More revisionist rhetoric

What does the report represent?
It depends on how truth can be bent:
For if you are free
Of those Dubya M D,
We'll attack you for just your intent.

Report Finds No Evidence Syria Hid Iraqi Arms
By Dana Priest, the Washington Post, 4/26/05

Maybe it's just the ivory-billed woodpecker

The PATRIOT act caught us napping
As our liberties took a good rapping;
But, never you fear,
That sound that you hear
Isn't Big Brother a-tapping.

Wiretaps in U.S. Jump 19 Percent in 2004
By Devlin Barrett, The Guardian, 4/28/05

Good news: the ivory-bill has not passed

Extinction is Nature's home wrecker:
But thanks to an Arkansas trekker
We could save "ivory-bills,"
And no little blue pills
Are required for reviving this pecker.

[N.B. Thanks to cyberthrush at Ivory-bills LiVE!! for linking and making me think about changing the last line to what you see above. LS 4/18/07]

Ivory-Billed Woodpecker Rediscovered in Arkansas
NPR Radio Expedition, 4/28/05

Bolton nomination is U.N.done

All hail George Voinovich

The news that his anger was molten
And he bullied his staff was so joltin',
That the Dems can give thanks,
In Republican ranks,
Some members are leanin' towards boltin'.

In surprise, vote on Bolton delayed
GOP senator asks to hear more
The Boston Globe, 4/20/05

Mel Gibson is happy

The conclave selected a pope
Who won't slide down that slippery slope.
So it seems "Cardinal No,"
Keeping doctrine in tow,
Will be known now as "Pope of the Nope."

From Hitler Youth to the Vatican
The Guardian, 4/20/05

Keeping abreast of silicone II

In an F.D.A. policy shift,
That should leave the competitors miffed:
Seems Mentor may sell
Its silicone gel,
Which should give all their boobs a big lift.


Having exhausted more breast puns than even he can tolerate, and not to minimize the real need for safe alternatives for those needing reconstuctive surgery; the Savant suggests you visit this very worthy site:



FDA panel supports firm's breast implant
The Boston Globe, 4/14/05

Let history or Roger Waters decide

In an act of unparalleled gall,
Mr. Bush ranked Saddam Hussein's fall.
Pink Floyd might object
To this lack of respect
In comparing his war to "The Wall."


Support our troops; not our boobs!

[NB: In his hubris, Bush really thinks his war is on a par with the war against Fascism and the fall of the Third Reich but he couldn't spell "Fascism" and doesn't know how to pronounce "Reich."]

Bush likens Saddam's fall to end of Berlin Wall
By Bill Sammon, The Washington Times, 4/13/05

No support for silicone breasts

In silicone, some place their trust;
Some feel they just pander to lust.
But to keep you abreast
Of the F.D.A. test:
The implants are still a big bust!

Panel upholds breast implant rule
FDA advisors vote to keep partial ban on silicone devices
San Francisco Chronicle, 4/13/05

Papal funeral delegation

A message from our administration

Among living leaders of state
We're afraid Jimmy Carter won't rate.
Instead he's been snubbed
For the one to be dubbed
Our own Condoleeza 'the Great.'

Carter's Absence From Group Reignites Tensions With Bush
By Peter Baker, The Washington Post, 4/8/05

Skip the crises; I am Pisces

The Savant has just gotten his wish
And grown out of that old Petri dish:
TLB's ecosystem
Will currently list him
Among all the "Flippery Fish!"

The Truth Laid Bear Blgosphere Ecosystem

Untapped Laughter

My knowledge, I fear, had a gap
About maples and why we must tap:
This explosive report,
For a sec, took me short
'Til I realized I was the sap!

Thanks to Robert Siegel and the NPR bunch for catching the Savant off guard, this evening, on his usually tedious commute. You had me LOL the whole way home!

New England Suffers Maple Woes
By Robert Siegel, All Things Considered, NPR, 4/1/05

Life with dignity

Death makes us all April fools

As we ponder the ethical scope
Of a death, be it Schiavo or pope -
That the pontiff may choose,
While another refuse;
Is the concept that gives us all hope.


Moral Clarity
CBS News, 3/31/05

Two very different lives exposed by the media grip us all
Daniel Schorr, The Christian Science Monitor, 4/1/05

Pentagon passes brass

The prisoner abuse epidemic
Has turned into quite the polemic.
In the latest report
Adm. Church will purport
That the problem was never systemic.

Documents show widespread prisoner abuse
Air Force Times, 3/28/05

Pentagon Report Clears Top Officers in Iraq Prison Abuse
NPR, 3/10/05

Old Ojibwe saying: Never laugh at your children

[Gego baapiineminaken gidaabinoojiiyug]

In Red Lake we have reservation
As to whence came this sad aberration.
The pox of our age -
The white-man's dark rage -
Has infected the Chippewa nation.

Horror and hope at Red Lake Nation
By Scott Richard Lyons, Indian Country Today, 3/23/05

Where there's a Will, there's a way

Now conservatives scramble to muster
Enough votes that will kill filibuster;
And so it appears,
That over the years,
Mr. Smith and George Will lost their luster.


Why Filibusters Should Be Allowed
George F. Will, The Washington Post, 3/20/05

Cursed

Exposing political crimes
May prompt these polemical rhymes
But the cruelest of curses
Gives fuel to these verses:
That we live in such int'resting times!


May You Live in Interesting Times
By Tereze Gluck
[an unashamed plug for a friend]

The Savant's living will

Let me go without Delay!

What a shock that we can't all agree
Over what Terri's fate ought to be.
Well, if e'er comes my day,
Please don't let Tom Delay
Be the one who will watch over me!

[NB: For a description of Tom Delay, please see previous post]


Keep politics out of end-of-life care, doctors say
The Boston Globe, 3/19/05

Terri Schiavo's feeding tube is removed amid a political storm that rages in Congress
San Jose Mercury News, 3/19/05

Experts: GOP may have stepped out of bounds
Newsday.com, 3/19/05

Pumping Irony

'Roid rage is disingenuous

Don't you think it a little ironic
That the House is dispensing this tonic?
While Baseball avoids
The cure for its 'roids,
Flaming assholes in Congress are chronic!

Steroid hearings all political grandstanding
San Jose Mercury News, 3/17/05

Wearing o' the green

It's the day to forego your routine
And abandon your usual mien.
For, to honor the saint,
You must act like you ain't
And drink 'til you're sallow and green!

Happy St. Patrick's Day

Partying it up
on St. Patrick's Day?
MSNBC, 3/16/05

Serious radio vs. Sirius radio

Though our world seems to teeter on edge
NPR brings us down from the ledge
With grounded reporting
That calls for supporting
So, why not call back with your pledge?

My local public radio station is fund raising again so probably yours is too. Though these pledge drives annoy the hell out of me because I'm already a loyal member and supporter, and I really just want them to get back to my daily fix of All Things Considered; my irritation is tempered by a scary realization of the alternative. If my only option for commercial-free radio was paying $150 a year (not to mention the outlay for the radio itself) for Sirius radio, or one of that ilk, just to get a daily dose of Howard Stern; a pledge drive or two seems a small inconvenience. And yes, Sirius does provide news programming but the best of it still comes from their public radio offerings.

So, where would you rather invest your time and money? I've made my choice and I support serious radio!

Find your local NPR station

Bedtime for gonzo?

The debt owed by bloggers is clear
But, for "gonzo," this Duke had no peer.
Can that spirit live on,
Or will, now that he's gone,
We be left with just loathing and fear?

In Memoriam: Hunter S. Thompson, 1937-2005
NewsWeek, 3/7/05

No heavy lifting allowed

I received the following missive from Seany the other day:

"It is nearly three weeks" I declare
"Since you had any limericks to share"
I keep clicking my link
But I'm starting to think
That the Savant is blogging elsewhere

--
Posted by Seany to Limerick Savant at 3/1/2005 05:21:15 PM


The Savant is consoled to know that he has at least one fan who actually noticed his recent absence and thus feels the following explanation is due. Actually, it's a bit more complicated but, then, aren't all of our lives?

The Savant has been under the whether
His surgeon could pull him together.
He found that a hernia
Will rapidly turn ya
To thoughts that are light as a feather.

If you find that your funny bone itches
I suggest you try dropping your britches
And go under the knife.
It could well save your life
And it surely will keep you in stitches!

Click on "Get the story" to visit Seany at his blog.

Live and let Di

Princess Di as compared to Camilla
Is like strawberry versus vanilla;
But the well-mannered Brits
Wouldn't even throw fits
If Prince Charles were to marry Godzilla.

'They're middle-aged and boring' - what people said
Times Online, 2/10/05

Boob tube revisited

On this Super Bowl Sunday, the Savant couldn't resist reposting this one for those that may have missed it last year:

With CBS Sports as her rubes,
Janet J. flashed some tit on our tubes.
So what's all the stir
About Justin and her?
TV's always been home to big boobs!

Long before there was "wardrobe malfunction"
To prick at our viewing compunction;
Before the computers
That TiVoed those hooters,
We were tuning in Petticoat Junction.

TiVo: Jackson stunt most replayed moment ever
CNN, 2/3/04

And here's the link to the page with my most Googled image ever

Four years vs. six weeks

In PA, they're cursing him still,
That ground hog with only one skill.
The shadow he viewed
Brought the bad attitude,
And, this winter, we've more than our Phil!

Beyond a shadow of doubt
Pittsburgh Tribune-Review, 2/3/05

George Bush cast a shadow, as well
While giving us all the hard sell
And as we got snowed
We looked down the road
And saw four frigging years of this hell!

Winning the war of perception
Tom Shales, Washington Post, 2/3/05

Is Michael bad?

Michael Jackson is going on trial
For actions, both heinous and vile;
But his fans aren't perturbed
Like some children, they're lured
And seduced, less by substance than style.

Jackson Trial: Fans, potential jurors first up
Seattle Post-Intelligencer, 2/1/05


Gives new meaning to the following:

Bad
------Michael Jackson

Your Butt Is Mine
Gonna Tell You Right
Just Show Your Face
In Broad Daylight
I'm Telling You
On How I Feel
Gonna Hurt Your Mind
Don't Shoot To Kill
Come On,

Come On,
Lay It On Me
All Right...

I'm Giving You
On Count Of Three
To Show Your Stuff
Or Let It Be...
I'm Telling You
Just Watch Your Mouth
I Know Your Game
What You're About

Well They Say The Sky's The Limit
And To Me That's Really True
But My Friend You Have Seen Nothin'
Just Wait 'Till I Get Through...

Because I'm Bad, I'm Bad - Come On
(Bad Bad - Really, Really Bad)
You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad -You Know It
(Bad Bad - Really, Really Bad)
You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad-Come On, You Know
(Bad Bad - Really, Really Bad)
And The Whole World Has To Answer Right Now
Just To Tell You Once Again,
Who's Bad...

The Word Is Out
You're Doin' Wrong
Gonna Lock You Up
Before Too Long,
Your Lyin' Eyes
Gonna Take You Right
So Listen Up
Don't Make A Fight,
Your Talk Is Cheap
You're Not A Man
You're Throwin' Stones
To Hide Your Hands

But They Say The Sky's The Limit
And To Me That's Really True
And My Friends You Have Seen Nothin'
Just Wait 'Till I Get Through...

Because I'm Bad, I'm Bad - Come On
(Bad Bad - Really, Really Bad)
You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad-You Know It
(Bad Bad - Really, Really Bad)
You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad-You Know It, You Know
(Bad Bad - Really, Really Bad)
And The Whole World Has To Answer Right Now
(And The Whole World Has To Answer Right Now)
Just To Tell You Once Again,
(Just To Tell You Once Again)
Who's Bad...

We Can Change The World Tomorrow
This Could Be A Better Place
If You Don't Like What I'm Sayin'
Then Won't You Slap My Face...

Because I'm Bad, I'm Bad - Come On
(Bad Bad - Really, Really Bad)
You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad-You Know It
(Bad Bad - Really, Really Bad)
You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad-You Know It, You Know
(Bad Bad - Really, Really Bad)

Woo! Woo! Woo!
(And The Whole World Has To Answer Right Now Just To Tell You Once Again...)

You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad - Come On
(Bad Bad - Really, Really Bad)
You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad-You Know It-You Know It
(Bad Bad - Really, Really Bad)
You Know, You Know, You
Know, Come On
(Bad Bad - Really, Really Bad)
And The Whole World Has To
Answer Right Now
(And The Whole World Has To
Answer Right Now)
Just To Tell You
(Just To Tell You Once Again)

You Know I'm Smooth, I'm Bad, You Know It
(Bad Bad - Really, Really Bad)
You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad Baby
(Bad Bad - Really, Really Bad)
You Know, You Know, You
Know It, Come On
(Bad Bad - Really, Really Bad)
And The Whole World Has To
Answer Right Now
(And The Whole World Has To
Answer Right Now)
Woo!
(Just To Tell You Once Again)

You Know I'm Bad, I'm Bad-You Know It
(Bad Bad - Really, Really Bad)
You Know I'm Bad-You Know-Hoo!
(Bad Bad - Really, Really Bad)
You Know I'm Bad-I'm Bad-You Know It, You Know
(Bad Bad - Really, Really Bad)
And The Whole World Has To Answer Right Now
(And The Whole World Has To Answer Right Now)
Just To Tell You Once Again...
(Just To Tell You Once Again...)
Who's Bad?
Source: http://www.sing365.com

What's next?

In Iraq, now that voting is done,
The question is not just who's won;
But can they unite
To abandon the fight
With a true rule of law, not of gun?

Beyond the bullets, a new constitution is the crucial issue for this democracy
The Guardian, 1/31/05

Condom failure in Spain

The conception that condoms make safe
Gave the bishops in Spain a real chafe.
The pope is didactic
On acts, prophylactic:
He demands that you wear only faith.

Spanish Bishops Rebut Spokesman's Support of Condoms
Washington Post, 1/20/05

Inaugural blues

Tomorrow's the day to give vent
And to protest the lives that were spent
On a war waged in haste
And the millions we waste.
If you're blue, then don't spend a red cent!



Or if you have more to not spend,

Imperial designs?

To Prince Harry:

Nazi emblems can truly offend
For the message of hate that they send
But the choice in your dress
Might express even less
Than the party you chose to attend


The party that caused a king-size hangover
How Nazi gear, a popular society choice, put Harry in the doghouse
The Guardian, 1/14/05

Hypoallergenic nominee?

Shake that Kerik embarrassing hurt off
With Security chief, Michael Chertoff!
We've vetted, blood-letted,
And never regretted
The Dyson® we bought to get dirt off.


Bush demonstrates how the patented cyclonic action removes any trace of nanny problems, personal indiscretions, and even the slightest speck of data suggesting Chertoff engineered the infamous PATRIOT Act.

Bush Selects Appeals Judge for Homeland Security Post
NPR, 1/11/05

"Quaint" testimony

"Were the prison abuses a pity?
Yes, I guess that they weren't very pretty.
How is torture defined?
Well if, sirs, you don't mind;
It's a lot like this Senate committee!"

Mr. Gonzales's Testimony
Washington Post, 1/7/05

There is a Sanity Clause!

If compassion, these days, seems a rarity,
All in favor of mental health parity
Please donate to NAMI.
It won't take a swami
To see prophets are given to charity.

Thank you to all who purchased a copy of the Savant's Four Year Funk, a hand-printed, signed, limited edition collection of pearls from the last four years. As promised, I will be sending off a check to my local NAMI chapter (with a little extra from me). Surprisingly, there are still some copies left, which I may offer for sale,(profits to charity) if there is sufficient interest. Drop me a line to inquire.

For those of you who are interested in contributing directly, here is a link:

National Alliance for the Mentally Ill

Wave of indifference

Tens of thousands have gone to their grave,
Whom a warning might easily save.
A child cries for mommy
When, like the tsunami,
We dismiss her with simply a wave.

Tsunami warnings too little, too late
The Seattle Times, 12/28/04

Naked Truth

In Texas, you'll find it's now true,
You can't dance without top unless you
Have permit displayed;
For thusly arrayed,
You're giving us license to view.

Hey, Can I Get a Closer Look at That Permit?
Reuters, 12/20/04