What the Dickens?

Good will wishes seem filled with deception
When we choose who's in line for reception.
Let’s remove all the guessing
By invoking Gods’ blessing
On the world as a whole, no exception!

"God bless us, everyone." - Tiny Tim

Whom would Jesus exclude?
By Connie Schultz, The Plain Dealer, 12/18/07

A swing...and a miss

The Mitchell Report has me stumped.
You’d think that the sport has been thumped
But it mainly avoids
Facing Baseball v. ‘Roids.
It appears that its import’s been pumped.

Mitchell Report: Some titillation but mostly a whiff
By Art Thiel, Seattle Post Intelligencer, 12/14/07

Faulty intelligence?

His plan in Iran has a crimp
And his war in Iraq, he can't pimp.
Has Science now shown
What we always have known?
Can Bush be replaced by a chimp?




Chimps Exhibit Superior Memory, Outshining Humans
By Henry Fountain, The New York Times, 12/4/07

But there's a new Sharif in town!

To his troops, he has bid "au revoir,"
But Musharraf believes he's the star.
So, Benazir Bhutto;
Like planetoid, Pluto;
Still orbits Pervez from afar.

Musharraf says farewell to army
By Matthew Weaver, The Guardian, 11/27/07

What in blazes!

Firefighters have done all they could
But smoke rises where homes lately stood.
Santa Ana's to blame
For fanning the flame
She's an ill wind that's blowing no good.

My apologies to the few but loyal fans who have noted my absence. Seems I have been preoccupied putting out some personal fires recently.

California Fires Force 500,000 From Homes
By Randal C. Archibold
The New York Times, 10/23/07

What happens in Vegas

A message from
The Las Vegas Convention and Visitors Authority

We, in Vegas, won’t tattle the tale;
But good judgment should, surely, prevail.
We think that the Juice
Has played fast and loose.
Who steals here, will stay here – in jail!

O.J. on Las Vegas hotel incident: 'I've done nothing wrong'
By Scott Glover, The Los Angeles Times, 9/16/07

Won't get fooled again!

Presidential address preview

As his surge simply slows to a crawl,
Mr. Bush has learned nothing at all.
With his words rearranged,
His solution's unchanged:
He just says "military," with drawl!

Limited Pullout Is Middle Way on Iraq, Bush Will Say
By Sheryl Gay Stolberg and Steven Lee Myers
The New York Times, 9/13/07

If I Ignored It...

would it go away?

Though the Goldmans deserve every credit
If they publish his book (with their edit,)
If I Did It 's a joke
Like no fire where there's smoke.
Would I learn something new, if I read it?

Victims’ families feud over O.J.’s ‘If I Did It’ book
Denise Brown accuses Goldmans of “commercializing blood money”
By Mike Celizic, NBC, The TODAY Show, 8/15/07

A Clockwork Orange Pekoe

In London, they've silenced Big Ben
To allow for the maintenance men,
Who'll still take their tea
At a quarter passed three,
If they only can figure out when!


Big Ben silenced for maintenance
The Guardian, 8/11/07

We'll go no more a-Rove-ing

Leaving unfinished business, Karl Rove,
No matter how hard that he strove,
Was able to forge
A throne for "King George,"
But not deify him, by Jove!

Karl Rove, Adviser to President Bush, to Resign
By Peter Baker and Debbi Wilgoren
The Washington Post, 8/13/07

Record* catch!

Seems Barry is joining the ranks
Of the greats with achievements like Hank's.
If using the 'roids
Automatically voids
His record, this guy still says, "Thanks!"



Record baseball may be worth $1m
BBC News, 8/8/07

Dora the Destroyer?

Fisher-Price could be losing its shirt
Over marketing toys that can hurt.
Now, Transformers I get
As a possible threat,
But "the terror of Ernie and Bert?"

At Toy Stores, Recall Casts Doubt on Trusted Friends
By Donna St. George and Delphine Schrank
The Washington Post, 8/3/07

When Big Bird has lost his Street cred
What else is there left to be said?
Has Mattel, in its greed,
Just forgotten the need
To ensure that they haven't missed lead?

Lead Paint Prompts Mattel to Recall 967,000 Toys
By Louise Story, The New York Times, 8/2/07

A feline for those in need

Not intending to be, at all, witty,
I suggest that it's really a pity
That we can't get Osama
To finish the drama
And curl up tonight with this kitty!

Reports of an Italian director's ten minute You Tube of Oscar, just staring; or accounts of the cat's recent chess match with a Swedish auteur appear to be greatly exaggerated.

Does Feline Have a Feeling That Death Is Near?
NPR Morning Edition, 7/26/07

Food for thought?

So you eat 'til your stomach distends?
Who's at fault? Well, I guess that depends.
There's no need that you cease
Just because you're obese.
Place the blame on your overweight friends!

Obesity Spreads In Social Circles As Trends Do, Study Indicates
By Rob Stein, The Washington Post, 7/26/07

Harry Potter and the Tempest in a Teapot

World conflict may teeter and totter
But no topic today will be hotter
Than the fate of young Harry.
Aren't you just a bit wary
That you're clay being molded by 'Potter?'

Kids' Grief Counselors Wait By Phones
in Case Harry Potter Dies
By Mark Herlihy, Bloomberg, 7/20/07

Harry Potter wants to be free? Huh?
Sharing knowledge is one thing,
stealing information is another
By David Lazarus, The San Francisco Chronicle, 7/20/07

Spoiler Frenzy Follows Early Mailing of 'Hallows'
By Monica Hesse, The Washington Post, 7/19/07

An Epic Showdown as Harry Potter Is Initiated Into Adulthood
HARRY POTTER AND THE DEATHLY HALLOWS Book Review
By Michiko Kakutani, The New York Times, 7/19/07
[Warning: this could be a spoiler]

Whole Foods CEO selling spam?

It remains to be seen, Savant notes,
The effect that it had on stock quotes;
But it's certainly tacky,
The way that John Mackey
Has chosen to so-so Wild Oats.

Their new logo?


read more digg story
Whole Foods CEO belittled rival anonymously before bid
The Los Angeles Times, 7/12/07

Uncle Al (Zawahri) wants you

Now hiring a sober self-starter.
There is no opportunity smarter
Than a job with al-Qaida.
You won’t be well-paid-a,
But can end your career as a martyr!

[Recycle Alert: the above is a reworked version of a limerick posted on the Savant's original website. Plus ca change, la meme chose]

al-Qaida Calls for War Against Pakistan
The Guardian, 7/11/07

Rhyme of the patient Mariner

Seattle seemed seated in clover
When the curve-ball was tossed them by Grover.
It's hard to believe
He would just up and leave.
"When it's over," said Grover, "it's over."

Hargrove still peepless in Seattle
on any other reason for his resignation

Hargrove's integrity shines on
As both player and skipper, dedication mattered most

Hargrove Stuns Mariners, Resigning Amid Success
The New York Times, 7/2/07

Land of Libberty?

Even sans Bush's chosen commute,
We were still on a treacherous route.
Our country's been mugged
By political thugs
And the thieves have escaped with the loot!

WASHINGTON - President Bush spared former White House aide I. Lewis "Scooter" Libby from a 2 1/2-year prison term on Monday, issuing an order that commutes his sentence

read more | digg story

Soft on Crime
Editorial, The New York Times, 7/3/07

Baracking the record!

The 1 Obama; lots to offer.
Those 4 Obama filled the coffer.
Before we're finished with this drama,
Who thinks we'll see an 8 $_OO,OOO,OOObama?

[Apologies, again, to Ogden Nash]

Obama Breaks All Records - Raises $32,500,000 in 3 Months

read more | digg story

Trademark infringement?

San Antonio challenged our fitness,
In Cleveland, to Rise-up^® and Witness^® ;
But expecting LeBron
To take it all on
Is a failure to Take Care of Bitness^®!

Cavs bow out but expectations rise up
By Bud Shaw, The Plain Dealer, 6/15/07

Paradise lost; regained; lost?

That Paris returned to her Hilton
May not merit an epic by Milton,
But limericks are easy;
And justice, this cheesy,
Rates a stink even worse than a Stilton!

It's sprung time for Hilton
After her early exit from jail,
an angry judge calls her back to court today.
By Megan Garvey and Andrew Blankstein
The Los Angeles Times, 6/8/07

Pride goeth before the G-8

Does Bush even reckon how dumb it
Is to bluster while he's at the Summit?
Does he think they'll applaud
His image abroad,
Or his ratings at home still can't plummet?

Rifts on Russia and Climate Seen at Summit
By Mark Landler and Sheryl Gay Stolberg
The New York Times, 6/6/07

I read the news today; oh boy!

I remember the times seemed so rife
With famine, with war, and with strife.
Then that mind-blowing day
Pepper taught us to play…
Yet, today, it's a day in the life.

'Sgt. Pepper': It Was 40 Years Ago Today
Time, 6/1/07

A Tony departure

The Britons have had their full share
Of Iraq and Prime Minister Blair,
So he soon will step down.
But we're left with our clown
And for respite we haven't a prayer!



House Approves Revised War Bill
Two-Part Funding Faces Veto Threat
By Jonathan Weisman, The Washington Post, 5/11/07

Britain's Blair to Step Down June 27
By Danica Kirka (AP), The Guardian, 5/11/07

The usual suspect

The Hiltons aren't likely to dare us
To choose who of them could embarrass
The family name.
Might be many to blame,
But they know we will always have Paris.

Seven key dates in Hilton history
The author of 'House of Hilton' gives us his picks
By Deborah Netburn, The Los Angeles Times, 5/9/07

Mayday! Mayday!

2003 vs 2007

This bill was a head-on collision
Meant to challenge George Bush's decision
To keep us at war.
Congress evened the score,
But have they accomplished their mission?

Bush Vetoes Iraq War Bill on Day of Political Theater
By Brian Naylor, NPR All Things Considered, 5/1/07

Self-inflicted wounds

New rules of engagement apply
Now that Congress is questioning why,
When Bush went to war,
Without bullets or gore,
That Truth was the first one to die.

Panel Hears About Falsehoods in 2 Wartime Incidents
By Michael Luo, The New York Times, 4/25/07

We mourn once more

The question on campus depends less
On what left the students defenseless
Than on answering why
We now mourn VPI
And must try to make sense of the senseless.

33 dead in Virginia Tech shootings
In the deadliest mass shooting in U.S. history,
30 are slain in classrooms before gunman kills himself.
Angry students ask why the campus wasn't closed
after two earlier killings in a dorm.
By David Zucchino, Maura Reynolds and Stephen Braun
The Los Angeles Times, 4/17/07

So it goes

Kurt Vonnegut’s writing defined
A phase that expanded my mind.
Thus, I owe him a debt
And, so, cannot forget
That "God damn it, you’ve got to be kind."

"Hello, babies. Welcome to Earth. It's hot in the summer and cold in the winter. It's round and wet and crowded. At the outside, babies, you've got about a hundred years here. There's only one rule that I know of, babies — 'God damn it, you’ve got to be kind.'"
-------Mr. Rosewater in Vonnegut's
God Bless You, Mr. Rosewater, or Pearls Before Swine

Kurt Vonnegut, Novelist Who Caught the
Imagination of His Age, Is Dead at 84
By Dinitia Smith, The New York Times, 4/12/07

WWJD?

What would Jesse (or Mel, or Al, or Michael) do?

Mister Imus is sure on his own,
But it seems Rev'rend Jackson's been prone
To use racist speech.
Yet, shouldn't he teach:
"Let he, without slurs, cast the stone?"

Misogyny in the Morning
By Eugene Robinson, The Washington Post, 4/10/07

Knut ist ein Berliner

A polar bear cub, kname of Knut,
Has caused quite a heated dispute:
Is he better off dead?
Raised by humans, instead?
Would this matter if Knut weren't so kcute?


Rejected by his mother, Knut is forced to clean dishes
at the Berlin Zoo to earn his keep. Animal rights activists
say he would have died of dishpan paws in the wild.

*For those curious about the title: a short history lesson courtesy of Wikipedia

Rejected at birth, Knut becomes Berlin zoo's bear essential
By Kate Connolly, The Guardian, 3/24/07

The initial response from the White House

"Yes, A.G. can hang on as A.G.,"
Says his buddy G.W.B.,
"Though he gave the O.K.s
To fire those D.A.s,
In D.C., that is just S.O.P."

Ex-Aide Rejects Gonzales Stand Over Dismissals
By David Johnston and Eric Lipton
The New York Times, 3/30/07

Chasing out the snakes

The PD, it would seem, is competin'
In a field this Savant is elite in.
From Erie to Éire,
His limericks are rarer
Than gold and his meter's unbeaten.

INSIDE St. Patrick's Day
The Plain Dealer, 3/17/07

Elder Vision

If one’s age is in eye of beholder
I’m assuaged and won’t cry on your shoulder.
To look in the mirror,
It’s clearer and clearer,
It’s the fellow in there getting older.

Happy Birthday to the Savant's alter-ego

Satellite stations?

X'eM off your list!

At the risk of our seeming imperious
To anyone choosing to query us
On radio taste:
Satellite is a waste.
Put your money on news that is serious.

Yes, it's that time of year again when I have to endure the frequent interruptions to my daily dose of "Morning Edition" while the local public radio staff begs for my support. Although we are lucky enough to be within tuning distance of two NPR affiliates, there is no respite since the fundraising effort appears to be ubiquitous.

Plus, this morning, as even further affront to my Monday morning commute, I was forced to begin my 45 minute drive in utter darkness thanks to the new early onset DST (Daylight Squandering Time). But somehow, amidst Dee's pleas and Dave's raves and my own grumbling, I managed to hear some insightful stories on neglected diseases in Africa and medical treatment for our returning troops. And, as if to underscore the message that I have much to be thankful for, I was met with the most spectacular sunrise while arriving at work, a coincidence not possible without the altered standard time.

So if you need a reminder of the value of unbiased, in-depth reporting that can only come from an organization free of commercial interest, then take this unsolicited endorsement to heart and support "Serious" Radio.

Playing the Plame Game

The conviction of Libby, this week,
Leaves the question of "Who sprung the leak?"
Scooter's head on a plate,
While the rest of them skate,
Isn't justice and raises our pique!


Scooter takes one for the Shooter

Libby Guilty of Lying in C.I.A. Leak Case
By Neil A. Lewis, The New York Times, 3/7/07

The Maines event

Down in Dixie, they’ve taken their licks
But they broadened their base in ’06.
Now the band’s been redeemed
This week, so it seemed,
When the Grammy’s made nice with the Chicks.

Grammy Sweep by Dixie Chicks Is Seen as a Vindication
By Jeff Leeds, The New York Time, 2/13/07

Three (?) men and a baby

Poor Anna Nicole was reviled
As grand dame of the girls who've gone wild.
Now, her fortune at stake,
The Savant has to make
An admission: "I fathered her child!"

‘Fathers’ battle for Anna’s little girl
Tony Allen-Mills, The sunday Times, 2/11/07

Houston; we have a problem

What rational person would mace
Her rival for love in the face
Or attempt a kidnap
That’s so far off the map
You might say it was way out in space?

Astronaut Charged With Attempted Murder
By Maria Newman and Christine Hauser
The New York Times, 2/6/07

Maybe it's the accent

Every time that he comes to the dais
Mr. Bush uses words that dismay us.
I keep hearing his voice
Say his leadership choice
In Iraq is a man named "Betrayus!"

(with thanks to Michael Feldman for the inspiration Oh, let's be honest; I stole his joke.)

The Bush plan and the Petraeus doctrine
By Paul Reynolds, BBC News, 1/11/07

On notice

Since Colbert had them coughing up spittle
We’ve been wondering whose biting wit’ll
Be chosen this year
And, just as we fear,
The Press Corps will settle for Little.


White House press corps to play it safe at bash
-- with Rich Little
Joe Garofoli, The San Francisco Chronicle, 1/17/07

'Round midnight

This timepiece is used to display
Where the nuclear threat stands today.
Please note its advance
Indicates there's a chance
Armageddon's five minutes away!

Doomsday Clock edges toward midnight
Scientists add global warming to nuclear fears
The Boston Globe, 1/18/07

Found: the three-l lllama

A message from Royal Nepal Airlines:

Yes, it's true that our planes never flew
Where the llamas do "L" number two.
Now our ad on the wall
Asks "Have you seen Nepal?
We have lost it somewhere in Peru!"

[Apologies to Ogden Nash]

Have you seen Nepal? Not really, Peru says
The Boston Globe, 1/10/07

Computer woes

My Mac's S.M.A.R.T. drive is smart enough to let me know that is is about to fail but, unfortunately, not smart enough to repair itself. Needless to say, I will be spending what little free time I have in the process of backing up all essential files; schlepping the Mac to the Apple Store for repair/replacement of the drive; counting the minutes until its return; so that I can spend countless hours reinstalling all the little-used software that I have accumulated; in the hopes that it will tide me over until I can afford the new Mac that I so dearly deserve.

In the interim, I will try to post (if inspiration visits) through whatever means I can. Otherwise, you may talk amongst yourselves until I return.

Taking the bulimia by the horns

Mr. Bush is indulging the urge
To seek a solution in "surge."
But more troops in Bagdad
Will not end the jihad
Just as sure as a binge follows purge.

Bush Works To Rally Support for Iraq 'Surge'
By Michael Abramowitz, The Washington Post , 1/9/07

A cup of kindness yet

I've tried since September 11,
With verses and limericks, to leaven
The news, at its worst.
If I may be the first,
Let me say "Happy 2007!"

In the last week we have witnessed the demise of a dictator, the passing of a president, the loss of the godfather of soul and many more souls lost in the Grand Guignol that is Iraq. None requiring comment from the Savant to heighten its poignancy.

During my holiday hiatus I have given some thought to the future of this blog. I have been filling these virtual pages with my detritus for five years now. First, on my website and finally here on this blog. The discovery of blogging was a revelation since it no longer required a major reformat every time I wished to make a post. So, technically it has actually become easier to do what I set out to do.

There certainly has been no shortage of topical nonsense to fuel my nonsense rhymes so I can’t claim a lack of subject matter. There are many more talented limerick writers than I (e.g. see Graham Lester’s wonderful ditty in the comments on my last post). Graham, along with many equally talented folks, has been contributing regularly to the OEDILF (Omnificent English Dictionary In Limerick Form), a remarkable project that I wish I had thought up. My sole contribution so far (on the word "retromingent") has been removed since the dictionary is nowhere near the "Rs" yet.

Yet, I can’t claim to be filling the much-needed niche for political limerick writers, either. As I have discovered along the way, mine was not a unique idea, as I would have liked to believe. Bob Duplantier had already published his book Politickles before I had the notion to self-publish on the Web. And Madeleine "Mad" Kane has been liberally churning out left-wing humor, including limericks, for some time now. I know that I can’t resist taking aim at some of our inflated celebrities, as well, but political figures are more often in my sights.

I have also realized that a blogger is only as good as his/her last post. If you wish to be read, then you need to write. Like the shark that must keep moving to live, a static blog will only sink to the bottom of the ocean of words written every day on the Internet. I have never fooled myself into believing that this venture was more than a self-indulgent pastime. That it has managed to entertain some others, beside myself, greatly pleases me. Though I am not ready to deep six the idea, I may do less to keep it afloat in the year ahead(that certainly beat the nautical metaphor to death didn’t it?). Let's hope less is more.

I have been contemplating a blog in which I can explore the history of my maternal grandfather who died when I was only two. He is my namesake (no, not "Limerick") and I find that I yearn to know more about him and his life. I also hope to use the process as a means for spending more time with my mother who will be my primary source of information. I expect it to be of no interest to anyone but myself and possibly my family but it is what draws me now.

As to the Savant in 2007, who knows? Looking ahead, I can only quote a recently viewed bumper sticker, "Is it 2008 yet?"



U.S. military deaths in Iraq reach 3,000
By Solomon Moore, The Los Angeles Times, 12/31/06