The elephant's rejoinder

Self-awareness? What mumbo(dash)jumbo!
Any true pachydermal Columbo,
Would need no reflection
To raise an objection
As to why you keep calling us Dumbo!

Elephants pass mirror test
By Washington Post writer, Rick Weiss
The Chicago Tribune, 10/31/06

Mr. Kerry's rejoinder

Even elephants found at the zoo,
Mr. Bush, knew the joke was on you.
If you'd shown self-reflection,
You'd know this election's
About you, but you haven't a clue.

[N.B. The expressed views are solely those of John Kerry and do not represent the opinions of the Limerick Savant, his minions, or this blog. The Savant, in fact, believes that the president and his cronies are fully aware of their predicament and are, as usual, using any means available to divert the public's attention from the real issues of importance in this election. The public, of course, will not be fooled because they (well most of them) are smarter than your average elephant.]

Bush Calls Kerry Remarks Insulting to U.S. Troops
Senator Says President, Not Military, Was Target of Botched Joke
By Jim VandeHei and Chris Cillizza
The Washington Post, 11/1/06

Halloween chills

How long can you bear Bush’s lies
While another American dies?
You can show at the poll
Your response to this toll:
Vote "No" on October's Surprise!

The scariest part is that it really doesn't come as much of a surprise.

DEADLY OCTOBER
By AP writer, Steven R. Hurst
San Jose Mercury News, 10/31/06

The Savant vindicated

Thanks to the folks at NPR and the Pew Research Center, the Savant may be red-tribed but he is no longer red-faced. After taking the PRC's 2005 Political Typology survey, He weighed in as "Liberal" with a capital "L." This helped to ease some of the cognitive dissonance caused by the quiz mentioned in the previous post.

Having done a little research of my own in the past, it is clear to me that the questions you ask and the way that you ask them can greatly influence the outcome. That being said, I'm more likely to lend my confidence to the Pew crew when it comes to scholarly research.

You probably don't need a survey to tell you where you stand, but it is interesting to look at the results and conclusions that they draw from the above. And if you are thinking about not voting in November because "it's a foregone conclusion," take a look at their latest survey results.

Beyond Red vs. Blue: Redefining the Political Landscape
By Robert Siegel and Andrew Kohut
All Things Considered, NPR, 5/10/05

Which tribe are you?

I guess this is as close to a meme as I'll ever get on this blog.

I caught most of the interview with the authors of Applebee's America yesterday on NPR and followed the link to the What's Your Tribe quiz. Imagine my surprise to find myself smack in the middle of the Red Tribe! I thought it possible I could end up in the Tipping Tribe but the dreaded Red Tribe!!!

I've always thought of myself as a bit of an iconoclast (how many people are obsessed with turning news and opinion into limericks?) so my only explanation is that I must be the exception that proves the rule (never did understand that expression). Either that, or the quiz is terribly flawed.

Anyway, I challenge my readers to take the quiz and report back on the results. Tell me if it fits with your self concept but don't let it change the way you vote in November. I certainly won't.


Conversations on Politics
Connecting with Gut Values in 'Applebee's America'
Morning Edition, NPR, 10/18/06

Hard to swallow

Bush claims that this study’s "not credible"
But facts aren’t so easily shed-able
Nor truth overlooked.
Since his data’s been cooked,
The bull that he’s fed us aint edible.


Counting The Iraqi Dead
By Eugene Robinson
The Washington Post, 10/13/06

No "E" for effort

Kim Jong Il has proved more than a pest
In pursuit of his nuclear quest.
Now, the world, as we know it,
Has changed. If we blow it,
It’s failure; for this is the test.

Diverted Attention, Neglect Set the Stage for Kim's Move
Up until 2001, North Korea's nuclear program was largely
under seal and monitored by the U.N. What went wrong?
By Barbara Demick, Los Angeles Times, 10/10/06

Over-friendly + under-age = big zero

Shouldn't this equation equal zero tolerance?

When a congressman tries to engage
In relations with those under-age,
Just what does it take,
For decency’s sake,
Before Hastert responds to the page?

FBI to Examine Foley's E-Mails
Hastert Calls For Independent Probe
By Charles Babington and Jonathan Weisman
The Washington Post, 10/2/06

They want to kill us

Or is it just the messenger?


The Republican campaign of terror,
Which preys on our fears, is an error.
People tend to confuse
Those who bear the bad news
With that news, thusly blaming the bearer.

This ad make the Savant wonder "Who is it, that really wants to terrorize us?"

Conservative Group Airs Pro-Bush Ad
The Guardian, 9/7/06

In that number?

Forget the political spin.
We don’t care if they lose or they win,
For tonight at the "Dome"
It is all about "home"
When the Saints will go marching back in.

New Orleans Hopes to Make Superdome a Home Again
By Lee Jenkins, The New York Times, 9/25/06

No monopoly on stupidity

First, Benedict called them "inhuman"
And Muslims, worldwide, started fumin'.
Now, al-Qaeda's reply
Seeks to prove it a lie
By slitting some throats, we're presumin'?

"Show me just what Muhammad brought that was new, and there you will find things only evil and inhuman, such as his command to spread by the sword the faith he preached."
----Pope Benedict XVI quoting Emperor Manuel II Paleologus

“We tell the worshipper of the Cross that you and the West will be defeated . . . May God enable us to slit their throats, and make their money and descendants the bounty of the mujahidin.”
----Mujahidin Shura Council

Calls for calm as militants threaten to kill the Pope
By Richard Owen, The Times Online, 9/19/06

The Idiom Savant says:

On the blackboard, please write this in chalk
Fifty times: "I won’t make idle talk
In support of a cause."
It’s just clutching at straws
Unless you are walking the walk.



Once again the Savant will be walking for his favorite cause and as a special offer to the loyal readers of his blog, he will send a signed copy of the Limerick Savant's chapbook, Four-year Funk, to anyone who donates $15 or more as a sponsor. The chapbook is a beautiful handmade collection of past limericks, and it sports a three color silk screen cover. He will make good on the offer if you walk in, or sponsor, your local NAMI Walks event too. Heck, just get out there and support a cause and he'll make good on the bargain. [N.B. donations to the RNC excepted. Offer void where prohibited by law or good taste.]

Horsefeathers!

Americans value the horse
As a symbol of beauty and force,
And seem thusly surprised
To have just realized
That for others it’s merely main course.

I was set to post this one last week but, inspired by our do nothing Congress, I decided to take some time off. Unlike them, however, I'm not getting paid for my part-time, half-assed efforts.

As, what I call, a marine vegetarian, (that neither means I'm militant nor that my motto is "Semper Fiddleheads," but just that I also eat seafood) I am opposed to the needless slaughter of sentient life; but is this really the best Congress could do given all the pressing issues before them? If they're concerned about slaughter, how about taking some action on the situation in Darfur? Does it take a Hollywood hunk to clue us in on the fact that this is "the first genocide of the 21st Century?"

Maybe this is necessary and important legislation but it seems like the worst kind of election year pandering from a Congress where the posterior end of the beast reigns supreme.

Horse Slaughtering: The New Terrorism?
Congress hasn't done much this year,
but few bills have stirred more passion than
one to protect horses from being turned into horsemeat
By Douglas Waller, Time, 9/7/06

Five years later...

Politics as usual

Unlike the president, memories of the events of September 11, 2001 left me speechless.

The Politics of the 'Not-Political' Speech
President Bush's 9/11 Anniversary Speech
Wasn't Supposed to Be Political
By Mark Halperin, ABC News, 9/12/06

More favorite things

Imagine, if you will, a bird’s-eye view of the mountains of Tora Bora in Afghanistan. The camera swoops down in a long, slow zoom, zeroing in on Mr. Bush atop one of the peaks. As the orchestra swells, we see him dancing and singing but with a quizzical look that says, "Where is all this music coming from?"

Fast forward to the Oval Office. We see the president sitting with little Katie Couric, assuring her that she will be the best anchor since Walter Cronkite if only she remains the polite, good girl and forgets about follow-up questions. Flush with embarrassment over the compliment, Katie timidly asks, "Do you wish that your administration had handled detainees and sort of the rules and - and the guidelines for the treatment of these - detainees differently?"

Bush reaches behind a brocade-trimmed curtain, pulls out a spruce-top guitar, and launches into this rendition (excuse the pun) of the Rodgers and Hammerstein favorite.

Click for the music

Black hoods on Muslims or just waterboarding
Blasting their ears with Black Sabbath recordings
Making them jump like a puppet on strings
These are a few of my favorite things

Prisoners stripped naked and in solitary
Making them shave even when they are hairy
Upping the shocks just a couple of joules
These are a few of my favorite tools

Flush Korans down
In the toilet
That’s how we stop a plot
Please don’t restrict us or then you will spoil it
And it’s really all that we’ve got.

Good cop and bad cop and sleep deprivation
Rapid-fire questions and forced isolation
CIA prisons kept hidden from view
These are some things that we still plan to do

Black hoods on Muslims or just waterboarding
Blasting their ears with Black Sabbath recordings
Making them jump like a puppet on strings
These are a few of my favorite things

Threaten dog bites
Executions
Make them stand and stand
I’ll simply remember these former solutions
And then I will feel quite grand

Bush Vows to Use All Anti-Terror Tools
President Bush Vows to Use All Tools Available
to Fight Terrorists Determined to Attack U.S.
By Jennifer Loven, ABC News, 9/7/06

Bush's favorite things

What King George really said

No more boarding in icy-cold pools
Nor zapping the family jewels?
We were winning the game;
If we don’t, now, I blame
It on having to play by the rules.

Bush: Secret CIA Prisons a 'Vital' Tool
Bush Admits CIA Runs Secret Prisons Overseas,
Says Interrogations Made Terrorists Reveal Plots
By Deb Riechmann, ABC News, 9/7/06

New Orleans greets the president

Our town may be beaten and scarred
But we will not be taken off guard.
You have broken your vow,
Mr. Bush, and so, now,
The Big Easy is taking that hard.

New Orleans storm-ready, feds say; some not so sure
The Plain Dealer, 8/28/08

War on a lie

[Now there's a scary title]

The current Iraqi morass
Raises scares that no film could surpass.
When King George gets sincere
It increases our fear
Of political snakes in the grass!

Finish What Job?
President Bush's simplistic rhetoric could be used
to justify open-ended commitment in Iraq.
The Los Angeles Times, August 22, 2006

Enough is enough!

I've had it with this motherf***n' hype
in the motherf***n' media!

Take a concept that’s purely inane,
Then hype it ‘til fans go insane;
And what should be a bomb
Will become a phenom.
Could the sequel be Sharks on a Train ?

'Snakes on a Plane' can't lose
Two stars out of four
By Michael Phillips The Chicago Tribune, 8/18/06

Byron's and Tiger's and Bear's; oh my!

Without any "what ifs" or "shoulds,"
This guy can deliver the goods.
Now that he’s on his game
His opponents seem tame.
Beware; Tiger is out of the woods!

Tiger Finds Way To Exclusive Club
By Michael Wilbon, The Washington Post, 8/21/06

Small wonder

Many hope that there will come a day
Of justice for poor JonBenet;
But who measures the cost
In innocence lost
While such children are put on display?



Suspect Held in Ramsey Slaying
Man, 41, Arrested In Thailand
By T.R. Reid and Spencer S. Hsu
The Washington Post, 8/17/06

My "L" word is Laughter

My views on the news that apply
Are to laugh long and hard, lest you cry.
This NeoCon climate
Makes clear what a crime it’s
Sans humor in Liberal supply.

Carnival of the Liberals #19: The Parody Poetry Edition
One Flew East, 8/15/06

Planetary lost and found?

Poor Pluto was fast losing ground
‘Til the IAU chose to expound
On what is a planet.
Don’t take nine for granite
With a dozen about to come round.

Round and Orbity? Must Be a Planet
By John Johnson Jr.
The Los Angeles Times, 8/16/06

Political kiss of death

Some advice for politicians

At constituents’ views, never scoff,
If you feed at the government trough
Or you might go amiss
Just like Joe and "The Kiss,"
While the voters are kissing you off.



But it worked for Madonna!

Lieberman pays a price for Iraq stance
San Jose Mercury News, 8/10/06

War is hard; peace is simple

There simply can be no excuse
For these countries to not reach a truce.
Either see eye-to-eye
Or let innocents die!
Is the answer that hard to deduce?

Sixty-one years and we still have not learned one of the key lessons of Hiroshima and Nagasaki. See Cowntown Pattie's excellent post for more on that subject.

Israeli Jets Kill 30; No Letup in Militia Attacks
Arab League Ministers Call for Cease-Fire,
But Israel Signals Expansion of Offensive
By Edward Cody and Molly Moore
The Washington Post, 8/8/06

My last post

To those of you applauding: No, I didn't mean it like that!

I reread it and started to doze;
It was wordy by half, heaven knows.
The Savant can be terse
When writing in verse
But he tends to run on and on and on, with seemingly endless explication, often including parenthetical asides, (this man could really use an editor) (and isn't it annoying when he refers to himself in the third person?!!) and taking forever to make, what is usually not all that interesting, a point, whenever he sits down and puts pen to paper (or, more appropriately, bit to chip, since the handwritten word, long ago, went the way of the dot matrix printer) to endeavor to express his thoughts, however trivial, slight or downright meaningless, in the form of prose.

Hot off the presses

'Til it's gone, we don't know what we've got,
Nor pay notice 'til something is not;
But you might be surprised
That I just realized
That, for days, it's been gawdawful hot!

This is a total fabrication, of course. Not that it's been hot but that I just noticed. In fact, I have been following the study increase (with only a couple days reprieve) of above normal temperatures in Cleveland for the past three weeks like Philip Marlowe on the trail of a murderous heiress. I just didn't think it was worth mentioning until there was a break in the case, so to speak.

So now that I spent half of last Sunday, one of the hottest so far, installing a window air conditioner in the bedroom that serves as an office; we are finally getting some relief. We have been able to survive the Cleveland summers with the help of ceiling fans for years, enduring the odd, exceptionally hot, day here and there. I finally broke down and bought a bedroom air conditioner a few years ago after a sleepless week brought on by a heat wave. And that seemed to do the trick until mid July of this year.

Now after a couple weeks of really uncomfortable weather and Rene trying to write her book and me hoping to attain a modicum of tranquility by organizing the office, we were faced with the question of how to create a workspace livable for someone other than the firemen in the Titantic's engine room. Whole house AC is out because we have steam heat and a retrofit would be far too expensive. On the other hand, a second window unit raised worries about tripping breakers in a house with wiring that Edison would have found antiquated. Never the less we opted to take the chance, figuring we could always alternate operation of the ACs since work and sleep hours don't overlap.

I found a bargain on a nice unit small enough to be easy on the amps, though it took considerable tinkering to get the right fit in our windows. By late afternoon, with sweat burning my eyes, I was able to tap the remote until a lovely glowing red 75 appeared on the digital display and cool air gushed forth from the cheap plastic grate. Within hours, the formidable "88" on the display had sunk all the way down to a tolerable "82," so baked in was the heat to walls and ceiling.

Now, 5 days later, I sit in the comfort of a still cluttered but much cooler office awaiting tomorrow's break in temperature but confident in my ability to thwart the heat demons at the touch of a button should they return. I am only troubled by the worry that now that I am able to go from "temperature controlled" house to car to work to car to house to car, etcetera, etcetera; my brief encounters with the typical Cleveland summer environment will become more intolerable and I shall hardly ever want to breathe what passes for fresh air here again. Well, at least I may finally organize the office.

Weather Cooling, But More Rain on Way
WCPN, 8/3/06

Remembering the cost

It’s a year, and one tear can revive
All the grief for a parent deprived
Of the life of a son.
That war’s never done
For survivors of 3/25.

In Ohio, Marines' Deaths Still Felt
Joe Milicia, The Wahington Post, 8/3/06

My name is Mel and I’m an __________

a. Actor
b. Alcoholic
c. Angry a*hole
d. Anti-Semite
e. All of the above

In ever cynical Hollywood, the response to Mr. Gibson’s latest embarrassment was something less than outrage. One imagines the memo from his agent:

Stop drinking! I’m telling you, Mel.
You know we have movies to sell.
When acting the critic,
Who’s anti-Semitic,
Your Passion has not served you well.

Gibson Arrest Probe Centers on Why Information Was Withheld
Civilian watchdog is investigating whether the actor got special treatment.
After the star was booked, a deputy drove him to his car.
By Richard Winton, Andrew Blankstein and Megan Garvey,
The Los Angeles Times, 8/2/06

Vote 'til you drop?

So, WalMart has recently backed
Rights of voters, but showed little tact,
In supply and demand,
When they asked to expand
Them by adding a Shopping Rights Act^*.

^*We understand this proposed legislation purports to increase voter access and turnout by mandating that all polling locations be moved to the nearest WalMart. Plus an additional 15% off at the register for those voting a straight Republican ticket!

Voting Rights Finds Friends in Big Business
NPR Morning Edition, 7/27/06

Survival of the twit-test

Geneticists found a solution
For uncovering new evolution.
By measuring genes,
They now have the means
To map an event's contribution.

And armed with this means of detection
They've identified recent selection;
But it still can't reveal
The errant allele
That resulted in Bush's election!

Thanks to George at Brewed Fresh Daily for allerting me to the story. It's worth a read if only for the wonderful evolutionary morph of Stephen Jay Gould.

And the Evolutionary Beat Goes On . . .
By Shankar Vedantam, The Washington Post, 7/24/06

The 3 Rs - Readin', wRitin' & Robbery?

The myst'_y of "whe_e a_e the _s?"
Is hist'_y, the _ogues behind ba_s.
The culp_its we_e caught
But the _uckus they w_ought's
Like a bliste_ that's su_e to bea_ sca_s.

Letter Rs Stolen From Ind. Signs Returned
The Washington Post, 7/22/06

The medium is the massage

How could the Savant resist jumping on the bandwagon



Bush’s German back rub magnified on YouTube
MSNBC, 7/21/06

Lights out in Cleveland

The news is just making me sick
That the Tribe, for a minor league pick,
Extinguished the light.
Might as well say, "goodnight,"
Since Shapiro has snuffed out the Wick.

Wickman era comes to a close
Veteran dealt to Braves; Carmona takes over role
Paul Hoynes, The Plain Dealer, 7/21/06

Ayatollah you "no!"

"The veto is not based on constitutional or legal objections. He is vetoing it because he says he believes it is immoral. Mr. President, you are not our moral ayatollah, maybe the president, nothing more."
-----Tom Harkin (D) Senator from Iowa

Bush vetoed this bill with a grin
That masked his war-mongering twin.
Invoking morality
Just shows, in reality,
What a hypocrite Dubbaya's been.

In First Veto, Bush Blocks Stem Cell Bill
By David Stout, The New York Times, 7/19/06