The Candy Date's J-bait!

Roy sez:

Other’s standards, I simply ignore.

After all, what's a teenager for

But to fondle and grope;

Even when she says “nope!”

Like some voters, she really wants Moore.

Survivor

The cardinals' conclave is nigh and
They'll give it the old college try and
Select a new pontiff.
It's what we all want if
He's not voted off of the island.

Where are you ever going to find reality TV as good as this?

Did a Cross-Dressing Priest Sex Ring Bring Down Benedict XVI?

by Barbie Latza Nadeau Feb 22, 2013,The Daily Beast

The Catholic Church Is Insular and Intolerant

by Robert Shrum Mar 8, 2013, The Daily Beast

The Holy See (no evil)

The Church keeps denying the scope
Of the problem with clergy who grope;
But continued abuse
Only tends to confuse.
Should we call him the Perp or the Pope?

Should There Be an Inquisition for the Pope?
Maureen Dowd, The New York Times, 3/30/10

The Wright stuff?

Barack's pastor (who's no Dr. King)
Has been adding more mud to the sling;
But each new Jeremiad
Doesn't mean they're a dyad
Nor Obama will do the Wright thing.

Excuse me but when are the media going to start asking tough questions about the issues and quit focusing on the politics of personality and guilt by association? I'm tired of hearing about the Wright stuff! I care about who has the right stuff!

Where Wright Goes Wrong
By Eugene Robinson, The Washington Post, 4/29/08

So it ends and begins

Those who seek to be leaders of state
Often meet with a violent fate.
Now, as proof of that fear,
The beloved Benazir
Fell victim to militant hate.

Two Benazir Bhuttos
By Anne Applebaum, The Washington Post, 1/1/2008

What the Dickens?

Good will wishes seem filled with deception
When we choose who's in line for reception.
Let’s remove all the guessing
By invoking Gods’ blessing
On the world as a whole, no exception!

"God bless us, everyone." - Tiny Tim

Whom would Jesus exclude?
By Connie Schultz, The Plain Dealer, 12/18/07

Uncle Al (Zawahri) wants you

Now hiring a sober self-starter.
There is no opportunity smarter
Than a job with al-Qaida.
You won’t be well-paid-a,
But can end your career as a martyr!

[Recycle Alert: the above is a reworked version of a limerick posted on the Savant's original website. Plus ca change, la meme chose]

al-Qaida Calls for War Against Pakistan
The Guardian, 7/11/07

WWJD?

What would Jesse (or Mel, or Al, or Michael) do?

Mister Imus is sure on his own,
But it seems Rev'rend Jackson's been prone
To use racist speech.
Yet, shouldn't he teach:
"Let he, without slurs, cast the stone?"

Misogyny in the Morning
By Eugene Robinson, The Washington Post, 4/10/07

No monopoly on stupidity

First, Benedict called them "inhuman"
And Muslims, worldwide, started fumin'.
Now, al-Qaeda's reply
Seeks to prove it a lie
By slitting some throats, we're presumin'?

"Show me just what Muhammad brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached."
----Pope Benedict XVI quoting Emperor Manuel II Paleologus

“We tell the worshipper of the Cross that you and the West will be defeated . . . May God enable us to slit their throats, and make their money and descendants the bounty of the mujahidin.”
----Mujahidin Shura Council

Calls for calm as militants threaten to kill the Pope
By Richard Owen, The Times Online, 9/19/06

Ayatollah you "no!"

"The veto is not based on constitutional or legal objections. He is vetoing it because he says he believes it is immoral. Mr. President, you are not our moral ayatollah, maybe the president, nothing more."
-----Tom Harkin (D) Senator from Iowa

Bush vetoed this bill with a grin
That masked his war-mongering twin.
Invoking morality
Just shows, in reality,
What a hypocrite Dubbaya's been.

In First Veto, Bush Blocks Stem Cell Bill
By David Stout, The New York Times, 7/19/06

Opie's Day

Ron hopes that more protests explode
When ticket sales start to erode.
It don't take Da Vinci
To know it's a cinch he
Already deciphered that code!

From Hollywood, a Prayer in 'Code'
By Eugene Robinson, The Washington Post, 5/19/06

Newsflash: Both leaks came from the top

One's questions of faith grow acuter
When faced with a major refuter.
We discovered this week
Mr. Bush sprung the leak,
In the gospel according to Scooter.

The Lost Gospel of Judas Iscariot?
NPR, 4/6/06

Libby Said Bush OKd Leaks
By Richard B. Schmitt and Peter Wallsten
Los Angeles Times, 4/7/06

Chef's return: a dish served cold

He who shafts last, shafts best

Is it tasteful, not even a smidgen,
Using faith like a comic clay pigeon?
We applaud Isaac Hayes
For amending his ways
In defense of his crackpot religion!

Speaking of pigeons, see the Savant's take on another controversy over humor v. religion.

A 'South Park' Character's Return Becomes an Opportunity for Revenge
By Alessandra Stanley, The New York Times, 3/24/06

Looking for comedy in the...

Muslim Christian Jewish Hindu World?

The outrage has spread like a rumor
And grown like a cancerous tumor.
Thus, as to religion,
Who's hit by the pigeon
Determines who senses the humor.









Did you hear about the atheist's funeral?
All dressed up and nowhere to go.

Special Report: Cartoon Protests
The Guardian, 2/7/06

Origin of specious

You may think the Savant had resolved:
"In '06, politics? Not involved!"
Could domestic surveillance
By right-wing assailants
Have meant I'd have thusly devolved?

No, I haven't been losing my spine.
My omissions are only a sign
That there never has been
An intelligence in
My creation by limerick design.

BREAKTHROUGH OF THE YEAR:
Evolution in Action
Elizabeth Culotta and Elizabeth Pennisi
Science, 12/23/05

Finding solace in the solstice

This concern over greetings is rot!
Will my wishes be P.C. or not?
After weighing the trends,
I'll seek equal offense
And express them so "X" marks the spot.

Merry Xmas
Peace on earth
Good will toward men all

Church groups confront Wal-Mart for dropping Christmas message
By Tom Chorneau, San Jose Mercury News, 12/17/05
[And there are so many better reasons to attack Wal-Mart!]

A message from the sisters at

Gamma Gamma Chi

It's OK if you're wondering why
Would a Muslim sorority try
To open on campus,
But please do not stamp us
"The Sweethearts of al-Qaida Chi."

For Muslims seeking sisterhood, fledgling sorority may be answer
By Jenny Jarvie, Los Angeles Times, 12/11/05

Hear Yee, Hear Yee!

Though they voice a more tolerant tone,
Anti-Islam abuses have grown.
Wonder how that could be?
You must read Captain Yee
And you'll see how they act toward their own.

"I was sure that I was being imprisoned in large part because I had fought so hard to ensure the detainees at Guantánamo were given the things they needed to practice their religion, yet here I was being denied those things myself."
-James Yee, For God and Country: Faith and Patriotism Under Fire, 2005

Chaplain cites anti-Islam zeal
By Carol Rosenberg, The Miami Herald, 10/7/05