Equal time

The Savant received the following anonymous response that he cannot confirm as legitmate and may have come from one of those "fake" Sarah Palins that seem to have taken over the web world. He publishes it with the proviso that, like everything "Sarah Palin" these days, it should be taken with a grain of salt.

How dare you imply I'm a quitter!
I have reason enough to fell bitter.
If you'd been as maligned,
You might have resigned
In order to find a good sitter.

Harry Potter and the Tempest in a Teapot

World conflict may teeter and totter
But no topic today will be hotter
Than the fate of young Harry.
Aren't you just a bit wary
That you're clay being molded by 'Potter?'

Kids' Grief Counselors Wait By Phones
in Case Harry Potter Dies
By Mark Herlihy, Bloomberg, 7/20/07

Harry Potter wants to be free? Huh?
Sharing knowledge is one thing,
stealing information is another
By David Lazarus, The San Francisco Chronicle, 7/20/07

Spoiler Frenzy Follows Early Mailing of 'Hallows'
By Monica Hesse, The Washington Post, 7/19/07

An Epic Showdown as Harry Potter Is Initiated Into Adulthood
HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS Book Review
By Michiko Kakutani, The New York Times, 7/19/07
[Warning: this could be a spoiler]

A cup of kindness yet

I've tried since September 11,
With verses and limericks, to leaven
The news, at its worst.
If I may be the first,
Let me say "Happy 2007!"

In the last week we have witnessed the demise of a dictator, the passing of a president, the loss of the godfather of soul and many more souls lost in the Grand Guignol that is Iraq. None requiring comment from the Savant to heighten its poignancy.

During my holiday hiatus I have given some thought to the future of this blog. I have been filling these virtual pages with my detritus for five years now. First, on my website and finally here on this blog. The discovery of blogging was a revelation since it no longer required a major reformat every time I wished to make a post. So, technically it has actually become easier to do what I set out to do.

There certainly has been no shortage of topical nonsense to fuel my nonsense rhymes so I can’t claim a lack of subject matter. There are many more talented limerick writers than I (e.g. see Graham Lester’s wonderful ditty in the comments on my last post). Graham, along with many equally talented folks, has been contributing regularly to the OEDILF (Omnificent English Dictionary In Limerick Form), a remarkable project that I wish I had thought up. My sole contribution so far (on the word "retromingent") has been removed since the dictionary is nowhere near the "Rs" yet.

Yet, I can’t claim to be filling the much-needed niche for political limerick writers, either. As I have discovered along the way, mine was not a unique idea, as I would have liked to believe. Bob Duplantier had already published his book Politickles before I had the notion to self-publish on the Web. And Madeleine "Mad" Kane has been liberally churning out left-wing humor, including limericks, for some time now. I know that I can’t resist taking aim at some of our inflated celebrities, as well, but political figures are more often in my sights.

I have also realized that a blogger is only as good as his/her last post. If you wish to be read, then you need to write. Like the shark that must keep moving to live, a static blog will only sink to the bottom of the ocean of words written every day on the Internet. I have never fooled myself into believing that this venture was more than a self-indulgent pastime. That it has managed to entertain some others, beside myself, greatly pleases me. Though I am not ready to deep six the idea, I may do less to keep it afloat in the year ahead(that certainly beat the nautical metaphor to death didn’t it?). Let's hope less is more.

I have been contemplating a blog in which I can explore the history of my maternal grandfather who died when I was only two. He is my namesake (no, not "Limerick") and I find that I yearn to know more about him and his life. I also hope to use the process as a means for spending more time with my mother who will be my primary source of information. I expect it to be of no interest to anyone but myself and possibly my family but it is what draws me now.

As to the Savant in 2007, who knows? Looking ahead, I can only quote a recently viewed bumper sticker, "Is it 2008 yet?"



U.S. military deaths in Iraq reach 3,000
By Solomon Moore, The Los Angeles Times, 12/31/06

Congratulations

To the You Generation

So, what has a blogger to do
To become one of Time's timely few,
When their "Person," this year,
Is an Internet peer?
Seems they overlooked me and chose you!


The cover that could have been

Person of the Year: You
Yes, you. You control the Information Age.
Welcome to your world.
By Lev Grossman, Time Magazine, 12/13/06

Embracing our diversity

For bloggers from near and from far,
The blogosphere is the Bazaar.
The concept, ubuntu,
's the wavelength we tune to,
Where others define who we are.

Yes, I know I was mixing my metaphors or, to be more exact, my similes and metaphors. I'm afraid I haven't taken Ogden Nash's literary advice to heart (see Very Like a Whale and don't miss the link to the Byron poem, The Destruction of Sennacherib, which it lampoons).

Not being of Nash's caliber as writer or humorist, I found it necessary to abuse those tools to express my excitement over the discovery of the Bantu concept of ubuntu, "I am because we are." Suddenly, it seemed the perfect way to express my experience of the blogging phenomenon. Ubuntu seems to capture how the blogosphere (I hate that term) has created interconnectedness among many individuals, worldwide, who share their similarities and differences in a generally civilized way through posts and comments on those posts. Maybe that makes us all mixed metaphors of a sort? I know that the longer I do this the more, what was once, a solitary activity has become a conversation.

As often happens, a confluence of events led me to this post. Firstly, I caught the story about ubuntu on PRI's "The World" during my evening commute. Then, I belatedly read about Ronni Bennett's "Elderblogger PhoneCon." Ronni's recap made me sorry that I missed the telephone meet-up but hopeful for the opportunity to participate in January. If only she will schedule part of it during evening hours for those of us for whom blogging has to take a backseat to other duties. Ronni, if you do, I promise a recitation of a limerick composed especially for the occasion. Ronni's conference call and her blog, Time Goes By, in general, voice that spirit of ubuntu that I sense many of us bloggers are striving toward. Thanks, Ronni, for making the world a smaller, closer, and (greenhouse gas emissions aside) warmer place.


The Africa Report
The World, PRI, 10/26/06

Taking the reins

I’m back in the saddle again
And thanks to my true bloggin' friends,
Whoopi-ty-aye-oh,
I’m a-rarin’ to go.
I've sharpened my tongue and my pen.

Thanks to these pardners who offered words of encouragement when the Savant got bucked into the brambles. Give them a visit cuz it can get mighty lonely bloggin' out there on the range.

Annie at Taking into consideration

Aparna at newsmericks

Tamar now at Mining Nuggets

Alan at Some Final Thoughts

spookyrach at Skewed View

mikmik at ? [when you getting your own site Mike?]

And these two special pards who corraled their own herd to drive toward these here parts.

Cowntown Pattie at Texas Trifles

Ronnie at Time Goes By

Poverty of speech

No student of verse should be cursed
By having his fortunes reversed.
I'd never have reckoned
My thoughts would come second
In order to please TeachersFirst

This is much more than a mere collection of contemporary limericks. It is rather a witty and provocative poetic commentary on politics, government, and economics... It's acerbic ... and not for the easily offended, but it does provide a creative way to begin a class discussion on a hot topic. ...preview carefully before sharing with students. [emphasis mine]
---excerpt from Site Resources listing at TeachersFirst

Now that school's out on that one, the Savant, who hates respectability, hopes to shake his recent writer's block and be back in form next week.

Recent Additions to TeachersFirst
TeachersFirst.com
[or search for "limerick" at this site]

Indulging my vanity

No need to ask "Where's the beef?" It's all there in the 192nd Carnival of the Vanities at Elisson's blog, including a tidbit on word origins.

Many thanks to him for including one of the Savant's recent posts in the feast:

The Limerick Savant is funny,
And, often, he’s right on the money.
In just one poem, he’s taken
Monty Python, Kevin Bacon,
And Al Qaeda. But where is Bugs Bunny?
---Elisson

Though he may have butchered the limerick form a bit in that one, it's a rare collection, and well done.

Carnival of the Vanities #192
Blog d'Elisson, 5/23/06

Coo coo cachoo

The Carnival of Satire (#34) is now up

Handled with kid gloves

Just learned Surfnetkids has been linking.
Well, something in Denmark is stinking!
Share Savant's twisted views
With suggestible youths?
What ever could Barbara be thinking?!

"I wouldn't want to link to any site that would accept a link to my blog"
----------L.S. 2006 (channeling Groucho Marx)

"Limerick Savant... I loved it!"
Surfing the Net with Kids
by Barbara J. Felman

...that only a mother could love

"M" is for her every mot, très bon.
"O" is for the void she leaves when gone.
"M" for if I May
Celebrate her day
With a Limerick of All Mothers Marathon.

Welcome to the 1st (annual?) Carnival of Moms or, as it will forever be known on this blog, the Limerick of All Mothers Marathon. I have invited a number of bloggers more talented than I (and certainly those hacks at Hallmark) to help me create, if not the best, at least the wordiest Mothers’ Day card ever. I was overwhelmed by the response and touched to learn that so many of them had mothers too. Like many a greeting card you may find some humor, some poignancy and maybe even some schmaltz (see above rhyme) but, as far as I can tell, there are no fart jokes. So take your time browsing and pick out whatever you like but please don’t switch the envelopes.

It rhymes with “balm” or “bomb”

Yes, it seems it’s much easier for we sons to idealize the relationship. Maybe it’s the Oedipus thing, but just wait until Father’s Day.

Graham from Point2Point who is a talented limerickist and writer sent this link to a fine quartet of Mother’s Day limericks.

Aparna, who may be my alter-ego in India, with his newsmiricks blog provided this trio:
I
On this truth, I am ready to swear,
That since God could not be everywhere,
He fashioned these others,
And titling them 'mothers',
Gave them part of his creation to bear!

II
She held you nine months in her tummy,
Was excited when you called her 'mummy'.
She hugged and she scolded,
You were nurtured and moulded,
And she made all those cookies, real yummy!

III
You may feel you don't owe her a dime,
She's a nag, who's now well past her prime.
But remember those years,
When she hugged off your fears,
On this day, give her a gift -- of your time.

Robert Duplantier, who has actually figured out a way to make money writing limericks, generously contributed five of his which may be found among many others on his Politickles website.

KID STUFF
"We bought goofy games to play
And weird-smelling modeling clay,
Plus lots of toys
That make loud noise,
To give Mom on Mother's Day."

PERSONAL GROWTH
Someone started a silly rumor
About Mother's sense of humor:
Seems she'd sworn
'Til the day I was born
That she planned to call me "Tumor."

MOTHER FIGURE
How the concept contributes to mirth:
This idea that our mother's the earth!
Is your Mom fat and round,
Several septillion pounds,
With a 25,000-mile girth?

MIXED BREED
The fertility clinic messed up
And assigned to my wife the wrong "cup":
Thanks to their help,
She delivered a whelp
And I'm now the proud pop of a pup!

FALLS CONFIDENCE?
There's no better month than June
For a second honeymoon,
So it's off to Niagara
With a quart of Viagra
And an extra-large measuring spoon!

One of Aparna’s readers, Padmaja was kind enough to send this little ditty:

Do we need Mother's Day
To bring up the urge to say,
Ma, I love you n thank you
'Cos you are one of the few
With whom I always have my way!


Jeff at Have Coffee Will Write got the idea this was a contest. Maybe I’ll have to send him a yellowing copy of the Savant’s chap book, Four-year Funk for these acerbic selections:

Limerick of All Mothers I
Limerick of All Mothers II
Limerick of All Mothers III

Or maybe he should just cut back on the caffeine.

What’s it like growing up with an Italian mother? Tony at The Blast Furnace will tell you. He also passed along this advice for using limericks as a public speaking tool:

Funny story -- about 10-12 years ago, as part of a "Free Speech Day" celebration at Youngstown State, I was invited to participate in a reading sponsored by the English department. Most of the other participants in the event were very serious about the whole thing, but I couldn't shake Tom Lehrer's "dirty books are fun" quote out of my head for about a week prior to the reading. Determined to make people laugh (and squirm), I brought with me a tome of baudy limericks from the 1960's I borrowed from my mom with some of my favorites earmarked.

And mourning becomes Electra

Daughters and mothers seem to share a different perspective. Maybe that is because they can be, and often are, both.

One of my favorite blogs, when I find time to read them, is Texas Trifles. The very talented writer and proprietor, Cowtown Pattie, took aim and hit her mark.

An Ode to Joyce

My personal birth-giver is neither saccarine nor sour
And much too onery for any ivory tower
Her razor-sharp tongue filets to the bone
Never softening words, the meaning well honed
Who else but "the Joyce" could wield such maternal power?

(*Aye, tis true my mom is a thorny burr in my side, but I love her!)


Mad Kane, the matter to Bob Duplantier’s anti-matter, offers up this Mother’s Day Limerick. Check out the “Secret Shopper” post and her humorous political verse while you’re at it.

Jill, who Writes Like She Talks, and, unlike the Savant, doesn’t speak in rhyme, still sent along these two offerings:

There once was a mother named Jill
Whose life mirrored Sysiphus and the hill
Her three kids she did push
Til her brain was but mush
Yet her love for them grew even still.

Oh mother what color is your hair
I know it was once naturally fair
I swore that I wouldn't
Cause I always thought you shouldn't
But now that I do? What a scare.

Annie has been taking into consideration how that relationship with mom goes better with the right wine.

Thanks to Jude from the Hinterlands of Australia for reminding us about Remembering our mothers even when they no longer remember us.

Elaine of Kaliliy bravely shares the reality of being the primary caregiver to a parent who has never been your best friend.

Tamar lets us take in the unique wisdom of African-American mothers from a book given by a friend.

Finally, despite being in the midst of a move to Maine from NYC, Ronni sends A Mother's Last Best Lesson, a three month series of posts about her mother’s final days.

I would like to finish this marathon on a personal, but lighter, note that has meaning in my family but may resonate for some other readers as well.

Now, Mom, so you'll know that it's me
I'll recall your ubiquitous plea:
Whenever they fought,
Your children were taught,
"Little birds in their nests will agree."

This phrase, (actually "birds in their little nests agree") purportedly borrowed from Little Women, (though harder to find there than a solution to the Da Vinci Code) was uttered, with perfect timing by my mother, for years in the midst of nearly every sibling brawl. The words, in their simple inanity, stunned my sisters and myself into total silence and brought even the most virulent disagreement to a sudden halt.

Even at a very young age, we were dumbfounded by such triteness coming from the mouth of this, otherwise, intelligent and well-spoken woman. We were convinced that this must surely be an early symptom of some rare, wasting "jungle" disease caused by the bite of an insect smaller than a grain of kosher salt and whose name could only be pronounced using a series of tongue clicks and guttural burps. Needless to say, our other concerns of the moment paled by comparison and we would rush, in unison, to her side to comfort and reassure her. Such is the wisdom of a mother.

Thank you, Mom, and, on that, I think we "birds" all agree.

Thanks to all who helped publicize this effort including George at Brewed Fresh Daily.

A request from the Savant

My 87 year old mother has just recently fallen and broken her neck and is now at home recovering. She has always been one of the Savant's most loyal fans ("only a mother could love") and is surely the source of his twisted sense of word play. I wish to do something very special for this woman to whom I owe so much. Please help me pay tribute to her and to all mothers this Sunday with a Limerick of All Mothers Marathon.

What I propose is a sort of Carnival of Moms to be hosted at this blog. Many of you will probably be posting wishes of the day on your own blogs and I ask that you send me the URLs so that I may post a link and a comment. For those of you that are not yet blogging, (why not?) please send me your Mothers' Day thoughts and I will post them as well. Naturally, I am especially interested in limericks, poems or songs to, or about, mothers; but all submissions, serious or comic, will be accepted. The submissions may be sent directly to me at limericksavantATSYMBOLgmail.com by Saturday, May 13.

Please forward this request (by clicking the envelope icon below) to anyone who you think would be interested or, better yet, post it on your blog. Thanks in advance for the support. And please don't tell mom.

Consider the alternative

Thank you, Ronni, for setting the pace
On an issue that all of us face;
And answering why,
As time goes on by,
We must greet it with power and grace.

Here's looking at you, kid.
Happy Birthday!
Hope you play it again,
and again and again and again and again and…

Time Goes By
What it's really like to get older
By Ronni Bennett

Sideshow Savant

This carnival, broad as humanity,
Hawks wisdom as well as inanity.
So, if you will go
To the Beltway, below,
You'll find I'm indulging my vanity.

Addendum:
I was remiss in not acknowledging these other fine carnivals that also had the good taste to showcase the Savant-

The Carnival of Satire (#27)
At the skwib, 3/30/06

Carnival of Comedy 48: The Border Patrol Edition
At Dr. Phat Tony's, 3/29/06

Carnival Of The Celebrities
At Don Surber, 3/25/06

Carnival Of The Vanities # 184
At Below the Beltway, 3/29/06

Why, ain’t that work?

Well, maybe it is, and maybe it ain’t. All I know, is, it suits Limerick Savant.

River Ratt of the Ratt Hole saw how much fun I was having and offered up this timely verse but, I'm sorry, I just couldn't accept any more unsolicited submissions at limericksavantATgmailDOTcom.

His political career has been rocky,
In the race to succeed George Pataki,
So Tom Golisano
Won't go mano a mano,
Preferring to stick with his hockey.

Golisano says 'no' to governor's race
Tom Precious, The Buffalo News, 2/91/06

Ka-Qing! That'll cost you

It's clear that we can't take you places.
Now, you've gone and destroyed priceless vases!
You ignored her advice
And you're paying the price.
Mom told you to tie up those laces!

Thanks to Mags at You Forgot Poland for alerting me to this story. And check out this tasty little limerick from her as well. Bet that will wake you up in the morning!

Historic vases smashed in stumble
BBC News, 1/30/06

Happy punniversary!

After more than a year, it is time
I acknowledge this fellow in rhyme.
His writing's insightful;
His punning is frightful;
But it's all Brother K.'s paradigm.

Brother Kenya's Paradigm

What! No Tilt-A-Whirl?

Our ideal, into real, oft collides
When it's somebody else that decides.
It needed a symbol;
The writing was nimble,
But where were the Carnival rides?

Congratulations from the freak show at the far end of the midway of NEO bloggers.

NEO Nimble Minds Carnival
The first ever carnival of North East Ohio bloggers

On the cul-de-sac

This one's inspired by Cowtown Pattie's latest post:

I once thought I'd head down that street
With poetic anger, replete;
But awed veneration
Of Jack's generation
Has turned into feeling just beat.

Spiders Across the Stars
Texas Trifles, 11/17/05

If journaling makes you a journalist,...

avoid racing.

It took me a while to cull my thoughts about the lively and lengthy discussion over "blogger ethics" at Brewed Fresh Daily into limerick form. The result may win me no friends among bloggers.

Can the blogosphere just self-assess
Without standards imposed? Well, I guess;
But, for pros who write prose,
We ask more, I suppose,
Than this Internet Vanity Press.

Tech Link: Kent State panel discussion:
Ethics for bloggers?
Brewed Fresh Daily, 11/2/05