Where there's a Will, there's a way

Now conservatives scramble to muster
Enough votes that will kill filibuster;
And so it appears,
That over the years,
Mr. Smith and George Will lost their luster.


Why Filibusters Should Be Allowed
George F. Will, The Washington Post, 3/20/05

Cursed

Exposing political crimes
May prompt these polemical rhymes
But the cruelest of curses
Gives fuel to these verses:
That we live in such int'resting times!


May You Live in Interesting Times
By Tereze Gluck
[an unashamed plug for a friend]

The Savant's living will

Let me go without Delay!

What a shock that we can't all agree
Over what Terri's fate ought to be.
Well, if e'er comes my day,
Please don't let Tom Delay
Be the one who will watch over me!

[NB: For a description of Tom Delay, please see previous post]


Keep politics out of end-of-life care, doctors say
The Boston Globe, 3/19/05

Terri Schiavo's feeding tube is removed amid a political storm that rages in Congress
San Jose Mercury News, 3/19/05

Experts: GOP may have stepped out of bounds
Newsday.com, 3/19/05

Pumping Irony

'Roid rage is disingenuous

Don't you think it a little ironic
That the House is dispensing this tonic?
While Baseball avoids
The cure for its 'roids,
Flaming assholes in Congress are chronic!

Steroid hearings all political grandstanding
San Jose Mercury News, 3/17/05

Wearing o' the green

It's the day to forego your routine
And abandon your usual mien.
For, to honor the saint,
You must act like you ain't
And drink 'til you're sallow and green!

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Partying it up
on St. Patrick's Day?
MSNBC, 3/16/05

Serious radio vs. Sirius radio

Though our world seems to teeter on edge
NPR brings us down from the ledge
With grounded reporting
That calls for supporting
So, why not call back with your pledge?

My local public radio station is fund raising again so probably yours is too. Though these pledge drives annoy the hell out of me because I'm already a loyal member and supporter, and I really just want them to get back to my daily fix of All Things Considered; my irritation is tempered by a scary realization of the alternative. If my only option for commercial-free radio was paying $150 a year (not to mention the outlay for the radio itself) for Sirius radio, or one of that ilk, just to get a daily dose of Howard Stern; a pledge drive or two seems a small inconvenience. And yes, Sirius does provide news programming but the best of it still comes from their public radio offerings.

So, where would you rather invest your time and money? I've made my choice and I support serious radio!

Find your local NPR station

Bedtime for gonzo?

The debt owed by bloggers is clear
But, for "gonzo," this Duke had no peer.
Can that spirit live on,
Or will, now that he's gone,
We be left with just loathing and fear?

In Memoriam: Hunter S. Thompson, 1937-2005
NewsWeek, 3/7/05

No heavy lifting allowed

I received the following missive from Seany the other day:

"It is nearly three weeks" I declare
"Since you had any limericks to share"
I keep clicking my link
But I'm starting to think
That the Savant is blogging elsewhere

--
Posted by Seany to Limerick Savant at 3/1/2005 05:21:15 PM


The Savant is consoled to know that he has at least one fan who actually noticed his recent absence and thus feels the following explanation is due. Actually, it's a bit more complicated but, then, aren't all of our lives?

The Savant has been under the whether
His surgeon could pull him together.
He found that a hernia
Will rapidly turn ya
To thoughts that are light as a feather.

If you find that your funny bone itches
I suggest you try dropping your britches
And go under the knife.
It could well save your life
And it surely will keep you in stitches!

Click on "Get the story" to visit Seany at his blog.

Live and let Di

Princess Di as compared to Camilla
Is like strawberry versus vanilla;
But the well-mannered Brits
Wouldn't even throw fits
If Prince Charles were to marry Godzilla.

'They're middle-aged and boring' - what people said
Times Online, 2/10/05

Boob tube revisited

On this Super Bowl Sunday, the Savant couldn't resist reposting this one for those that may have missed it last year:

With CBS Sports as her rubes,
Janet J. flashed some tit on our tubes.
So what's all the stir
About Justin and her?
TV's always been home to big boobs!

Long before there was "wardrobe malfunction"
To prick at our viewing compunction;
Before the computers
That TiVoed those hooters,
We were tuning in Petticoat Junction.

TiVo: Jackson stunt most replayed moment ever
CNN, 2/3/04

And here's the link to the page with my most Googled image ever

Four years vs. six weeks

In PA, they're cursing him still,
That ground hog with only one skill.
The shadow he viewed
Brought the bad attitude,
And, this winter, we've more than our Phil!

Beyond a shadow of doubt
Pittsburgh Tribune-Review, 2/3/05

George Bush cast a shadow, as well
While giving us all the hard sell
And as we got snowed
We looked down the road
And saw four frigging years of this hell!

Winning the war of perception
Tom Shales, Washington Post, 2/3/05

Is Michael bad?

Michael Jackson is going on trial
For actions, both heinous and vile;
But his fans aren't perturbed
Like some children, they're lured
And seduced, less by substance than style.

Jackson Trial: Fans, potential jurors first up
Seattle Post-Intelligencer, 2/1/05


Gives new meaning to the following:

Bad
------Michael Jackson

Your Butt Is Mine
Gonna Tell You Right
Just Show Your Face
In Broad Daylight
I'm Telling You
On How I Feel
Gonna Hurt Your Mind
Don't Shoot To Kill
Come On,

Come On,
Lay It On Me
All Right...

I'm Giving You
On Count Of Three
To Show Your Stuff
Or Let It Be...
I'm Telling You
Just Watch Your Mouth
I Know Your Game
What You're About

Well They Say The Sky's The Limit
And To Me That's Really True
But My Friend You Have Seen Nothin'
Just Wait 'Till I Get Through...

Because I'm Bad, I'm Bad - Come On
(Bad Bad - Really, Really Bad)
You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad -You Know It
(Bad Bad - Really, Really Bad)
You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad-Come On, You Know
(Bad Bad - Really, Really Bad)
And The Whole World Has To Answer Right Now
Just To Tell You Once Again,
Who's Bad...

The Word Is Out
You're Doin' Wrong
Gonna Lock You Up
Before Too Long,
Your Lyin' Eyes
Gonna Take You Right
So Listen Up
Don't Make A Fight,
Your Talk Is Cheap
You're Not A Man
You're Throwin' Stones
To Hide Your Hands

But They Say The Sky's The Limit
And To Me That's Really True
And My Friends You Have Seen Nothin'
Just Wait 'Till I Get Through...

Because I'm Bad, I'm Bad - Come On
(Bad Bad - Really, Really Bad)
You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad-You Know It
(Bad Bad - Really, Really Bad)
You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad-You Know It, You Know
(Bad Bad - Really, Really Bad)
And The Whole World Has To Answer Right Now
(And The Whole World Has To Answer Right Now)
Just To Tell You Once Again,
(Just To Tell You Once Again)
Who's Bad...

We Can Change The World Tomorrow
This Could Be A Better Place
If You Don't Like What I'm Sayin'
Then Won't You Slap My Face...

Because I'm Bad, I'm Bad - Come On
(Bad Bad - Really, Really Bad)
You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad-You Know It
(Bad Bad - Really, Really Bad)
You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad-You Know It, You Know
(Bad Bad - Really, Really Bad)

Woo! Woo! Woo!
(And The Whole World Has To Answer Right Now Just To Tell You Once Again...)

You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad - Come On
(Bad Bad - Really, Really Bad)
You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad-You Know It-You Know It
(Bad Bad - Really, Really Bad)
You Know, You Know, You
Know, Come On
(Bad Bad - Really, Really Bad)
And The Whole World Has To
Answer Right Now
(And The Whole World Has To
Answer Right Now)
Just To Tell You
(Just To Tell You Once Again)

You Know I'm Smooth, I'm Bad, You Know It
(Bad Bad - Really, Really Bad)
You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad Baby
(Bad Bad - Really, Really Bad)
You Know, You Know, You
Know It, Come On
(Bad Bad - Really, Really Bad)
And The Whole World Has To
Answer Right Now
(And The Whole World Has To
Answer Right Now)
Woo!
(Just To Tell You Once Again)

You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad-You Know It
(Bad Bad - Really, Really Bad)
You Know I'm Bad-You Know-Hoo!
(Bad Bad - Really, Really Bad)
You Know I'm Bad-I'm Bad-You Know It, You Know
(Bad Bad - Really, Really Bad)
And The Whole World Has To Answer Right Now
(And The Whole World Has To Answer Right Now)
Just To Tell You Once Again...
(Just To Tell You Once Again...)
Who's Bad?
Source: http://www.sing365.com

What's next?

In Iraq, now that voting is done,
The question is not just who's won;
But can they unite
To abandon the fight
With a true rule of law, not of gun?

Beyond the bullets, a new constitution is the crucial issue for this democracy
The Guardian, 1/31/05

Condom failure in Spain

The conception that condoms make safe
Gave the bishops in Spain a real chafe.
The pope is didactic
On acts, prophylactic:
He demands that you wear only faith.

Spanish Bishops Rebut Spokesman's Support of Condoms
Washington Post, 1/20/05

Inaugural blues

Tomorrow's the day to give vent
And to protest the lives that were spent
On a war waged in haste
And the millions we waste.
If you're blue, then don't spend a red cent!



Or if you have more to not spend,

Imperial designs?

To Prince Harry:

Nazi emblems can truly offend
For the message of hate that they send
But the choice in your dress
Might express even less
Than the party you chose to attend


The party that caused a king-size hangover
How Nazi gear, a popular society choice, put Harry in the doghouse
The Guardian, 1/14/05

Hypoallergenic nominee?

Shake that Kerik embarrassing hurt off
With Security chief, Michael Chertoff!
We've vetted, blood-letted,
And never regretted
The Dyson® we bought to get dirt off.


Bush demonstrates how the patented cyclonic action removes any trace of nanny problems, personal indiscretions, and even the slightest speck of data suggesting Chertoff engineered the infamous PATRIOT Act.

Bush Selects Appeals Judge for Homeland Security Post
NPR, 1/11/05

"Quaint" testimony

"Were the prison abuses a pity?
Yes, I guess that they weren't very pretty.
How is torture defined?
Well if, sirs, you don't mind;
It's a lot like this Senate committee!"

Mr. Gonzales's Testimony
Washington Post, 1/7/05

There is a Sanity Clause!

If compassion, these days, seems a rarity,
All in favor of mental health parity
Please donate to NAMI.
It won't take a swami
To see prophets are given to charity.

Thank you to all who purchased a copy of the Savant's Four Year Funk, a hand-printed, signed, limited edition collection of pearls from the last four years. As promised, I will be sending off a check to my local NAMI chapter (with a little extra from me). Surprisingly, there are still some copies left, which I may offer for sale,(profits to charity) if there is sufficient interest. Drop me a line to inquire.

For those of you who are interested in contributing directly, here is a link:

National Alliance for the Mentally Ill

Wave of indifference

Tens of thousands have gone to their grave,
Whom a warning might easily save.
A child cries for mommy
When, like the tsunami,
We dismiss her with simply a wave.

Tsunami warnings too little, too late
The Seattle Times, 12/28/04

Naked Truth

In Texas, you'll find it's now true,
You can't dance without top unless you
Have permit displayed;
For thusly arrayed,
You're giving us license to view.

Hey, Can I Get a Closer Look at That Permit?
Reuters, 12/20/04

Nuts! to the Squirrel

I'm so pleased that you mentioned my site.
Will I lose any sleep over spite?
You can say want you want
About the Savant,
Just so long as you get the link right.

"Worst Blog Ever"
Rico the Squirrel, Shut Yer Blog, 12/12/04

Hitting the books

The effects will be decades to gauge
But the notion is clearly the rage.
With libraries scanned
As Google ^® has planned,
We're turning the digital page.

Top libraries to go online in deal with Google
The Guardian, 12/15/04

On the Beach

I've read what the diet docs preach.
So, I'm putting the carbs out of reach
And starting the diet.
Just wish I could try it
While actu'lly there on South Beach.

An iron-clad defense?

That Rumsfeld is such a snake charmer!
When asked, "What's become of the armor?"
While soldiers hunt scraps
To withstand booby-traps;
He tried to convince us it's karma.

GIs come up short on armor, answers
Chicago Sun Times, 12/10/04

Intelligence overhaul requires intelligence, overall

Prepare for the gathering storm
As Congress enacts this reform.
We'd trust the new bill
From Capitol Hill
If intelligence, there, were the norm.

Senate to Vote on Intelligence Reform Bill
NPR Morning Edition, 12/8/04

And Barry, "There is no Santa Claus either!"

His records are not what they seemed:
Poor Barry was just double-teamed?
No steroids he'd claim;
His trainer's to blame.
It appears he was "cleared" and got "creamed!"

What Bonds told BALCO grand jury
San Francisco Chronicle, 12/3/04

Justice delayed and denied

Twenty years have now past since Bhopal
And its tragic events touched us all.
Yet, even today,
The toxins hold sway;
Half a million are touched by the pall.


After 20 Years, Effects of Bhopal Tragedy Linger
NPR, 12/3/04

No, it's not Tom Ridge!

The nation's been wondering when
He'd return to the ranks of mere men.
A Jeopardy star
And longest, by far.
In the form of a question: "Who's ?"

Ken Jennings from 'Jeopardy!' ends 74-game win streak
Seattle Post Intelligencer, 12/1/04

Rude-olph Awakening

It's too early for Christmas, by golly,
And, at five in the morning, it's folly.
So, guess my surprise
When I woke to Burl Ives.
Well, I felt neither "holly" nor "jolly!"

Look Who's 40: 'Rudolph the Red-Nosed Reindeer'
NPR, Morning Edition, 12/1/04
[N.B. The Savant's clock radio is tuned to NPR. What else?]

Canadians' beef with Bush

The Canucks have been wondering how, boy
We can still ban their beef, even now, boy.
They believe Bush's war
Kinda evens the score
Since we have our own case of mad cowboy!



Frigid Embrace for Bush
washingtonpost.com, 11/30/04

OH my gawd!

A solution that seems almost sane?
New elections without any pain?
The Dems in Ohio
Are wondering why, oh
Why can't they act like the Ukraine?


Departing Ukrainian President Would Support New Election
The New York Times International, 11/29/04

One Month Later, Fight Over Ohio Continues
The Guardian, 11/29/04

Rememberin' Tiananmen

For today, I'll be joining the ranks
Of dissenters who want to give thanks
That, unlike in Ukraine,
We are free to complain
Without fear of reprisal with tanks.

Ukraine's chorus of protest grows
BBC News, Kiev, 11/25/04

Team America Bush

A mixed review

You will love the celebrity zings
And be howling as Kim Jong-Il sings;
But it's not as absurd
As our own Thunderbird,
Mr. Bush, and those pulling his strings.



Ready to set up another puppet regime


Team America: the movie

His Holy Grail: T.Hanks for the movie deal

Dan Brown always knew it a cinch he
Would gain some renown from "Da Vinci."
But how lazy writing
Gets deemed so exciting?
This must be a dream; someone pinch me!

Cracking the 'Code'
NewsWeek, 11/22/04