What the Dickens?

Good will wishes seem filled with deception
When we choose who's in line for reception.
Let’s remove all the guessing
By invoking Gods’ blessing
On the world as a whole, no exception!

"God bless us, everyone." - Tiny Tim

Whom would Jesus exclude?
By Connie Schultz, The Plain Dealer, 12/18/07

A swing...and a miss

The Mitchell Report has me stumped.
You’d think that the sport has been thumped
But it mainly avoids
Facing Baseball v. ‘Roids.
It appears that its import’s been pumped.

Mitchell Report: Some titillation but mostly a whiff
By Art Thiel, Seattle Post Intelligencer, 12/14/07

Faulty intelligence?

His plan in Iran has a crimp
And his war in Iraq, he can't pimp.
Has Science now shown
What we always have known?
Can Bush be replaced by a chimp?




Chimps Exhibit Superior Memory, Outshining Humans
By Henry Fountain, The New York Times, 12/4/07

But there's a new Sharif in town!

To his troops, he has bid "au revoir,"
But Musharraf believes he's the star.
So, Benazir Bhutto;
Like planetoid, Pluto;
Still orbits Pervez from afar.

Musharraf says farewell to army
By Matthew Weaver, The Guardian, 11/27/07

What in blazes!

Firefighters have done all they could
But smoke rises where homes lately stood.
Santa Ana's to blame
For fanning the flame
She's an ill wind that's blowing no good.

My apologies to the few but loyal fans who have noted my absence. Seems I have been preoccupied putting out some personal fires recently.

California Fires Force 500,000 From Homes
By Randal C. Archibold
The New York Times, 10/23/07

What happens in Vegas

A message from
The Las Vegas Convention and Visitors Authority

We, in Vegas, won’t tattle the tale;
But good judgment should, surely, prevail.
We think that the Juice
Has played fast and loose.
Who steals here, will stay here – in jail!

O.J. on Las Vegas hotel incident: 'I've done nothing wrong'
By Scott Glover, The Los Angeles Times, 9/16/07

Won't get fooled again!

Presidential address preview

As his surge simply slows to a crawl,
Mr. Bush has learned nothing at all.
With his words rearranged,
His solution's unchanged:
He just says "military," with drawl!

Limited Pullout Is Middle Way on Iraq, Bush Will Say
By Sheryl Gay Stolberg and Steven Lee Myers
The New York Times, 9/13/07

If I Ignored It...

would it go away?

Though the Goldmans deserve every credit
If they publish his book (with their edit,)
If I Did It 's a joke
Like no fire where there's smoke.
Would I learn something new, if I read it?

Victims’ families feud over O.J.’s ‘If I Did It’ book
Denise Brown accuses Goldmans of “commercializing blood money”
By Mike Celizic, NBC, The TODAY Show, 8/15/07

A Clockwork Orange Pekoe

In London, they've silenced Big Ben
To allow for the maintenance men,
Who'll still take their tea
At a quarter passed three,
If they only can figure out when!


Big Ben silenced for maintenance
The Guardian, 8/11/07

We'll go no more a-Rove-ing

Leaving unfinished business, Karl Rove,
No matter how hard that he strove,
Was able to forge
A throne for "King George,"
But not deify him, by Jove!

Karl Rove, Adviser to President Bush, to Resign
By Peter Baker and Debbi Wilgoren
The Washington Post, 8/13/07

Record* catch!

Seems Barry is joining the ranks
Of the greats with achievements like Hank's.
If using the 'roids
Automatically voids
His record, this guy still says, "Thanks!"



Record baseball may be worth $1m
BBC News, 8/8/07

Dora the Destroyer?

Fisher-Price could be losing its shirt
Over marketing toys that can hurt.
Now, Transformers I get
As a possible threat,
But "the terror of Ernie and Bert?"

At Toy Stores, Recall Casts Doubt on Trusted Friends
By Donna St. George and Delphine Schrank
The Washington Post, 8/3/07

When Big Bird has lost his Street cred
What else is there left to be said?
Has Mattel, in its greed,
Just forgotten the need
To ensure that they haven't missed lead?

Lead Paint Prompts Mattel to Recall 967,000 Toys
By Louise Story, The New York Times, 8/2/07

A feline for those in need

Not intending to be, at all, witty,
I suggest that it's really a pity
That we can't get Osama
To finish the drama
And curl up tonight with this kitty!

Reports of an Italian director's ten minute You Tube of Oscar, just staring; or accounts of the cat's recent chess match with a Swedish auteur appear to be greatly exaggerated.

Does Feline Have a Feeling That Death Is Near?
NPR Morning Edition, 7/26/07

Food for thought?

So you eat 'til your stomach distends?
Who's at fault? Well, I guess that depends.
There's no need that you cease
Just because you're obese.
Place the blame on your overweight friends!

Obesity Spreads In Social Circles As Trends Do, Study Indicates
By Rob Stein, The Washington Post, 7/26/07

Harry Potter and the Tempest in a Teapot

World conflict may teeter and totter
But no topic today will be hotter
Than the fate of young Harry.
Aren't you just a bit wary
That you're clay being molded by 'Potter?'

Kids' Grief Counselors Wait By Phones
in Case Harry Potter Dies
By Mark Herlihy, Bloomberg, 7/20/07

Harry Potter wants to be free? Huh?
Sharing knowledge is one thing,
stealing information is another
By David Lazarus, The San Francisco Chronicle, 7/20/07

Spoiler Frenzy Follows Early Mailing of 'Hallows'
By Monica Hesse, The Washington Post, 7/19/07

An Epic Showdown as Harry Potter Is Initiated Into Adulthood
HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS Book Review
By Michiko Kakutani, The New York Times, 7/19/07
[Warning: this could be a spoiler]

Whole Foods CEO selling spam?

It remains to be seen, Savant notes,
The effect that it had on stock quotes;
But it's certainly tacky,
The way that John Mackey
Has chosen to so-so Wild Oats.

Their new logo?


read more digg story
Whole Foods CEO belittled rival anonymously before bid
The Los Angeles Times, 7/12/07

Uncle Al (Zawahri) wants you

Now hiring a sober self-starter.
There is no opportunity smarter
Than a job with al-Qaida.
You won’t be well-paid-a,
But can end your career as a martyr!

[Recycle Alert: the above is a reworked version of a limerick posted on the Savant's original website. Plus ca change, la meme chose]

al-Qaida Calls for War Against Pakistan
The Guardian, 7/11/07

Rhyme of the patient Mariner

Seattle seemed seated in clover
When the curve-ball was tossed them by Grover.
It's hard to believe
He would just up and leave.
"When it's over," said Grover, "it's over."

Hargrove still peepless in Seattle
on any other reason for his resignation

Hargrove's integrity shines on
As both player and skipper, dedication mattered most

Hargrove Stuns Mariners, Resigning Amid Success
The New York Times, 7/2/07

Land of Libberty?

Even sans Bush's chosen commute,
We were still on a treacherous route.
Our country's been mugged
By political thugs
And the thieves have escaped with the loot!

WASHINGTON - President Bush spared former White House aide I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby from a 2 1/2-year prison term on Monday, issuing an order that commutes his sentence

read more | digg story

Soft on Crime
Editorial, The New York Times, 7/3/07

Baracking the record!

The 1 Obama; lots to offer.
Those 4 Obama filled the coffer.
Before we're finished with this drama,
Who thinks we'll see an 8 $_OO,OOO,OOObama?

[Apologies, again, to Ogden Nash]

Obama Breaks All Records - Raises $32,500,000 in 3 Months

read more | digg story

Trademark infringement?

San Antonio challenged our fitness,
In Cleveland, to Rise-up^® and Witness^® ;
But expecting LeBron
To take it all on
Is a failure to Take Care of Bitness^®!

Cavs bow out but expectations rise up
By Bud Shaw, The Plain Dealer, 6/15/07

Paradise lost; regained; lost?

That Paris returned to her Hilton
May not merit an epic by Milton,
But limericks are easy;
And justice, this cheesy,
Rates a stink even worse than a Stilton!

It's sprung time for Hilton
After her early exit from jail,
an angry judge calls her back to court today.
By Megan Garvey and Andrew Blankstein
The Los Angeles Times, 6/8/07

Pride goeth before the G-8

Does Bush even reckon how dumb it
Is to bluster while he's at the Summit?
Does he think they'll applaud
His image abroad,
Or his ratings at home still can't plummet?

Rifts on Russia and Climate Seen at Summit
By Mark Landler and Sheryl Gay Stolberg
The New York Times, 6/6/07

I read the news today; oh boy!

I remember the times seemed so rife
With famine, with war, and with strife.
Then that mind-blowing day
Pepper taught us to play…
Yet, today, it's a day in the life.

'Sgt. Pepper': It Was 40 Years Ago Today
Time, 6/1/07

A Tony departure

The Britons have had their full share
Of Iraq and Prime Minister Blair,
So he soon will step down.
But we're left with our clown
And for respite we haven't a prayer!



House Approves Revised War Bill
Two-Part Funding Faces Veto Threat
By Jonathan Weisman, The Washington Post, 5/11/07

Britain's Blair to Step Down June 27
By Danica Kirka (AP), The Guardian, 5/11/07

The usual suspect

The Hiltons aren't likely to dare us
To choose who of them could embarrass
The family name.
Might be many to blame,
But they know we will always have Paris.

Seven key dates in Hilton history
The author of 'House of Hilton' gives us his picks
By Deborah Netburn, The Los Angeles Times, 5/9/07

Mayday! Mayday!

2003 vs 2007

This bill was a head-on collision
Meant to challenge George Bush's decision
To keep us at war.
Congress evened the score,
But have they accomplished their mission?

Bush Vetoes Iraq War Bill on Day of Political Theater
By Brian Naylor, NPR All Things Considered, 5/1/07

Self-inflicted wounds

New rules of engagement apply
Now that Congress is questioning why,
When Bush went to war,
Without bullets or gore,
That Truth was the first one to die.

Panel Hears About Falsehoods in 2 Wartime Incidents
By Michael Luo, The New York Times, 4/25/07

We mourn once more

The question on campus depends less
On what left the students defenseless
Than on answering why
We now mourn VPI
And must try to make sense of the senseless.

33 dead in Virginia Tech shootings
In the deadliest mass shooting in U.S. history,
30 are slain in classrooms before gunman kills himself.
Angry students ask why the campus wasn't closed
after two earlier killings in a dorm.
By David Zucchino, Maura Reynolds and Stephen Braun
The Los Angeles Times, 4/17/07

So it goes

Kurt Vonnegut’s writing defined
A phase that expanded my mind.
Thus, I owe him a debt
And, so, cannot forget
That "God damn it, you’ve got to be kind."

"Hello, babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. At the outside, babies, you've got about a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies — 'God damn it, you’ve got to be kind.'"
-------Mr. Rosewater in Vonnegut's
God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater, or Pearls Before Swine

Kurt Vonnegut, Novelist Who Caught the
Imagination of His Age, Is Dead at 84
By Dinitia Smith, The New York Times, 4/12/07

WWJD?

What would Jesse (or Mel, or Al, or Michael) do?

Mister Imus is sure on his own,
But it seems Rev'rend Jackson's been prone
To use racist speech.
Yet, shouldn't he teach:
"Let he, without slurs, cast the stone?"

Misogyny in the Morning
By Eugene Robinson, The Washington Post, 4/10/07

Knut ist ein Berliner

A polar bear cub, kname of Knut,
Has caused quite a heated dispute:
Is he better off dead?
Raised by humans, instead?
Would this matter if Knut weren't so kcute?


Rejected by his mother, Knut is forced to clean dishes
at the Berlin Zoo to earn his keep. Animal rights activists
say he would have died of dishpan paws in the wild.

*For those curious about the title: a short history lesson courtesy of Wikipedia

Rejected at birth, Knut becomes Berlin zoo's bear essential
By Kate Connolly, The Guardian, 3/24/07

The initial response from the White House

"Yes, A.G. can hang on as A.G.,"
Says his buddy G.W.B.,
"Though he gave the O.K.s
To fire those D.A.s,
In D.C., that is just S.O.P."

Ex-Aide Rejects Gonzales Stand Over Dismissals
By David Johnston and Eric Lipton
The New York Times, 3/30/07

Chasing out the snakes

The PD, it would seem, is competin'
In a field this Savant is elite in.
From Erie to Éire,
His limericks are rarer
Than gold and his meter's unbeaten.

INSIDE St. Patrick's Day
The Plain Dealer, 3/17/07

Elder Vision

If one’s age is in eye of beholder
I’m assuaged and won’t cry on your shoulder.
To look in the mirror,
It’s clearer and clearer,
It’s the fellow in there getting older.

Happy Birthday to the Savant's alter-ego