No end to burning questions

They're extinguishing Harriet Miers!
Seems the more that the Senate requires,
The less Bush supplies.
So, they thought it unwise
Her providing more fuel for the fires.

Harriet Miers Withdraws Nomination
By Fred Barbash, Washington Post, 10/27/05

What's Jermaine to Clevelanders

In Cleveland, we stayed up all night
Bemoaning the season that might
Have led to the Series.
Here's one of our theories:
Next year, we must shock the Sox, White.

Chicago's sweeping beauties
Sox win their first Series title since 1917
Paul Hoynes, The Plain Dealer, 10/27/05

A message from Ahnuld

"Ah'll be bahking your state's Issue 4
Just to give Gerry Mander what for.
If you draw the lines straighter,"
Says the famed Governator,
"It won't look like Kuala Lumpur."

Conan says,

"Only a barbarian would
draw voting districts like this!"

Schwarzenegger backs Ohio's Issue 4 reform initiatives
By Jim Tankersley, The Toledo Blade, 10/19/05

From her seat, she stood tall

When her heavenly transit embarks,
At the forefront will sit Rosa Parks.
For her one simple act
Will forever impact
And teach us from whence Freedom sparks.

Civil Rights Icon Rosa Parks Dies
NPR, 10/25/05

The view from the "North Coast"

Met with bloggers from NEO*, last night
And we talked of "what is" and "what might."
Whatever their bent,
They all represent
A future for Cleveland that's bright.

*[That's Northeast Ohio for you Matrix fans]

Oct Blog Meetup
The Town Fryer, 10/19/05

Wake up and smell the city

Does he have universal appeal?
Don't know, but the postings are real.
He brews local news
And elicits your views.
In Cleveland, that's "BFD."

What, me curry?

Cowtown Pattie uncovered the clues
That will lead to my comical muse,
But I swear Alfred E.
Ain't got nuthin' on me.
If I'm MAD, should that come as real news?

A new hat in the ring?

Remember that powerful ring which
Mr. Frodo "destroyed?" It's the thing which
Has lured Mr. Newt
To begin the pursuit
That could lead us from Gollum to Gingrich.



Gingrich Considers White House Run
CBS News, 10/14/05

No previous history of violence

Those with children who love Papa Smurf
Better censor the sites that they surf.
As to mayhem and death:
Who'da thunk UNICEF
Could out-shock Cronenberg on that turf?



Smurfs 'bombed' in UN ad campaign
BBC News, 10/12/05

It's the infrastructure, stupid!

Shi`a, Sunni, and Kurds can't deny
That a new constitution won't fly
Unless it proceeds
To provide for the needs
Of Iraqis who barely get by.

He said that the portrayal of Iraq by Western leaders of efforts to introduce democracy, including Saturday's national vote on the country's proposed constitution was "unreal" to most of its citizens. In Baghdad, children and women were kept at home to prevent them from being kidnapped for money or sold into slavery. They faced a desperate struggle to find the money to keep generators running to provide themselves with electricity. "They aren't sitting in their front rooms discussing the referendum on the constitution."
-Iraq has descended into anarchy, says Fisk
By Nigel Morris, The Independent, 10/13/05

Iraq reconstruction shows 'limited progress'
By Tom Regan, The Christian Science Monitor, 8/26/05

Iraqi Lawmakers OK Last-Minute Amendments
By Mariam Fam, The Guardian, 10/13/05

GriM Prophecy

Don't you think that the industry ceded
Years ago, when the omens weren't heeded?
When every outsource
Determined that course,
Why is Delphi, as oracle, needed?

Staggering blow: Delphi's bankruptcy ominous sign for fading auto industry
By Bill Vlasic and Brett Clanton, The Detroit News 10/9/05

Hear Yee, Hear Yee!

Though they voice a more tolerant tone,
Anti-Islam abuses have grown.
Wonder how that could be?
You must read Captain Yee
And you'll see how they act toward their own.

"I was sure that I was being imprisoned in large part because I had fought so hard to ensure the detainees at Guantánamo were given the things they needed to practice their religion, yet here I was being denied those things myself."
-James Yee, For God and Country: Faith and Patriotism Under Fire, 2005

Chaplain cites anti-Islam zeal
By Carol Rosenberg, The Miami Herald, 10/7/05

Earning their "Honorable" title

The country can count on McCain
To act as the president's bane.
Who better to know
How to deal with a foe
By making the torture humane?

Senate Supports Interrogation Limits
90-9 Vote on the Treatment of Detainees
Is a Bipartisan Rebuff of the White House
By Charles Babington and Shailagh Murray
Washington Post, 10/6/05

Memorandum

From: Karl Rove
Subj: Justice "Cypher"
To: President Bush

When Justice O'Connor retires,
Who'll replace her? Why, Harriet Miers!
What's there to assail
With no paper trail
Of tenets to which she aspires?

Rove played an active role in selection of Miers
By Joseph Curl, The Washington Times, 10/6/05

A Russell of Fall leaves

It makes the Savant a bit tipsy
To recall all the comical quips he
Delivered in rhyme.
A man of his time;
There's a chill in the air without Nipsey.

"The opposite of pro is con
that fact is clearly seen
if progress means move forward
then what does Congress mean?"
- Nipsey Russell

Rhyming Funnyman Nipsey Russell Dies
By Joe Holley, Washington Post, 10/4/05

One, for the money; and two, for the show

Delay says, indictments, he'll quash
And that laundering charges won't wash;
But his obvious greed
Reminds one, indeed,
Of the work of Hieronymous Bosch.


Tom Delay (in bed) with several unindicted co-conspirators

Grand Jury Re-Indicts DeLay on New Charges
By April Castro, Associated Press Writer
The Guardian, 10/4/05

Your patriotic duty

I want to again encourage my readers to support the NAMI Campaign for the Mind of America. Heaven knows we need it. Even President Bush might benefit according to Lawrence O'Donnell of The McLaughlin Group.

See The McLaughlin Group from 9/23/05 in which O'Donnell asserts that Bush's comparison of Hurricane Katrina to terrorism is a clear sign of his deteriorating mental state.

So whether it's recognizing a good cause, empathy, guilt, or just acknowledging your patriotic duty to help your poor addled president; please click on the link below. You will at least get the Savant out from behind his computer and showing his face in the light of day and you will definitely be doing some good for those who, unlike Bush, often have a difficult time speaking out for themselves.

Thank you.

Weather or not

Fate seizes but, rarely, it grants.
We're so tired of the Bush song & dance
That we hope he takes heed
And chooses to lead
And with Rita, he'll get a new chance.

Missed ya lie!

Brother Kenya and his eagle eyes
Left me no other choice than revise.
Now with hardly a trace
Of egg on my face
I have captured the pullet surprise.

Wow! Thanks to Elisson for selecting my photo caption (in limerick form, of course) as the winner in his recent contest.

The last time I won something was in seventh grade when the prize was The Heritage of the Cleveland Indians record album featuring veteran sportscaster, Jimmy Dudley.

YAP - Yet, Another Plea

No limerick today. Just another plea for support. This is NAMI's primary fund raiser of the year and, though there are many worthwhile causes seeking support in the wake of Katrina, we must not neglect those that still need our help. Maybe you have a neighbor, co-worker, or family member (I do) who is trying to cope with mental illness. Or maybe, like me, you have worked in the field of mental health. (What! You thought I earn a living doing this?). Please consider walking in your local event, if you have one, or make a donation (no matter how small) to someone who is walking. (Am I such a bad choice?)

For this week ONLY, I will send a signed copy of my chapbook, Four-year Funk, to all readers who sponsor my walk with a donation of $10 or more. Click the NAMIWalks link below for more information on this very worthwhile cause. Or check it out with charity evaluation links below.

The Campaign for the Mind of America is a multi-year effort on many fronts to promote investment in recovery and to prevent the abandonment of yet another generation of Americans with mental illnesses to neglect and hopelessness. The Campaign highlights the need to build a comprehensive, efficient system to screen, evaluate, diagnose and treat mental illnesses at every stage of life.

NAMI is a 501(c)3 charity and any donation you make to support my participation in this event is tax deductible. NAMI has been rated by Worth magazine as among the top 100 charities "most likely to save the world" and has been given an "A" rating (better than the American Red Cross, CARE, MDA, or Farm Aid to name a few) by The American Institute of Philanthropy for efficient and effective use of charitable dollars. NAMI has also been given 3 out of 4 stars by The Charity Navigator for short-term spending practices and 4 out of 4 stars for long-term sustainability.

The cruelest caption

'Fraid my lastest verse can only be found at Blog D'Elisson in the comments.

Let them eat pork rinds

She could dictate voluminous tomes
About building survivors new homes.
Barbara Bush has decreed
That, for people in need,
Nothing's better than living in domes!

What I'm hearing, which is sort of scary, is they all want to stay in Texas. Everyone is so overwhelmed by the hospitality. And so many of the people in the arena here, you know, were underprivileged anyway, so this is working very well for them."

Barbara Bush in an NPR radio interview, after visiting with Hurricane Katrina evacuees in the Astrodome in Texas, 8/5/2005

Maybe Dubya plans on appointing his mom to lead the Urban Homesteading Act initiative?

Bush Promises a Massive Rebuilding of Gulf Coast
Los Angeles Times, 9/16/05

The bittersweet truth

"Stupid is as stupid does" - F. G.

'Til Roberts becomes the Chief Ump,
His answers are likely to stump.
'Nless we bite, you can bet
We won't know what we get.
He's choc'lates and we're Forrest Gump.

Roberts Resists Specifics in Senate Session
By Nina Totenberg, NPR, 9/13/05

Dubya's Disaster Relief

Recognizing his ratings are dire
Mr. Bush plans that FEMA rehire.
To Brown: "Hold your horses;
You've not the resources-
Need a fireman to put out that fire!"

Career firefighter named new FEMA director
San Jose Mercury News, 9/13/05

Biting the hand that feeds, again?

Yesterday, when my limerick appeared
In the paper, the feeling was weird.
Why is it the Press
That gets to profess
Who's worthy to be blogosphered?

Blogosphere Cleveland
Compiled by John Campanelli, The Plain Dealer, 9/11/05
[sorry, no link, so instead I link to BFD's discussion of this column]

We have nothing to fear but FOTA

[FOTA (Fear of the Alternative) was taken from an article written by Fareed Zakaria for NewsWeek in February of 2002, How to Save the Arab World. I use the concept with different meaning here]

Recyle Alert!
(reworked limerick from a previous post)
I have reworked one of the first limericks from my original website to commemorate the 4th anniversary of the 9/11 attacks.

The evil of Mohammed Atta
Cannot be discerned from the data,
For facts often lie,
Beliefs go awry,
And the Truth doesn't fly on errata.

But the heart may eventually find
What is already known in the mind:
No matter the fear
To which they adhere,
True believers are all of a kind.

So after four years we remember
Events of that day in September.
That innocence lost
Was part of the cost,
Burns on in our hearts like an ember.

Katrina's become the new headline;
Her survivors are queued in the bread line
But, still, if you squint
To read the fine print,
It says, "Life always comes with a deadline."

Uncertainty from 9/11 lingers over generation
By Barry Petchesky, The Charlotte Observer, 9/11/05

Money talks - LS walks!

Yes, he's frequently pitching the talk -
So as not to be called for the balk,
October the 1st,
Neither forced nor coerced,
The Savant will be walking the walk.

But he needs your support for this worthy cause.

Click on the NAMIWALKS link below to sponsor me.

As a special offer to the loyal readers of this blog, I will send a signed copy of the Limerick Savant's chapbook, Four-year Funk, to anyone who donates $15 or more as a sponsor. The chapbook is a beautiful handmade collection of past limericks, and it sports a three color silk screen cover. It is sure to become a collector's item (dust collectors, that is).


The Campaign for the Mind of America is a multi-year effort on many fronts to promote investment in recovery and to prevent the abandonment of yet another generation of Americans with mental illnesses to neglect and hopelessness. The Campaign highlights the need to build a comprehensive, efficient system to screen, evaluate, diagnose and treat mental illnesses at every stage of life.

Kanye believe it?

We know Dubya could just bust a cap
In his ass for the hurricane flap;
But it's Kanye's belief
FEMA's feeble relief
Means that Bush should be takin' the rap.

Which "rap" deserves to be heard? You be the judge:
[N.B. - You will not get a Supreme Court nomination whichever you pick]

Kanye West on NBC or Michael Brown's FEMA pap

NBC Deletes Rap Star's Remarks on Telethon
By Matea Gold and Scott Collins
Los Angeles Times, 9/4/05

Rising tide of criticism

How much agony could have been spared
Had we only been better prepared?
Should the Poor and the Black
Seek relief from Iraq,
Where it seems like our government cared?

That being said...
How You Can Help: Donate Now
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Alabama Governor’s Emergency Relief Fund
Please mail checks or money orders to:
Alabama Governor's Emergency Relief Fund
P.O. Box 1523
Montgomery, AL 36102
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Louisiana Disaster Recovery Foundation
Please mail checks or money orders to:
Louisiana Disaster Recovery Foundation
1201 North Third Street, Suite 7-240
PO Box 94095
Baton Rouge, LA 70804-9095
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Mississippi Hurricane Relief Fund
Please mail checks or money orders to:
Mississippi Hurricane Relief Fund
P.O. Box 139
Jackson, MS 39205
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
Or click here for TTLB's aggregator of Katrina charities

Critics Say Bush Undercut New Orleans Flood Control
By Jim VandeHei and Peter Baker
Washington Post, 9/2/05

Have I got a war for you!

Just saw the movie, The Aristocrats, with my wife on Monday (bargain night at the "Seedy-Lee," our local independent film theatre). If you are not familiar with the film, it deals with the "dirtiest joke ever" which has become a sort of off stage challenge for comedic one-upsmanship among performers. Certainly a movie for acquired, if not depraved, tastes; but showing to a packed house nevertheless. I have to admit I laughed, despite myself (and my rather low rating on "vulgar" in the "3 Variable Funny Test" that you may have noted in my previous post), especially at some of the cleverer twists on the basic theme. The joke is even told as a card trick and in mime during the screening. In no way consider this an endorsement and certainly don't mistake this film for the animated Disney movie of similar title!

So, as we are leaving the theater (yes, at the end), my wife says to me, "I wonder if it has ever been told as a limerick?" Well, how could I resist such a challenge?

In order to maintain my PG-13 rating on this blog, I have posted the limerick on "The Aristocrats" joke challenge site. Do to the constraints of their posting format, I needed to expand beyond my usual limerick form, but I think the limerick within can stand on its own as well. It would probably help if you saw the movie first (still not an endorsement) and I include my usual "Get the story" link below to explain my punch line for the nightly news challenged.

Have a look if you're so inclined but please do not click on link below if:
1. You are under 18 years of age (Yeah, like that'll stop you)
2. You have delicate sensibilities (Then why are you reading this blog?)
3. You are my mother (Really, mom, please don't! I don't want to have to explain it later).

Presenting the Limerick Savant's version of The Aristocrats or
Have I got a war for you! - An Allegory

Disclaimer: There are things more obscene than sexual and scatological references. Any resemblance of characters in this joke to real persons, living or undead, is purely coincidental; but if the shoe fits...

Global Struggle against Violent Extremism: Marketing Gimmick or Ominous Turn?
Robert Higgs, The Independent Institute, 8/8/05

Well, they are half right

I don't normally bother with these things but I followed a link at Texas Trifles and just couldn't help myself. Nothing I didn't already know but maybe that speaks to the accuracy? Hah! By the way, note my opposite in the matrix.

the Wit (57% dark, 26% spontaneous, 36% vulgar)

your humor style: CLEAN | COMPLEX | DARK You like things edgy, subtle, and smart. I guess that means you're probably an intellectual, but don't take that to mean pretentious. You realize 'dumb' can be witty--after all isn't that the Simpsons' philosophy?--but rudeness for its own sake, 'gross-out' humor and most other things found in a fraternity leave you totally flat. I guess you just have a more cerebral approach than most. You have the perfect mindset for a joke writer or staff writer. Your sense of humor takes the most thought to appreciate, but it's also the best, in my opinion. You probably loved the Office. If you don't know what I'm talking about, check it out here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/theoffice/. PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Jon Stewart - Woody Allen - Ricky Gervais

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 99% on dark You scored higher than 0% on spontaneous You scored higher than 99% on vulgar

Link: The 3 Variable Funny Test written by jason_bateman on Ok Cupid

No illusions

I kept dreaming the world might change course
If my words could just carry more force;
But now, more mature,
I just spread my manure
As I blog that proverbial horse.

Thanks to Cowtown Pattie for pointing out how prescient our spellcheckers can be.

Mourning in America

These photos should act as reminders,
In this life, we're not keepers, but finders
Who shouldn't wage war
Without knowing the score;
And that starts by removing the blinders.

U.S. forced to release honor-guard photos
The Plain Dealer, 8/5/05

Cindy: Crawford's cover girl

Cindy Sheehan is still asking why
Mr. Bush thinks her son had to die.
Don't you think it is right
That all parents unite
And demand that he give a reply?

Anti-war voice resonates in mother's Texas vigil
By Edwin Chen and Dana Calvo (Los Angeles Times),
Seattle Times, 8/11/05

War: the ultimate reality show

So, the tightrope becomes ever tauter
That suspends your brave son or your daughter.
They believe in the cause
But their deaths should give pause:
Are we leading our lambs to the slaughter?



War hits Ohio hard
Thousands share grief, pride
Brian Albrecht, The Plain Dealer, 8/9/05