Have I got a war for you!

Just saw the movie, The Aristocrats, with my wife on Monday (bargain night at the "Seedy-Lee," our local independent film theatre). If you are not familiar with the film, it deals with the "dirtiest joke ever" which has become a sort of off stage challenge for comedic one-upsmanship among performers. Certainly a movie for acquired, if not depraved, tastes; but showing to a packed house nevertheless. I have to admit I laughed, despite myself (and my rather low rating on "vulgar" in the "3 Variable Funny Test" that you may have noted in my previous post), especially at some of the cleverer twists on the basic theme. The joke is even told as a card trick and in mime during the screening. In no way consider this an endorsement and certainly don't mistake this film for the animated Disney movie of similar title!

So, as we are leaving the theater (yes, at the end), my wife says to me, "I wonder if it has ever been told as a limerick?" Well, how could I resist such a challenge?

In order to maintain my PG-13 rating on this blog, I have posted the limerick on "The Aristocrats" joke challenge site. Do to the constraints of their posting format, I needed to expand beyond my usual limerick form, but I think the limerick within can stand on its own as well. It would probably help if you saw the movie first (still not an endorsement) and I include my usual "Get the story" link below to explain my punch line for the nightly news challenged.

Have a look if you're so inclined but please do not click on link below if:
1. You are under 18 years of age (Yeah, like that'll stop you)
2. You have delicate sensibilities (Then why are you reading this blog?)
3. You are my mother (Really, mom, please don't! I don't want to have to explain it later).

Presenting the Limerick Savant's version of The Aristocrats or
Have I got a war for you! - An Allegory

Disclaimer: There are things more obscene than sexual and scatological references. Any resemblance of characters in this joke to real persons, living or undead, is purely coincidental; but if the shoe fits...

Global Struggle against Violent Extremism: Marketing Gimmick or Ominous Turn?
Robert Higgs, The Independent Institute, 8/8/05

Well, they are half right

I don't normally bother with these things but I followed a link at Texas Trifles and just couldn't help myself. Nothing I didn't already know but maybe that speaks to the accuracy? Hah! By the way, note my opposite in the matrix.

the Wit (57% dark, 26% spontaneous, 36% vulgar)

your humor style: CLEAN | COMPLEX | DARK You like things edgy, subtle, and smart. I guess that means you're probably an intellectual, but don't take that to mean pretentious. You realize 'dumb' can be witty--after all isn't that the Simpsons' philosophy?--but rudeness for its own sake, 'gross-out' humor and most other things found in a fraternity leave you totally flat. I guess you just have a more cerebral approach than most. You have the perfect mindset for a joke writer or staff writer. Your sense of humor takes the most thought to appreciate, but it's also the best, in my opinion. You probably loved the Office. If you don't know what I'm talking about, check it out here: http://www.bbc.co.uk/comedy/theoffice/. PEOPLE LIKE YOU: Jon Stewart - Woody Allen - Ricky Gervais

My test tracked 3 variables How you compared to other people your age and gender: You scored higher than 99% on dark You scored higher than 0% on spontaneous You scored higher than 99% on vulgar

Link: The 3 Variable Funny Test written by jason_bateman on Ok Cupid

No illusions

I kept dreaming the world might change course
If my words could just carry more force;
But now, more mature,
I just spread my manure
As I blog that proverbial horse.

Thanks to Cowtown Pattie for pointing out how prescient our spellcheckers can be.

Mourning in America

These photos should act as reminders,
In this life, we're not keepers, but finders
Who shouldn't wage war
Without knowing the score;
And that starts by removing the blinders.

U.S. forced to release honor-guard photos
The Plain Dealer, 8/5/05

Cindy: Crawford's cover girl

Cindy Sheehan is still asking why
Mr. Bush thinks her son had to die.
Don't you think it is right
That all parents unite
And demand that he give a reply?

Anti-war voice resonates in mother's Texas vigil
By Edwin Chen and Dana Calvo (Los Angeles Times),
Seattle Times, 8/11/05

War: the ultimate reality show

So, the tightrope becomes ever tauter
That suspends your brave son or your daughter.
They believe in the cause
But their deaths should give pause:
Are we leading our lambs to the slaughter?



War hits Ohio hard
Thousands share grief, pride
Brian Albrecht, The Plain Dealer, 8/9/05

More U.N.doing

Bush was salving his ego despite
A Senate, not through with the fight.
A recess appointment's
A fly in that ointment
That might just return with a bite.

Bush bypasses Senate to install Bolton as UN envoy
Jamie Wilson in Washington
The Guardian, 8/2/05