberry." Why would someone choose this particular set of words? Had they found my limerick on Prince Charles' wedding (Live and let Di) so memorable yet forgotten to bookmark my site? Not likely! Maybe they were looking for a letter to Marilyn vos Savant concerning the most efficient path for a Japanese monster to take through the berry patch resulting in the greatest destruction? Or possibly it was just one of those word puzzles people like to send her? And what is it that possesses people to send those inane questions to the self-professed know-it-all of Parade magazine? Oh yeah, asked and answered.

What was even more astonishing was that in addition to the Limerick Savant's link (#1 on the search list), there were 176 other hits for that combination of search terms! Now I know that my associations can at times be as loose as Jethro's last tooth (my grandmother might have said "as a Dublin whore"), but I hadn't counted on there being that much disorder in the net world. Fortunately (or not) most of the links were pretty mundane. There were several for toys (the Marilyn vos Savant doll?); a few related to baseball (I get Darryl Strawberry, but Godzilla? Must be Jose Canseco.); and a number were people's mp3 playlists (no accounting for tastes there).

But stranger than all of the above was the link to an interview with Daniel Johnston on his Rejected Unknown website. I loved the title immediately and I was intrigued by the story of this artist/singer/songwriter. The interview, it appears, took place in a psychiatric hospital and elsewhere on the site they reveal that Mr. Johnston suffers from Bi-polar Disorder (sometimes referred to as Manic Depression). I don't know if that is relevant and I am usually put off by such references, since I work with mental health consumers in the job that actually pays and I know all too well the impact of stigma. I think it can occur in reverse when so-called "outsider artists" are marveled at as some sort of performing primates (this I also find distasteful) who, were it not for their special talent, would be relegated to the society's back alleys. "Outcast Art" might be a more appropriate term.

Mr. Johnston and his songs, however, have been embraced by the music community, a motley crowd as it is; and, though it is hard to judge all the possible motivations in play, there seems to be a genuine appreciation of the innocent and direct quality of his music and lyrics. I am reminded by this apparent naïve worldview of another artist, Henry Darger, who's work was only uncovered after his death. I had the good fortune to see a show of the work at the Art Institute of Chicago several years ago. It was fascinating and imaginative stuff. Darger is the subject of a wonderful recent documentary, "In the Realms of the Unreal" which I highly recommend. Both of these men seem to share an obsessive need to create and were highly prolific in that regard. I can admire that kind of dedication, having experienced the competing demands that infringe on my desire to blog.

Now I am probably the last individual on the planet to have "discovered" Daniel Johnston; since covers of his songs have been done by the likes of Beck, Death Cab for Cutie, and Tom Waits, and Matt Groening is a big fan of his paintings and drawings. But I am intrigued by the fact that the juxtaposition of three unlikely word companions led me down this road. It makes me believe that there is a whole world of Googling by free association that awaits me out there. Who knows what wonders I might discover with the likes of "sphincter," "plum" and "radial tire" in combination!

Still, "savant," "godzilla," and "strawberry?" Who was that masked Googler; and what were they searching for?

B-2,300 weeks before Social Security

How does that commencement day thing go?
When Russert recycles his lingo
In speeches to grads,
The lasses and lads,
At Harvard, are calling out "Bingo!"

Russert Draws Laughs, Dispenses Advice
Students tease news anchor on ‘Meet the Press’ about his predictability
By VINITA M. ALEXANDER, The Crimson, 6/9/05

Patriots Act!

It's time that each citizen be sure
How we act as to 'search' and to 'seizure:'
When rights are erased
By Congress, in haste,
We get to repent it at leisure!

"Married in haste, we may repent at leisure."
- William Congreve (1670-1729)
English dramatist
from The Old Bachelor, act v. sc. 1.

We are not yet married to this terrible breach of civil liberties.
Contact your representatives now!

'Secret' Senate meeting on Patriot Act
The Christian Science Monitor, 6/6/05

Pruning the Patriot Act
The Boston Globe, 6/8/05

New, improved 'Operation Lightning' cleans up?

Is there any solution emergent
That will flush out each single insurgent?
Yet Cheney implied,
All it takes from our side,
Is like choosing a better detergent.

Bush steadfast on Iraq progress as growing violence fuels debate
By Jim VandeHei and Peter Baker (The Washington Post)
The Seattle Times, 6/6/05

The buzz from Washington

Been practicing since he was three
On a "trope" or "synecdoche."
This young man of letters
Has joined the go-getters
Who aim to be all they can bee!

Spelling-bee champ got prepared online
By Petula Dvorak of The Washington Post
The Seattle Times, 6/3/05

Semantic antics

Mr. Bush, you have no one to blame
But yourself, for the 'Amnesty' claim.
So, you call it "absurd"
And you give us your word
That, "compared to 'gulag,' we are tame."


Guantanamo Bay: A "Gulag Of Our Times" or a "Model Facility"?
A Debate on the U.S. Prison & Amnesty International
Democracy Now!, 6/1/05

More Watergate under the bridge

[Note: Kids, can you find the identity of the Watergate informant, secretly hidden within this limerick?]

Deep Throat, that invisible belt,
Who raised a political welt
On Nixon's rearguard;
Left 'em smartin' so hard,
They remember still how that Mark Felt.


Those who were there express shock, admiration at disclosure
By Dan Morgan of The Washington Post
The Seattle Times, 6/1/05

"Non" starter

French voters have shouted, "Mon Dieu!
We had to say 'non,' it is true.
The Union is fine,
But we can't abide wine
Who's essence just reeks of EU!"

French Voters Reject EU Constitution
NPR, 5/30/05

For those who serve

Recyle Alert!
(reworked limerick from a previous post)

I first posted the following image in April, 2004 under the headline "Is this picture worth a thousand lives?" - an unfortunately prophetic question. Common Ground magazine made it the cover of their July, 2004 issue and they were kind enough to post my comments on it there:

Art is art and should not have to justify itself. What the viewer brings to the experience always colors the experience. In the tradition of the best of art, your image is neither didactic nor easily interpreted. As a veteran myself, I find the images of my fellow servicemen and women to be both poignant and a tribute to their willingness to serve. What wartime leader would not acknowledge that their "image" is truly built on those that serve at the frontlines? I congratulate you on creating an image whose meaning and motive is not simply discerned, unlike the subject of that image.
- The Limerick Savant

I think it bears reposting on this Memorial Day and so long as our president is willing to risk American (and Iraqi) lives in a conflict of his own making.

The War President
courtesy of Joe Wezorek at American Leftist


Click image for enlarged view

So the nuns were right?

As the evidence quickly amasses
What a danger Cialis, alas, is;
I'm hoping they find
It won't make me blind
If I use it just 'til I need glasses.

[Thanks to the Woody that inspired this limerick; "Allen," that is!]

Viagra blindness fears prompt inquiry
The Guardian, 5/28/05

Creighton Lovelace = Loveless Cretin

The Koran next encountered a brush
With a pastor who'd give it the flush.
There's no use us treatin'
This new loveless cretin
As more than just Southern fried mush.

Keith Olbermann (MSNBC) interview with Creighton Lovelace
as viewed at onegoodmove

Biting the hand that feeds

To the yea-sayers (both of you):

It has been a little over a year since I started this blog and over 3 years since I began the Limerick Savant project, inspired by events of September 11, 2001 and their repercussions. So, this seems as good a time as any to reflect on why I'm still here and what I hope to accomplish.

Oh, who am I kidding? Consider the following as the Savant's special "thank you" to those of you who have supported him with you e-mails, comments, links, groans, outright hostility or utter neglect. None of it seems to have had any effect.

I carefully fashion my rhyme
To insult both profane and sublime.
You're not yet offended?
That wasn't intended;
You simply must give me more time!

15 Minutes of Irony

Judge Wars III: The New Hope

Disappointment for Senator Frist:
Filibuster got slapped on the wrist
Instead of the "nuke;"
When, like Vader and Luke,
Senate moderates made-up and kissed.

The Senate saves itself
By Scot Lehigh, The Boston Globe, 5/25/05

The 'Sith' hits the fans

Choose your review

George Lucas, it's time that you quit
Replicating the same sorry hit.
Could that title reveal
That the "Star Wars" appeal
Has morphed to "Revenge of the Sh*t?"

or

The likeness, we have to admit,
Is an ideological fit;
But our own tragic tale,
In which Bush doth prevail,
Is more aptly "Revenge of the ____."

Latest 'Star Wars' Movie Is Quickly Politicized
By DAVID M. HALBFINGER, The New York Times, 5/19/05

Wasn't that "nukyoolar?"

According to Senator Frist,
"We won't let our judges be 'dissed.'
If, votes, we can't muster
To kill filibuster;
We'll give it the nuclear twist."


Showdown in Senate on judicial filibusters
By Carolyn Lochhead, Chronicle Washington Bureau
San Fransisco Chronicle, 5/18/05

Come, set a spell

Here's a site that is serving us well
On the way to typographer's hell.
You'll get there much quickr
By picking with flickr
And letting your words cast the spell

Reputation in the toilet

Seems NewsWeek was so in a rush
To play their Guantanamo flush
That the story they ran,
About the Koran,
Is giving them reason to blush.

Newsweek Apologizes
Inaccurate Report on Koran Led to Riots
By Howard Kurtz, Washington Post, 5/16/05

Georgia on my mind

Was safety in Georgia waylaid?
And why was the news so delayed?
They felt no dismay:
If Bush was the prey,
Then it must be a "dummy" grenade.


What goes around, comes around?

White House: Grenade Was No Threat to Bush
The Guardian, 5/11/05

Real ID = Real Trouble

A public service message
from the Republican Congress:

Wherever you live on the globe,
Be prepared for our alien probe.
Cuz the Real ID
Is a license, you see,
For each Red, White & Blue xenophobe.

Act Now!

Suspicious license
The Boston Globe, 5/9/05

Questions of sanity

With insanity used as a ploy
His attorney called him a "sick boy."
Does showing free will,
Even though he was ill,
Make Charles the real McCoy?

Closing Argument in Highway Shooting Trial
The Guardian, 5/5/05

Holocaust Remembrance Day

Have we learned nothing?

Who measures the terrible cost
Of Sudanese lives that are lost?
Genocide in Darfur
Is a wolf at the door
That howls out a new Holocaust!

Nicholas D. Kristof: Day 114 of Bush's silence
International Herald Tribune, 5/4/05

Blushing bride

We will pity the runaway bride.
She can run but she clearly can't hide;
And the kidnapping hoax
Makes her butt of all jokes.
All to have wedding plans set aside?



Cold feet could land runaway bride in jail
The Guardian, 5/2/05

More revisionist rhetoric

What does the report represent?
It depends on how truth can be bent:
For if you are free
Of those Dubya M D,
We'll attack you for just your intent.

Report Finds No Evidence Syria Hid Iraqi Arms
By Dana Priest, the Washington Post, 4/26/05

Maybe it's just the ivory-billed woodpecker

The PATRIOT act caught us napping
As our liberties took a good rapping;
But, never you fear,
That sound that you hear
Isn't Big Brother a-tapping.

Wiretaps in U.S. Jump 19 Percent in 2004
By Devlin Barrett, The Guardian, 4/28/05

Good news: the ivory-bill has not passed

Extinction is Nature's home wrecker:
But thanks to an Arkansas trekker
We could save "ivory-bills,"
And no little blue pills
Are required for reviving this pecker.

[N.B. Thanks to cyberthrush at Ivory-bills LiVE!! for linking and making me think about changing the last line to what you see above. LS 4/18/07]

Ivory-Billed Woodpecker Rediscovered in Arkansas
NPR Radio Expedition, 4/28/05

Bolton nomination is U.N.done

All hail George Voinovich

The news that his anger was molten
And he bullied his staff was so joltin',
That the Dems can give thanks,
In Republican ranks,
Some members are leanin' towards boltin'.

In surprise, vote on Bolton delayed
GOP senator asks to hear more
The Boston Globe, 4/20/05

Mel Gibson is happy

The conclave selected a pope
Who won't slide down that slippery slope.
So it seems "Cardinal No,"
Keeping doctrine in tow,
Will be known now as "Pope of the Nope."

From Hitler Youth to the Vatican
The Guardian, 4/20/05

Keeping abreast of silicone II

In an F.D.A. policy shift,
That should leave the competitors miffed:
Seems Mentor may sell
Its silicone gel,
Which should give all their boobs a big lift.


Having exhausted more breast puns than even he can tolerate, and not to minimize the real need for safe alternatives for those needing reconstuctive surgery; the Savant suggests you visit this very worthy site:



FDA panel supports firm's breast implant
The Boston Globe, 4/14/05

Let history or Roger Waters decide

In an act of unparalleled gall,
Mr. Bush ranked Saddam Hussein's fall.
Pink Floyd might object
To this lack of respect
In comparing his war to "The Wall."


Support our troops; not our boobs!

[NB: In his hubris, Bush really thinks his war is on a par with the war against Fascism and the fall of the Third Reich but he couldn't spell "Fascism" and doesn't know how to pronounce "Reich."]

Bush likens Saddam's fall to end of Berlin Wall
By Bill Sammon, The Washington Times, 4/13/05

No support for silicone breasts

In silicone, some place their trust;
Some feel they just pander to lust.
But to keep you abreast
Of the F.D.A. test:
The implants are still a big bust!

Panel upholds breast implant rule
FDA advisors vote to keep partial ban on silicone devices
San Francisco Chronicle, 4/13/05

Papal funeral delegation

A message from our administration

Among living leaders of state
We're afraid Jimmy Carter won't rate.
Instead he's been snubbed
For the one to be dubbed
Our own Condoleeza 'the Great.'

Carter's Absence From Group Reignites Tensions With Bush
By Peter Baker, The Washington Post, 4/8/05

Skip the crises; I am Pisces

The Savant has just gotten his wish
And grown out of that old Petri dish:
TLB's ecosystem
Will currently list him
Among all the "Flippery Fish!"

The Truth Laid Bear Blgosphere Ecosystem

Untapped Laughter

My knowledge, I fear, had a gap
About maples and why we must tap:
This explosive report,
For a sec, took me short
'Til I realized I was the sap!

Thanks to Robert Siegel and the NPR bunch for catching the Savant off guard, this evening, on his usually tedious commute. You had me LOL the whole way home!

New England Suffers Maple Woes
By Robert Siegel, All Things Considered, NPR, 4/1/05

Life with dignity

Death makes us all April fools

As we ponder the ethical scope
Of a death, be it Schiavo or pope -
That the pontiff may choose,
While another refuse;
Is the concept that gives us all hope.


Moral Clarity
CBS News, 3/31/05

Two very different lives exposed by the media grip us all
Daniel Schorr, The Christian Science Monitor, 4/1/05

Pentagon passes brass

The prisoner abuse epidemic
Has turned into quite the polemic.
In the latest report
Adm. Church will purport
That the problem was never systemic.

Documents show widespread prisoner abuse
Air Force Times, 3/28/05

Pentagon Report Clears Top Officers in Iraq Prison Abuse
NPR, 3/10/05

Old Ojibwe saying: Never laugh at your children

[Gego baapiineminaken gidaabinoojiiyug]

In Red Lake we have reservation
As to whence came this sad aberration.
The pox of our age -
The white-man's dark rage -
Has infected the Chippewa nation.

Horror and hope at Red Lake Nation
By Scott Richard Lyons, Indian Country Today, 3/23/05

Where there's a Will, there's a way

Now conservatives scramble to muster
Enough votes that will kill filibuster;
And so it appears,
That over the years,
Mr. Smith and George Will lost their luster.


Why Filibusters Should Be Allowed
George F. Will, The Washington Post, 3/20/05

Cursed

Exposing political crimes
May prompt these polemical rhymes
But the cruelest of curses
Gives fuel to these verses:
That we live in such int'resting times!


May You Live in Interesting Times
By Tereze Gluck
[an unashamed plug for a friend]

The Savant's living will

Let me go without Delay!

What a shock that we can't all agree
Over what Terri's fate ought to be.
Well, if e'er comes my day,
Please don't let Tom Delay
Be the one who will watch over me!

[NB: For a description of Tom Delay, please see previous post]


Keep politics out of end-of-life care, doctors say
The Boston Globe, 3/19/05

Terri Schiavo's feeding tube is removed amid a political storm that rages in Congress
San Jose Mercury News, 3/19/05

Experts: GOP may have stepped out of bounds
Newsday.com, 3/19/05

Pumping Irony

'Roid rage is disingenuous

Don't you think it a little ironic
That the House is dispensing this tonic?
While Baseball avoids
The cure for its 'roids,
Flaming assholes in Congress are chronic!

Steroid hearings all political grandstanding
San Jose Mercury News, 3/17/05

Wearing o' the green

It's the day to forego your routine
And abandon your usual mien.
For, to honor the saint,
You must act like you ain't
And drink 'til you're sallow and green!

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Partying it up
on St. Patrick's Day?
MSNBC, 3/16/05

Serious radio vs. Sirius radio

Though our world seems to teeter on edge
NPR brings us down from the ledge
With grounded reporting
That calls for supporting
So, why not call back with your pledge?

My local public radio station is fund raising again so probably yours is too. Though these pledge drives annoy the hell out of me because I'm already a loyal member and supporter, and I really just want them to get back to my daily fix of All Things Considered; my irritation is tempered by a scary realization of the alternative. If my only option for commercial-free radio was paying $150 a year (not to mention the outlay for the radio itself) for Sirius radio, or one of that ilk, just to get a daily dose of Howard Stern; a pledge drive or two seems a small inconvenience. And yes, Sirius does provide news programming but the best of it still comes from their public radio offerings.

So, where would you rather invest your time and money? I've made my choice and I support serious radio!

Find your local NPR station

Bedtime for gonzo?

The debt owed by bloggers is clear
But, for "gonzo," this Duke had no peer.
Can that spirit live on,
Or will, now that he's gone,
We be left with just loathing and fear?

In Memoriam: Hunter S. Thompson, 1937-2005
NewsWeek, 3/7/05

No heavy lifting allowed

I received the following missive from Seany the other day:

"It is nearly three weeks" I declare
"Since you had any limericks to share"
I keep clicking my link
But I'm starting to think
That the Savant is blogging elsewhere

--
Posted by Seany to Limerick Savant at 3/1/2005 05:21:15 PM


The Savant is consoled to know that he has at least one fan who actually noticed his recent absence and thus feels the following explanation is due. Actually, it's a bit more complicated but, then, aren't all of our lives?

The Savant has been under the whether
His surgeon could pull him together.
He found that a hernia
Will rapidly turn ya
To thoughts that are light as a feather.

If you find that your funny bone itches
I suggest you try dropping your britches
And go under the knife.
It could well save your life
And it surely will keep you in stitches!

Click on "Get the story" to visit Seany at his blog.

Live and let Di

Princess Di as compared to Camilla
Is like strawberry versus vanilla;
But the well-mannered Brits
Wouldn't even throw fits
If Prince Charles were to marry Godzilla.

'They're middle-aged and boring' - what people said
Times Online, 2/10/05

Boob tube revisited

On this Super Bowl Sunday, the Savant couldn't resist reposting this one for those that may have missed it last year:

With CBS Sports as her rubes,
Janet J. flashed some tit on our tubes.
So what's all the stir
About Justin and her?
TV's always been home to big boobs!

Long before there was "wardrobe malfunction"
To prick at our viewing compunction;
Before the computers
That TiVoed those hooters,
We were tuning in Petticoat Junction.

TiVo: Jackson stunt most replayed moment ever
CNN, 2/3/04

And here's the link to the page with my most Googled image ever

Four years vs. six weeks

In PA, they're cursing him still,
That ground hog with only one skill.
The shadow he viewed
Brought the bad attitude,
And, this winter, we've more than our Phil!

Beyond a shadow of doubt
Pittsburgh Tribune-Review, 2/3/05

George Bush cast a shadow, as well
While giving us all the hard sell
And as we got snowed
We looked down the road
And saw four frigging years of this hell!

Winning the war of perception
Tom Shales, Washington Post, 2/3/05

Is Michael bad?

Michael Jackson is going on trial
For actions, both heinous and vile;
But his fans aren't perturbed
Like some children, they're lured
And seduced, less by substance than style.

Jackson Trial: Fans, potential jurors first up
Seattle Post-Intelligencer, 2/1/05


Gives new meaning to the following:

Bad
------Michael Jackson

Your Butt Is Mine
Gonna Tell You Right
Just Show Your Face
In Broad Daylight
I'm Telling You
On How I Feel
Gonna Hurt Your Mind
Don't Shoot To Kill
Come On,

Come On,
Lay It On Me
All Right...

I'm Giving You
On Count Of Three
To Show Your Stuff
Or Let It Be...
I'm Telling You
Just Watch Your Mouth
I Know Your Game
What You're About

Well They Say The Sky's The Limit
And To Me That's Really True
But My Friend You Have Seen Nothin'
Just Wait 'Till I Get Through...

Because I'm Bad, I'm Bad - Come On
(Bad Bad - Really, Really Bad)
You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad -You Know It
(Bad Bad - Really, Really Bad)
You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad-Come On, You Know
(Bad Bad - Really, Really Bad)
And The Whole World Has To Answer Right Now
Just To Tell You Once Again,
Who's Bad...

The Word Is Out
You're Doin' Wrong
Gonna Lock You Up
Before Too Long,
Your Lyin' Eyes
Gonna Take You Right
So Listen Up
Don't Make A Fight,
Your Talk Is Cheap
You're Not A Man
You're Throwin' Stones
To Hide Your Hands

But They Say The Sky's The Limit
And To Me That's Really True
And My Friends You Have Seen Nothin'
Just Wait 'Till I Get Through...

Because I'm Bad, I'm Bad - Come On
(Bad Bad - Really, Really Bad)
You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad-You Know It
(Bad Bad - Really, Really Bad)
You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad-You Know It, You Know
(Bad Bad - Really, Really Bad)
And The Whole World Has To Answer Right Now
(And The Whole World Has To Answer Right Now)
Just To Tell You Once Again,
(Just To Tell You Once Again)
Who's Bad...

We Can Change The World Tomorrow
This Could Be A Better Place
If You Don't Like What I'm Sayin'
Then Won't You Slap My Face...

Because I'm Bad, I'm Bad - Come On
(Bad Bad - Really, Really Bad)
You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad-You Know It
(Bad Bad - Really, Really Bad)
You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad-You Know It, You Know
(Bad Bad - Really, Really Bad)

Woo! Woo! Woo!
(And The Whole World Has To Answer Right Now Just To Tell You Once Again...)

You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad - Come On
(Bad Bad - Really, Really Bad)
You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad-You Know It-You Know It
(Bad Bad - Really, Really Bad)
You Know, You Know, You
Know, Come On
(Bad Bad - Really, Really Bad)
And The Whole World Has To
Answer Right Now
(And The Whole World Has To
Answer Right Now)
Just To Tell You
(Just To Tell You Once Again)

You Know I'm Smooth, I'm Bad, You Know It
(Bad Bad - Really, Really Bad)
You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad Baby
(Bad Bad - Really, Really Bad)
You Know, You Know, You
Know It, Come On
(Bad Bad - Really, Really Bad)
And The Whole World Has To
Answer Right Now
(And The Whole World Has To
Answer Right Now)
Woo!
(Just To Tell You Once Again)

You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad-You Know It
(Bad Bad - Really, Really Bad)
You Know I'm Bad-You Know-Hoo!
(Bad Bad - Really, Really Bad)
You Know I'm Bad-I'm Bad-You Know It, You Know
(Bad Bad - Really, Really Bad)
And The Whole World Has To Answer Right Now
(And The Whole World Has To Answer Right Now)
Just To Tell You Once Again...
(Just To Tell You Once Again...)
Who's Bad?
Source: http://www.sing365.com

What's next?

In Iraq, now that voting is done,
The question is not just who's won;
But can they unite
To abandon the fight
With a true rule of law, not of gun?

Beyond the bullets, a new constitution is the crucial issue for this democracy
The Guardian, 1/31/05

Condom failure in Spain

The conception that condoms make safe
Gave the bishops in Spain a real chafe.
The pope is didactic
On acts, prophylactic:
He demands that you wear only faith.

Spanish Bishops Rebut Spokesman's Support of Condoms
Washington Post, 1/20/05

Inaugural blues

Tomorrow's the day to give vent
And to protest the lives that were spent
On a war waged in haste
And the millions we waste.
If you're blue, then don't spend a red cent!



Or if you have more to not spend,

Imperial designs?

To Prince Harry:

Nazi emblems can truly offend
For the message of hate that they send
But the choice in your dress
Might express even less
Than the party you chose to attend


The party that caused a king-size hangover
How Nazi gear, a popular society choice, put Harry in the doghouse
The Guardian, 1/14/05

Hypoallergenic nominee?

Shake that Kerik embarrassing hurt off
With Security chief, Michael Chertoff!
We've vetted, blood-letted,
And never regretted
The Dyson® we bought to get dirt off.


Bush demonstrates how the patented cyclonic action removes any trace of nanny problems, personal indiscretions, and even the slightest speck of data suggesting Chertoff engineered the infamous PATRIOT Act.

Bush Selects Appeals Judge for Homeland Security Post
NPR, 1/11/05

"Quaint" testimony

"Were the prison abuses a pity?
Yes, I guess that they weren't very pretty.
How is torture defined?
Well if, sirs, you don't mind;
It's a lot like this Senate committee!"

Mr. Gonzales's Testimony
Washington Post, 1/7/05

There is a Sanity Clause!

If compassion, these days, seems a rarity,
All in favor of mental health parity
Please donate to NAMI.
It won't take a swami
To see prophets are given to charity.

Thank you to all who purchased a copy of the Savant's Four Year Funk, a hand-printed, signed, limited edition collection of pearls from the last four years. As promised, I will be sending off a check to my local NAMI chapter (with a little extra from me). Surprisingly, there are still some copies left, which I may offer for sale,(profits to charity) if there is sufficient interest. Drop me a line to inquire.

For those of you who are interested in contributing directly, here is a link:

National Alliance for the Mentally Ill