WWJD?

What would Jesse (or Mel, or Al, or Michael) do?

Mister Imus is sure on his own,
But it seems Rev'rend Jackson's been prone
To use racist speech.
Yet, shouldn't he teach:
"Let he, without slurs, cast the stone?"

Misogyny in the Morning
By Eugene Robinson, The Washington Post, 4/10/07

Knut ist ein Berliner

A polar bear cub, kname of Knut,
Has caused quite a heated dispute:
Is he better off dead?
Raised by humans, instead?
Would this matter if Knut weren't so kcute?


Rejected by his mother, Knut is forced to clean dishes
at the Berlin Zoo to earn his keep. Animal rights activists
say he would have died of dishpan paws in the wild.

*For those curious about the title: a short history lesson courtesy of Wikipedia

Rejected at birth, Knut becomes Berlin zoo's bear essential
By Kate Connolly, The Guardian, 3/24/07

The initial response from the White House

"Yes, A.G. can hang on as A.G.,"
Says his buddy G.W.B.,
"Though he gave the O.K.s
To fire those D.A.s,
In D.C., that is just S.O.P."

Ex-Aide Rejects Gonzales Stand Over Dismissals
By David Johnston and Eric Lipton
The New York Times, 3/30/07

Chasing out the snakes

The PD, it would seem, is competin'
In a field this Savant is elite in.
From Erie to Éire,
His limericks are rarer
Than gold and his meter's unbeaten.

INSIDE St. Patrick's Day
The Plain Dealer, 3/17/07

Elder Vision

If one’s age is in eye of beholder
I’m assuaged and won’t cry on your shoulder.
To look in the mirror,
It’s clearer and clearer,
It’s the fellow in there getting older.

Happy Birthday to the Savant's alter-ego

Satellite stations?

X'eM off your list!

At the risk of our seeming imperious
To anyone choosing to query us
On radio taste:
Satellite is a waste.
Put your money on news that is serious.

Yes, it's that time of year again when I have to endure the frequent interruptions to my daily dose of "Morning Edition" while the local public radio staff begs for my support. Although we are lucky enough to be within tuning distance of two NPR affiliates, there is no respite since the fundraising effort appears to be ubiquitous.

Plus, this morning, as even further affront to my Monday morning commute, I was forced to begin my 45 minute drive in utter darkness thanks to the new early onset DST (Daylight Squandering Time). But somehow, amidst Dee's pleas and Dave's raves and my own grumbling, I managed to hear some insightful stories on neglected diseases in Africa and medical treatment for our returning troops. And, as if to underscore the message that I have much to be thankful for, I was met with the most spectacular sunrise while arriving at work, a coincidence not possible without the altered standard time.

So if you need a reminder of the value of unbiased, in-depth reporting that can only come from an organization free of commercial interest, then take this unsolicited endorsement to heart and support "Serious" Radio.

Playing the Plame Game

The conviction of Libby, this week,
Leaves the question of "Who sprung the leak?"
Scooter's head on a plate,
While the rest of them skate,
Isn't justice and raises our pique!


Scooter takes one for the Shooter

Libby Guilty of Lying in C.I.A. Leak Case
By Neil A. Lewis, The New York Times, 3/7/07

The Maines event

Down in Dixie, they’ve taken their licks
But they broadened their base in ’06.
Now the band’s been redeemed
This week, so it seemed,
When the Grammy’s made nice with the Chicks.

Grammy Sweep by Dixie Chicks Is Seen as a Vindication
By Jeff Leeds, The New York Time, 2/13/07

Three (?) men and a baby

Poor Anna Nicole was reviled
As grand dame of the girls who've gone wild.
Now, her fortune at stake,
The Savant has to make
An admission: "I fathered her child!"

‘Fathers’ battle for Anna’s little girl
Tony Allen-Mills, The sunday Times, 2/11/07

Houston; we have a problem

What rational person would mace
Her rival for love in the face
Or attempt a kidnap
That’s so far off the map
You might say it was way out in space?

Astronaut Charged With Attempted Murder
By Maria Newman and Christine Hauser
The New York Times, 2/6/07

Maybe it's the accent

Every time that he comes to the dais
Mr. Bush uses words that dismay us.
I keep hearing his voice
Say his leadership choice
In Iraq is a man named "Betrayus!"

(with thanks to Michael Feldman for the inspiration Oh, let's be honest; I stole his joke.)

The Bush plan and the Petraeus doctrine
By Paul Reynolds, BBC News, 1/11/07

On notice

Since Colbert had them coughing up spittle
We’ve been wondering whose biting wit’ll
Be chosen this year
And, just as we fear,
The Press Corps will settle for Little.


White House press corps to play it safe at bash
-- with Rich Little
Joe Garofoli, The San Francisco Chronicle, 1/17/07

'Round midnight

This timepiece is used to display
Where the nuclear threat stands today.
Please note its advance
Indicates there's a chance
Armageddon's five minutes away!

Doomsday Clock edges toward midnight
Scientists add global warming to nuclear fears
The Boston Globe, 1/18/07

Found: the three-l lllama

A message from Royal Nepal Airlines:

Yes, it's true that our planes never flew
Where the llamas do "L" number two.
Now our ad on the wall
Asks "Have you seen Nepal?
We have lost it somewhere in Peru!"

[Apologies to Ogden Nash]

Have you seen Nepal? Not really, Peru says
The Boston Globe, 1/10/07

Computer woes

My Mac's S.M.A.R.T. drive is smart enough to let me know that is is about to fail but, unfortunately, not smart enough to repair itself. Needless to say, I will be spending what little free time I have in the process of backing up all essential files; schlepping the Mac to the Apple Store for repair/replacement of the drive; counting the minutes until its return; so that I can spend countless hours reinstalling all the little-used software that I have accumulated; in the hopes that it will tide me over until I can afford the new Mac that I so dearly deserve.

In the interim, I will try to post (if inspiration visits) through whatever means I can. Otherwise, you may talk amongst yourselves until I return.

Taking the bulimia by the horns

Mr. Bush is indulging the urge
To seek a solution in "surge."
But more troops in Bagdad
Will not end the jihad
Just as sure as a binge follows purge.

Bush Works To Rally Support for Iraq 'Surge'
By Michael Abramowitz, The Washington Post , 1/9/07

A cup of kindness yet

I've tried since September 11,
With verses and limericks, to leaven
The news, at its worst.
If I may be the first,
Let me say "Happy 2007!"

In the last week we have witnessed the demise of a dictator, the passing of a president, the loss of the godfather of soul and many more souls lost in the Grand Guignol that is Iraq. None requiring comment from the Savant to heighten its poignancy.

During my holiday hiatus I have given some thought to the future of this blog. I have been filling these virtual pages with my detritus for five years now. First, on my website and finally here on this blog. The discovery of blogging was a revelation since it no longer required a major reformat every time I wished to make a post. So, technically it has actually become easier to do what I set out to do.

There certainly has been no shortage of topical nonsense to fuel my nonsense rhymes so I can’t claim a lack of subject matter. There are many more talented limerick writers than I (e.g. see Graham Lester’s wonderful ditty in the comments on my last post). Graham, along with many equally talented folks, has been contributing regularly to the OEDILF (Omnificent English Dictionary In Limerick Form), a remarkable project that I wish I had thought up. My sole contribution so far (on the word "retromingent") has been removed since the dictionary is nowhere near the "Rs" yet.

Yet, I can’t claim to be filling the much-needed niche for political limerick writers, either. As I have discovered along the way, mine was not a unique idea, as I would have liked to believe. Bob Duplantier had already published his book Politickles before I had the notion to self-publish on the Web. And Madeleine "Mad" Kane has been liberally churning out left-wing humor, including limericks, for some time now. I know that I can’t resist taking aim at some of our inflated celebrities, as well, but political figures are more often in my sights.

I have also realized that a blogger is only as good as his/her last post. If you wish to be read, then you need to write. Like the shark that must keep moving to live, a static blog will only sink to the bottom of the ocean of words written every day on the Internet. I have never fooled myself into believing that this venture was more than a self-indulgent pastime. That it has managed to entertain some others, beside myself, greatly pleases me. Though I am not ready to deep six the idea, I may do less to keep it afloat in the year ahead(that certainly beat the nautical metaphor to death didn’t it?). Let's hope less is more.

I have been contemplating a blog in which I can explore the history of my maternal grandfather who died when I was only two. He is my namesake (no, not "Limerick") and I find that I yearn to know more about him and his life. I also hope to use the process as a means for spending more time with my mother who will be my primary source of information. I expect it to be of no interest to anyone but myself and possibly my family but it is what draws me now.

As to the Savant in 2007, who knows? Looking ahead, I can only quote a recently viewed bumper sticker, "Is it 2008 yet?"



U.S. military deaths in Iraq reach 3,000
By Solomon Moore, The Los Angeles Times, 12/31/06

Congratulations

To the You Generation

So, what has a blogger to do
To become one of Time's timely few,
When their "Person," this year,
Is an Internet peer?
Seems they overlooked me and chose you!


The cover that could have been

Person of the Year: You
Yes, you. You control the Information Age.
Welcome to your world.
By Lev Grossman, Time Magazine, 12/13/06

Daredevil claims bad rap

Though whatever the jurors believe'll
Determine the fate of Kanyevel ®,
It's a mighty big leap
To say Kanye's a creep
Who's intentions toward Evel were evil.

Kanye made me look evil - Knievel
Paul MacInnes, The Guardian, 12/13/06

Well, I declare!

Kucinich, we know him as Dennis,
Tossed his hat in the ring once again. Is
This former "boy mayor"
Becoming a player
Now that Bush has been labeled "the Menace?"



Kucinich’s Second White House Bid,
Like His First, to Focus on Iraq
By Marie Horrigan, The New York Times, 12/12/06

The new standard

In Cleveland we're jumping for joy
Now that Heisman belongs to our boy.
For most of those polled
This Buckeye was gold.
Now, all talents are measured on Troy.

He's Cleveland's man, OSU's man, Heisman
Doug Lesmerises, The Plain Dealer, 12/10/06

Knock, knock, knocking on Robert's door

The Senate would hold no debates
Before casting our lot with the Fates.
After Donald from Hell,
What's an easier sell
Than Heaven lies just beyond Gates?

Senate Confirms Gates as Secretary of Defense
By David S. Cloud, 12/7/06

Bush's "struggle for freedom"

From another bad news cycle

Once again, George W. Bush has zeroed in, with laser-like focus, on the key element of this intricate problem:

"I'm so tired of this liberal drivel
On my war in Iraq. Let them snivel
Over how it's defined.
You'd be out of your mind
To believe that the conflict's been civil!"

And Donald Rumsfeld thought that the war was too complex for the average Joe to understand!

White House Wages War of Words Over 'Civil' Term
By Peter Baker, The Washington Post, 11/29/06

A matter of emphasis

As I ponder the dead and the living
I get caught up syllabically sieving.
For those serving at war
Or the homeless and poor,
Is the stress on the "thanks" or the "giving?"

Our current day of celebration probably owes more to Abraham Lincoln than to the Pilgrims. His proclamation, in the midst of the Civil War, set the tone for our national day of thankfulness and the words still ring surprisingly true.

BY THE PRESIDENT OF THE UNITED STATES OF AMERICA
A PROCLAMATION

The year that is drawing toward its close has been filled with the blessings of fruitful fields and healthful skies. To these bounties, which are so constantly enjoyed that we are prone to forget the source from which they come, others have been added which are of so extraordinary a nature that they can not fail to penetrate and soften even the heart which is habitually insensible to the ever-watchful providence of Almighty God.

In the midst of a civil war of unequaled magnitude and severity, which has sometimes seemed to foreign states to invite and to provoke their aggression, peace has been preserved with all nations, order has been maintained, the laws have been respected and obeyed, and harmony has prevailed everywhere, except in the theater of military conflict, while that theater has been greatly contracted by the advancing armies and navies of the Union.

Needful diversions of wealth and of strength from the fields of peaceful industry to the national defense have not arrested the plow, the shuttle, or the ship; the ax has enlarged the borders of our settlements, and the mines, as well of iron and coal as of the precious metals, have yielded even more abundantly than heretofore. Population has steadily increased notwithstanding the waste that has been made in the camp, the siege, and the battlefield, and the country, rejoicing in the consciousness of augmented strength and vigor, is permitted to expect continuance of years with large increase of freedom.

No human counsel hath devised nor hath any mortal hand worked out these great things. They are the gracious gifts of the Most High God, who, while dealing with us in anger for our sins, hath nevertheless remembered mercy.

It has seemed to me fit and proper that they should be solemnly, reverently, and gratefully acknowledged, as with one heart and one voice, by the whole American people. I do therefore invite my fellow-citizens in every part of the United States, and also those who are at sea and those who are sojourning in foreign lands, to set apart and observe the last Thursday of November next as a day of thanksgiving and praise to our beneficent Father who dwelleth in the heavens. And I recommend to them that while offering up the ascriptions justly due to Him for such singular deliverances and blessings they do also, with humble penitence for our national perverseness and disobedience, commend to His tender care all those who have become widows, orphans. mourners, or sufferers in the lamentable civil strife in which we are unavoidably engaged, and fervently implore the interposition of the Almighty hand to heal the wounds of the nation and to restore it, as soon as may be consistent with the divine purposes, to the full enjoyment of peace, harmony, tranquillity, and union.

In testimony whereof I have hereunto set my hand and caused the seal of the United States to be affixed.

Done at the city of Washington, this 3d day of October, A. D. 1863, and of the Independence of the United States the eighty-eighth.

ABRAHAM LINCOLN.

By the President:

WILLIAM H. SEWARD, Secretary of State.

Happy Tha[ng](k)s-'gi-vi[ng]
or 'Tha[ng](k)s- gi-vi[ng]
however you choose to live it

And please take in the following food for thought on this day
A feast of the ordinary
By James Carroll, The Boston Globe, 11/20/06

The short goodbye

The director of Nashville and M*A*S*H
Leaves a legacy, brilliant, not brash.
It may be cliché,
But most movies today,
Compared to his worst, seem like trash.

And there is nothing that compares to Robert Altman's best like McCabe and Mrs. Miller, his sardonic view of how the West was really won; or Kansas City, a loving tribute to the history of Jazz and his hometown, set as a gangster movie.

His genre-busting style will surely be missed from the world of film.

Robert Altman, Iconoclastic Director, Dies at 81
By Rick Lyman, The New York Times, 11/21/06

Belling the cat?

We publish this urgent disclaimer
Of the fellow you knew, once, as Kramer:
If you get in his face,
He could pounce on your race
Like a lion that's turned on his tamer!

In case you miss my point:
It is easy for us to show shock and outrage at the actions of Mel Gibson, George Allen or Michael Richards; but who of us is brave enough to finally bell the cat of racism in our society?

What Lies Beneath
By Eugene Robinson, The Washington Post, 11/22/06

If the show fits

Time this running back fully admitted
To the secret of just how he did it.
For those stunned by his act
There's no doubting, in fact,
Emmitt Smith, himself, deftly acquitted.

Any resemblance to any other former running back in the news
is purely intentional but does not merit further comment.

Emmitt Smith Wins ABC's 'Dancing' Title
By Erin Carlson, Associated Press Writer
The Chicago Tribune, 11/16/06

Cheers or al-Jazeers?

Do we really have reason to fear a
One-sided, unfair al-Jazeera?
Will their English report
Only tend to distort,
Or a new point of view draw us nearer?



Slick al-Jazeera aims to surprise
By Torin Douglas, BBC News, 11/15/06

Borat's new suit

Now Borat's been sued by the "scholars"
Whose drunkenness made them name-callers.
They're just two sober gents
Whose Mel Gibson defense
Couldn't possibly be for the dollars.
[pause]
[pause]
[pause]
[pause]
[pause]
[pause]
[pause]
[pause]
[pause]
[pause]
Not!

The Savant is not proud to admit (hence, no high five) that he saw the Borat movie over the weekend. Even more embarrassing is that he laughed loudly despite himself even without the producers getting him drunk beforehand.

I am familiar with the Borat character from watching some of the Ali G DVDs, also the product of Sacha Baron Cohen, so I can offer no defense of ignorance. And, while I'm not sure exactly where I stand on Cohen's humor, it has become a guilty pleasure for me. Unlike some comedians who deal in offensive material strictly for the shock value, Cohen usually seems to be making a point about some of our cherished institutions and beliefs. Watching Borat is how I imagine it must have been seeing Lenny Bruce, live, in the 60's: disquieting, outrageous, but often outrageously funny. I can only wish him a better fate.

Frat brothers: It's Borat's fault we said racist remarks
By Meg Kinnard, AP, Chicago Sun-Times, 11/11/06

My dilemna

The voters have got to be joking
This issue is leaving me choking
I'm doing my part
Supporting the arts
But it's killing me taking up smoking

I actually voted for Issue 18 too but not without some trepidation. I always find it a dilemna when a "sin tax" is used to support a worthwhile cause, especially when they haven't even picked my favorite sin. I also wonder what it means that voters chose to tax smoking in support of the arts but at the same time voted to ban smoking in public locations. Does the syllogism reduce to: voters want to ban art from public places?

Arts-and-culture tax apparently victorious
By Carolyn Jack, The Plain Dealer, 11/8/06

Parting shot

As ever, the arrogant Rummy
Departs, neither gracious nor chummy.
Instead he reflects
How Iraq's too "complex"
To be fully absorbed by a dummy.



Rumsfeld defiant to the end
Defense Secretary quits, says war 'not well-understood'
By Lolita C. Baldor, The Chicago Sun-Times, 11/9/06

Time's awastin'

The journey begins

Now that Democrats garnered the vote,
This isn't the moment to gloat.
Unless they deliver,
They'll find they're up river
With no paddles, and out of the boat!

Democrats Promise Broad New Agenda
Now in Control, They Plan to Challenge Bush
By Jonathan Weisman and Shailagh Murray
The Washington Post, 11/8/06

Be in the heard, not in the herd

Got a grievance that's stuck in your throat?
Want a proven and safe antidote?
Awaken your voice
By makin' a choice
Or mute it by failing to vote!


Proven safe and effective when used as directed.
Best results are obtained by twice yearly administration.
May be obtained over the counter with proper I.D. Some restrictions may apply.

Side effects may include: headaches; confusion; long lines; nausea; double vision;
irritation; feelings of déjà vu; disappointment; and euphoria.
Best when used in combination with a regimen of political activism and community involvement.

We must vote, even if choices aren't choice
By Dawn Turner Trice
The Chicago Tribune, 11/6/06

Learn and spurn

For the voter who's tried to unscramble
Issue 3, I’ll provide this preamble:
We don’t need any slots;
They serve "haves" not "have-nots"
And Blackwell’s made voting the gamble.

Thought it was about time the Savant comment on local elections. For a more erudite argument, visit Writes Like She Talks for Jill Miller Zimon's series of 57 reasons to vote no on this flawed issue. At last count she was up to number 3.

As to Blackwell and his ilk, consider the Secretary of State Project. Time is short but it's not to late to vote for the right candidate.

If you believe you have been the victim of voter suppression tactics, contact the ACLU toll-free voter hotline, 1-877-523-2792. It will be available on election day from 6:30 AM to 11:00 PM.

If you are worried about long lines on Tuesday, you may still be able to vote early by "absentee ballot in person." Check electiononline.org for your state's requirements.

See NPR's Early Voting: Getting the Jump on Election Day for more info.

No on Issue 3
Proponents pitch the message of Learn and Earn.
What they are really selling is the false promise of gambling
Akron Beacon Journal, 10/18/06

Embracing our diversity

For bloggers from near and from far,
The blogosphere is the Bazaar.
The concept, ubuntu,
's the wavelength we tune to,
Where others define who we are.

Yes, I know I was mixing my metaphors or, to be more exact, my similes and metaphors. I'm afraid I haven't taken Ogden Nash's literary advice to heart (see Very Like a Whale and don't miss the link to the Byron poem, The Destruction of Sennacherib, which it lampoons).

Not being of Nash's caliber as writer or humorist, I found it necessary to abuse those tools to express my excitement over the discovery of the Bantu concept of ubuntu, "I am because we are." Suddenly, it seemed the perfect way to express my experience of the blogging phenomenon. Ubuntu seems to capture how the blogosphere (I hate that term) has created interconnectedness among many individuals, worldwide, who share their similarities and differences in a generally civilized way through posts and comments on those posts. Maybe that makes us all mixed metaphors of a sort? I know that the longer I do this the more, what was once, a solitary activity has become a conversation.

As often happens, a confluence of events led me to this post. Firstly, I caught the story about ubuntu on PRI's "The World" during my evening commute. Then, I belatedly read about Ronni Bennett's "Elderblogger PhoneCon." Ronni's recap made me sorry that I missed the telephone meet-up but hopeful for the opportunity to participate in January. If only she will schedule part of it during evening hours for those of us for whom blogging has to take a backseat to other duties. Ronni, if you do, I promise a recitation of a limerick composed especially for the occasion. Ronni's conference call and her blog, Time Goes By, in general, voice that spirit of ubuntu that I sense many of us bloggers are striving toward. Thanks, Ronni, for making the world a smaller, closer, and (greenhouse gas emissions aside) warmer place.


The Africa Report
The World, PRI, 10/26/06