Ad nauseum

An invasive political hack
Is infecting your PC and Mac.
The malevolent geek
Gives the coding a tweak
And it’s Hillary vs. Barack!

Though an avid Mac fan and a user for years, the Savant finds this latest comparison to be an insult that both trivializes and fails to illuminate the value of both candidates. And it doesn’t do much for the Clinton or Obama campaigns either. A more apt comparison might be:

McCain: The candidate of the future, straight from the past

[NB: For those to young to remember the PET 2001. We assume you get the reference to Bush's pet and the year 2001.]

Is Obama a Mac and Clinton a PC?
By Noam Cohen, The New York Times, 2/4/08

4K? Not OK!

It’s exactly five years, 1st of May,
I recall hearing Dubbaya say
That our mission was done
With the war shortly won.
Now we’re mourning the loss of 4K.

So it isn’t the billions we pay,
Lack of victory, or the delay;
But the breach of our trust.
When a war is unjust
Even one death is never OK.

U.S. toll in Iraq reaches 4,000
By Alexandra Zavis, Los Angeles Times, 3/24/08

Caveat exemptor

When you run with the bulls, no one cares
'Til the bottom falls out of your shares
And the lesson one learns,
In the case of Bear Stearns,
Is you're victim to very stern bears!

Bear Stearns' Fall Ripple Effect Felt
by Adam Davidson, NPR News, 3/20/08

Slipping on the "Second Banana Appeal"

Hil, you can't be surprised at the fuss
Over choosing this time to discuss
Obama as Veep.
It's like saying you'll keep
His seat at the back of the bus!

In Memorium

Eileen G. Culler
January 3, 1919 - February 27, 2008

You're never 2 Down, we're assured;
4 Across 80 years you've endured
With a clear optimism
That defies cynicism
And truly transcends the cross word.

The above limerick was written in honor of Eileen's 80th birthday. She was no celebrity, but just a remarkably kind and loving woman who inspired the Savant's love of words and worplay.

Who needs a presidency?

You have watched as her empire has grown.
Now, a network that's hers all alone?
For serious bettors,
You know the call letters
Mean there's nothing that O. won't soon...

Oprah Winfrey and Discovery to Create New Cable Network
By Edward Wyatt, The New York Times, 1/16/08

It's my party and I'll cry if I want to

Are you staging a comeback, like Bill,
Showing more than political skill?
Being human, it seems,
Is the greatest of schemes
For raising your capital, Hil.

Clinton's Historic Surprise
Political prediction markets,
polls and pundits may never have got it so wrong
By Justin Wolfers, The Wall Street Journal, 1/9/08

Blackeyes for Buckeyes

Jim Tressel might say of the Bucks,
"They were honored to play here." Aw Shucks!
But you don't get to choose
You must earn it, or lose,
And losing again really sucks!

Jim Tressel might need to change his ways for Ohio State to get back on top
by Bill Livingston, The Plain Dealer, 1/8/08

A word to the wise

I guess it's a sign of our time
When the linguists are partners in crime
With Chief Monger of Fear.
Yes, their "Word of the Year,"
Just like President Bush, is subprime.

'Subprime' Is Linguists' Word of Year
By Sophia Tareen, Associated Press, 1/5/08

Cold realities

Mr. Bush has a plan, that is bold,
To halt global warming, we're told.
The Kyoto accord
Is completely ignored
To insure that the plan leaves us cold!

[NB: This is a reworking of a post published about 5 years ago which, because of the U.S.'s singular stance on greenhouse gasses among developed nations, remains relevant today. How appropriate that I recycled it. BTW, meant to post it in December.]

Waiting for America
The Guardian, 12/15/07

First things first

I don't think that you ever will talk us
Into faith in an Iowa caucus;
For, as months come to pass,
He who's first may be lass
In a process, primarily raucous.

More importantly-
Happy Birthday, Mom!
You've got our vote

Does Iowa Matter?
By Kathy Frankovic, CBS News, 1/2/08

So it ends and begins

Those who seek to be leaders of state
Often meet with a violent fate.
Now, as proof of that fear,
The beloved Benazir
Fell victim to militant hate.

Two Benazir Bhuttos
By Anne Applebaum, The Washington Post, 1/1/2008

What the Dickens?

Good will wishes seem filled with deception
When we choose who's in line for reception.
Let’s remove all the guessing
By invoking Gods’ blessing
On the world as a whole, no exception!

"God bless us, everyone." - Tiny Tim

Whom would Jesus exclude?
By Connie Schultz, The Plain Dealer, 12/18/07

A swing...and a miss

The Mitchell Report has me stumped.
You’d think that the sport has been thumped
But it mainly avoids
Facing Baseball v. ‘Roids.
It appears that its import’s been pumped.

Mitchell Report: Some titillation but mostly a whiff
By Art Thiel, Seattle Post Intelligencer, 12/14/07

Faulty intelligence?

His plan in Iran has a crimp
And his war in Iraq, he can't pimp.
Has Science now shown
What we always have known?
Can Bush be replaced by a chimp?




Chimps Exhibit Superior Memory, Outshining Humans
By Henry Fountain, The New York Times, 12/4/07

But there's a new Sharif in town!

To his troops, he has bid "au revoir,"
But Musharraf believes he's the star.
So, Benazir Bhutto;
Like planetoid, Pluto;
Still orbits Pervez from afar.

Musharraf says farewell to army
By Matthew Weaver, The Guardian, 11/27/07

What in blazes!

Firefighters have done all they could
But smoke rises where homes lately stood.
Santa Ana's to blame
For fanning the flame
She's an ill wind that's blowing no good.

My apologies to the few but loyal fans who have noted my absence. Seems I have been preoccupied putting out some personal fires recently.

California Fires Force 500,000 From Homes
By Randal C. Archibold
The New York Times, 10/23/07

What happens in Vegas

A message from
The Las Vegas Convention and Visitors Authority

We, in Vegas, won’t tattle the tale;
But good judgment should, surely, prevail.
We think that the Juice
Has played fast and loose.
Who steals here, will stay here – in jail!

O.J. on Las Vegas hotel incident: 'I've done nothing wrong'
By Scott Glover, The Los Angeles Times, 9/16/07

Won't get fooled again!

Presidential address preview

As his surge simply slows to a crawl,
Mr. Bush has learned nothing at all.
With his words rearranged,
His solution's unchanged:
He just says "military," with drawl!

Limited Pullout Is Middle Way on Iraq, Bush Will Say
By Sheryl Gay Stolberg and Steven Lee Myers
The New York Times, 9/13/07

If I Ignored It...

would it go away?

Though the Goldmans deserve every credit
If they publish his book (with their edit,)
If I Did It 's a joke
Like no fire where there's smoke.
Would I learn something new, if I read it?

Victims’ families feud over O.J.’s ‘If I Did It’ book
Denise Brown accuses Goldmans of “commercializing blood money”
By Mike Celizic, NBC, The TODAY Show, 8/15/07

A Clockwork Orange Pekoe

In London, they've silenced Big Ben
To allow for the maintenance men,
Who'll still take their tea
At a quarter passed three,
If they only can figure out when!


Big Ben silenced for maintenance
The Guardian, 8/11/07

We'll go no more a-Rove-ing

Leaving unfinished business, Karl Rove,
No matter how hard that he strove,
Was able to forge
A throne for "King George,"
But not deify him, by Jove!

Karl Rove, Adviser to President Bush, to Resign
By Peter Baker and Debbi Wilgoren
The Washington Post, 8/13/07

Record* catch!

Seems Barry is joining the ranks
Of the greats with achievements like Hank's.
If using the 'roids
Automatically voids
His record, this guy still says, "Thanks!"



Record baseball may be worth $1m
BBC News, 8/8/07

Dora the Destroyer?

Fisher-Price could be losing its shirt
Over marketing toys that can hurt.
Now, Transformers I get
As a possible threat,
But "the terror of Ernie and Bert?"

At Toy Stores, Recall Casts Doubt on Trusted Friends
By Donna St. George and Delphine Schrank
The Washington Post, 8/3/07

When Big Bird has lost his Street cred
What else is there left to be said?
Has Mattel, in its greed,
Just forgotten the need
To ensure that they haven't missed lead?

Lead Paint Prompts Mattel to Recall 967,000 Toys
By Louise Story, The New York Times, 8/2/07

A feline for those in need

Not intending to be, at all, witty,
I suggest that it's really a pity
That we can't get Osama
To finish the drama
And curl up tonight with this kitty!

Reports of an Italian director's ten minute You Tube of Oscar, just staring; or accounts of the cat's recent chess match with a Swedish auteur appear to be greatly exaggerated.

Does Feline Have a Feeling That Death Is Near?
NPR Morning Edition, 7/26/07

Food for thought?

So you eat 'til your stomach distends?
Who's at fault? Well, I guess that depends.
There's no need that you cease
Just because you're obese.
Place the blame on your overweight friends!

Obesity Spreads In Social Circles As Trends Do, Study Indicates
By Rob Stein, The Washington Post, 7/26/07

Harry Potter and the Tempest in a Teapot

World conflict may teeter and totter
But no topic today will be hotter
Than the fate of young Harry.
Aren't you just a bit wary
That you're clay being molded by 'Potter?'

Kids' Grief Counselors Wait By Phones
in Case Harry Potter Dies
By Mark Herlihy, Bloomberg, 7/20/07

Harry Potter wants to be free? Huh?
Sharing knowledge is one thing,
stealing information is another
By David Lazarus, The San Francisco Chronicle, 7/20/07

Spoiler Frenzy Follows Early Mailing of 'Hallows'
By Monica Hesse, The Washington Post, 7/19/07

An Epic Showdown as Harry Potter Is Initiated Into Adulthood
HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS Book Review
By Michiko Kakutani, The New York Times, 7/19/07
[Warning: this could be a spoiler]

Whole Foods CEO selling spam?

It remains to be seen, Savant notes,
The effect that it had on stock quotes;
But it's certainly tacky,
The way that John Mackey
Has chosen to so-so Wild Oats.

Their new logo?


read more digg story
Whole Foods CEO belittled rival anonymously before bid
The Los Angeles Times, 7/12/07

Uncle Al (Zawahri) wants you

Now hiring a sober self-starter.
There is no opportunity smarter
Than a job with al-Qaida.
You won’t be well-paid-a,
But can end your career as a martyr!

[Recycle Alert: the above is a reworked version of a limerick posted on the Savant's original website. Plus ca change, la meme chose]

al-Qaida Calls for War Against Pakistan
The Guardian, 7/11/07

Rhyme of the patient Mariner

Seattle seemed seated in clover
When the curve-ball was tossed them by Grover.
It's hard to believe
He would just up and leave.
"When it's over," said Grover, "it's over."

Hargrove still peepless in Seattle
on any other reason for his resignation

Hargrove's integrity shines on
As both player and skipper, dedication mattered most

Hargrove Stuns Mariners, Resigning Amid Success
The New York Times, 7/2/07

Land of Libberty?

Even sans Bush's chosen commute,
We were still on a treacherous route.
Our country's been mugged
By political thugs
And the thieves have escaped with the loot!

WASHINGTON - President Bush spared former White House aide I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby from a 2 1/2-year prison term on Monday, issuing an order that commutes his sentence

read more | digg story

Soft on Crime
Editorial, The New York Times, 7/3/07

Baracking the record!

The 1 Obama; lots to offer.
Those 4 Obama filled the coffer.
Before we're finished with this drama,
Who thinks we'll see an 8 $_OO,OOO,OOObama?

[Apologies, again, to Ogden Nash]

Obama Breaks All Records - Raises $32,500,000 in 3 Months

read more | digg story

Trademark infringement?

San Antonio challenged our fitness,
In Cleveland, to Rise-up^® and Witness^® ;
But expecting LeBron
To take it all on
Is a failure to Take Care of Bitness^®!

Cavs bow out but expectations rise up
By Bud Shaw, The Plain Dealer, 6/15/07

Paradise lost; regained; lost?

That Paris returned to her Hilton
May not merit an epic by Milton,
But limericks are easy;
And justice, this cheesy,
Rates a stink even worse than a Stilton!

It's sprung time for Hilton
After her early exit from jail,
an angry judge calls her back to court today.
By Megan Garvey and Andrew Blankstein
The Los Angeles Times, 6/8/07

Pride goeth before the G-8

Does Bush even reckon how dumb it
Is to bluster while he's at the Summit?
Does he think they'll applaud
His image abroad,
Or his ratings at home still can't plummet?

Rifts on Russia and Climate Seen at Summit
By Mark Landler and Sheryl Gay Stolberg
The New York Times, 6/6/07