No King = No Jester

The Savant would like to take this opportunity to announce that he too will be exercising his free agency in a couple of months but, unlike LBJ, he will be moving to a city (to be named later) that doesn't have a single major league sports team. Let's see if that gets the rumor mill cranking.

He made us Witness this?

All at once, without skipping a beat
Cleveland suffers its latest defeat.
Now the infamous curse
Couldn't get any worse
And LeBron will be taking the Heat.





In the end, LeBron James inflicts needless pain
on the region that raised and loved him
Terry Pluto, The Plain Dealer blog, 7/8/10

More than a game?

Listen Cleveland, there's nothing to fear;
We're convinced that LeBron's staying here.
Consider his attitude;
You're bound to feel gratitude.
He's nothing if not Cavalier.


LeBron James will choose Miami Heat tonight,
according to reports
Brian Windhorst, The Plain Dealer, 7/8/10

A pilfer of his community

Cuyahoga County Commissioner, Jimmy Dimora

Not to be confused with

deceased fellow huckster, Billy Mays

Have you ever encountered a poorer
Excuse than of Jimmy Dimora?
The conspiracy claim
Is nearly as lame
As Sodom accusing Gomorrah!

Dimora Alleges Republican Conspiracy,
Seeks Federal Investigation
Bill Rice, WCPN, 6/29/09

Not sMART

Have we ever been further apart
Than we are on the Medical Mart?
Its critics have railed
That the County has failed
In transparency right from the start!

Earlier drafts of medical mart deal had
Cuyahoga County paying overruns, kept dealings private
By Joe Guillen, The Plain Dealer, 4/10/09

Star blight

With corruption enough to appall,
The sheriff's not flustered at all.
Which proves that this guy
Can tell the big lie;
And the bigger, the harder McFaul.

A little local news today and a bone to the opposition. I've never been a big fan of Gerald McFaul, a former pipe fitter who has managed to lock up the office of Cuyahoga County Sheriff for over 30 years through old fashioned political clout and plenty of under the table dealings. He's the longest tenured on a list of shady sheriffs in this county and I hope his resignation marks a new era of responsible and respectable law enforcement in the area. But I aint holdin' my breath!

State agents raid McFaul's office, seize records
By Mark Puente, The Plain Dealer, 3/27/09

The real Travis-ty

For the people unwisely beguiled
By the notion a chimp is a child,
It's time to replace it.
You really must face it;
This primate's primarily wild!

Cleveland Clinic Gets Victim of Chimp Attack
By Lawrence K. Altman and Anahad O'Connor
The New York Times, 2/19/09

Short by design

But long on creativity

In four hundred seconds duration
You'll receive the complete presentation.
Tonight is Pecha Kucha*.
We hope that we gotcha
Intrigued by this brief conversation.

*pronounced in three syllables like "peh-chak-cha"
From the Japanese for sound of conversation or chit-chat

Come join us tonight at the House of Blues for what looks to be an interesting and inventive evening.

Pecha Kucha version 2.0
-- speed-dating for creatives and their audiences -- comes to Cleveland
Posted by Steven Litt/Plain Dealer Architecture Critic, 2/4/09

Snow time like the present

Will Congress stay frozen in ice
Or take the Obamas advice?
To a Midwestern child,
The higher it's piled,
The more we just work and play nice.


As to Ice, Chicago Still Obama's Kind of Town
D.C. Needs 'Toughness,' President Says
By Daniel de Vise and Michael Birnbaum
The Washington Post, 1/28/09

Rhyme of the patient Mariner

Seattle seemed seated in clover
When the curve-ball was tossed them by Grover.
It's hard to believe
He would just up and leave.
"When it's over," said Grover, "it's over."

Hargrove still peepless in Seattle
on any other reason for his resignation

Hargrove's integrity shines on
As both player and skipper, dedication mattered most

Hargrove Stuns Mariners, Resigning Amid Success
The New York Times, 7/2/07

Trademark infringement?

San Antonio challenged our fitness,
In Cleveland, to Rise-up^® and Witness^® ;
But expecting LeBron
To take it all on
Is a failure to Take Care of Bitness^®!

Cavs bow out but expectations rise up
By Bud Shaw, The Plain Dealer, 6/15/07

Satellite stations?

X'eM off your list!

At the risk of our seeming imperious
To anyone choosing to query us
On radio taste:
Satellite is a waste.
Put your money on news that is serious.

Yes, it's that time of year again when I have to endure the frequent interruptions to my daily dose of "Morning Edition" while the local public radio staff begs for my support. Although we are lucky enough to be within tuning distance of two NPR affiliates, there is no respite since the fundraising effort appears to be ubiquitous.

Plus, this morning, as even further affront to my Monday morning commute, I was forced to begin my 45 minute drive in utter darkness thanks to the new early onset DST (Daylight Squandering Time). But somehow, amidst Dee's pleas and Dave's raves and my own grumbling, I managed to hear some insightful stories on neglected diseases in Africa and medical treatment for our returning troops. And, as if to underscore the message that I have much to be thankful for, I was met with the most spectacular sunrise while arriving at work, a coincidence not possible without the altered standard time.

So if you need a reminder of the value of unbiased, in-depth reporting that can only come from an organization free of commercial interest, then take this unsolicited endorsement to heart and support "Serious" Radio.

Well, I declare!

Kucinich, we know him as Dennis,
Tossed his hat in the ring once again. Is
This former "boy mayor"
Becoming a player
Now that Bush has been labeled "the Menace?"



Kucinich’s Second White House Bid,
Like His First, to Focus on Iraq
By Marie Horrigan, The New York Times, 12/12/06

The new standard

In Cleveland we're jumping for joy
Now that Heisman belongs to our boy.
For most of those polled
This Buckeye was gold.
Now, all talents are measured on Troy.

He's Cleveland's man, OSU's man, Heisman
Doug Lesmerises, The Plain Dealer, 12/10/06

My dilemna

The voters have got to be joking
This issue is leaving me choking
I'm doing my part
Supporting the arts
But it's killing me taking up smoking

I actually voted for Issue 18 too but not without some trepidation. I always find it a dilemna when a "sin tax" is used to support a worthwhile cause, especially when they haven't even picked my favorite sin. I also wonder what it means that voters chose to tax smoking in support of the arts but at the same time voted to ban smoking in public locations. Does the syllogism reduce to: voters want to ban art from public places?

Arts-and-culture tax apparently victorious
By Carolyn Jack, The Plain Dealer, 11/8/06

Learn and spurn

For the voter who's tried to unscramble
Issue 3, I’ll provide this preamble:
We don’t need any slots;
They serve "haves" not "have-nots"
And Blackwell’s made voting the gamble.

Thought it was about time the Savant comment on local elections. For a more erudite argument, visit Writes Like She Talks for Jill Miller Zimon's series of 57 reasons to vote no on this flawed issue. At last count she was up to number 3.

As to Blackwell and his ilk, consider the Secretary of State Project. Time is short but it's not to late to vote for the right candidate.

If you believe you have been the victim of voter suppression tactics, contact the ACLU toll-free voter hotline, 1-877-523-2792. It will be available on election day from 6:30 AM to 11:00 PM.

If you are worried about long lines on Tuesday, you may still be able to vote early by "absentee ballot in person." Check electiononline.org for your state's requirements.

See NPR's Early Voting: Getting the Jump on Election Day for more info.

No on Issue 3
Proponents pitch the message of Learn and Earn.
What they are really selling is the false promise of gambling
Akron Beacon Journal, 10/18/06

...that only a mother could love

"M" is for her every mot, très bon.
"O" is for the void she leaves when gone.
"M" for if I May
Celebrate her day
With a Limerick of All Mothers Marathon.

Welcome to the 1st (annual?) Carnival of Moms or, as it will forever be known on this blog, the Limerick of All Mothers Marathon. I have invited a number of bloggers more talented than I (and certainly those hacks at Hallmark) to help me create, if not the best, at least the wordiest Mothers’ Day card ever. I was overwhelmed by the response and touched to learn that so many of them had mothers too. Like many a greeting card you may find some humor, some poignancy and maybe even some schmaltz (see above rhyme) but, as far as I can tell, there are no fart jokes. So take your time browsing and pick out whatever you like but please don’t switch the envelopes.

It rhymes with “balm” or “bomb”

Yes, it seems it’s much easier for we sons to idealize the relationship. Maybe it’s the Oedipus thing, but just wait until Father’s Day.

Graham from Point2Point who is a talented limerickist and writer sent this link to a fine quartet of Mother’s Day limericks.

Aparna, who may be my alter-ego in India, with his newsmiricks blog provided this trio:
I
On this truth, I am ready to swear,
That since God could not be everywhere,
He fashioned these others,
And titling them 'mothers',
Gave them part of his creation to bear!

II
She held you nine months in her tummy,
Was excited when you called her 'mummy'.
She hugged and she scolded,
You were nurtured and moulded,
And she made all those cookies, real yummy!

III
You may feel you don't owe her a dime,
She's a nag, who's now well past her prime.
But remember those years,
When she hugged off your fears,
On this day, give her a gift -- of your time.

Robert Duplantier, who has actually figured out a way to make money writing limericks, generously contributed five of his which may be found among many others on his Politickles website.

KID STUFF
"We bought goofy games to play
And weird-smelling modeling clay,
Plus lots of toys
That make loud noise,
To give Mom on Mother's Day."

PERSONAL GROWTH
Someone started a silly rumor
About Mother's sense of humor:
Seems she'd sworn
'Til the day I was born
That she planned to call me "Tumor."

MOTHER FIGURE
How the concept contributes to mirth:
This idea that our mother's the earth!
Is your Mom fat and round,
Several septillion pounds,
With a 25,000-mile girth?

MIXED BREED
The fertility clinic messed up
And assigned to my wife the wrong "cup":
Thanks to their help,
She delivered a whelp
And I'm now the proud pop of a pup!

FALLS CONFIDENCE?
There's no better month than June
For a second honeymoon,
So it's off to Niagara
With a quart of Viagra
And an extra-large measuring spoon!

One of Aparna’s readers, Padmaja was kind enough to send this little ditty:

Do we need Mother's Day
To bring up the urge to say,
Ma, I love you n thank you
'Cos you are one of the few
With whom I always have my way!


Jeff at Have Coffee Will Write got the idea this was a contest. Maybe I’ll have to send him a yellowing copy of the Savant’s chap book, Four-year Funk for these acerbic selections:

Limerick of All Mothers I
Limerick of All Mothers II
Limerick of All Mothers III

Or maybe he should just cut back on the caffeine.

What’s it like growing up with an Italian mother? Tony at The Blast Furnace will tell you. He also passed along this advice for using limericks as a public speaking tool:

Funny story -- about 10-12 years ago, as part of a "Free Speech Day" celebration at Youngstown State, I was invited to participate in a reading sponsored by the English department. Most of the other participants in the event were very serious about the whole thing, but I couldn't shake Tom Lehrer's "dirty books are fun" quote out of my head for about a week prior to the reading. Determined to make people laugh (and squirm), I brought with me a tome of baudy limericks from the 1960's I borrowed from my mom with some of my favorites earmarked.

And mourning becomes Electra

Daughters and mothers seem to share a different perspective. Maybe that is because they can be, and often are, both.

One of my favorite blogs, when I find time to read them, is Texas Trifles. The very talented writer and proprietor, Cowtown Pattie, took aim and hit her mark.

An Ode to Joyce

My personal birth-giver is neither saccarine nor sour
And much too onery for any ivory tower
Her razor-sharp tongue filets to the bone
Never softening words, the meaning well honed
Who else but "the Joyce" could wield such maternal power?

(*Aye, tis true my mom is a thorny burr in my side, but I love her!)


Mad Kane, the matter to Bob Duplantier’s anti-matter, offers up this Mother’s Day Limerick. Check out the “Secret Shopper” post and her humorous political verse while you’re at it.

Jill, who Writes Like She Talks, and, unlike the Savant, doesn’t speak in rhyme, still sent along these two offerings:

There once was a mother named Jill
Whose life mirrored Sysiphus and the hill
Her three kids she did push
Til her brain was but mush
Yet her love for them grew even still.

Oh mother what color is your hair
I know it was once naturally fair
I swore that I wouldn't
Cause I always thought you shouldn't
But now that I do? What a scare.

Annie has been taking into consideration how that relationship with mom goes better with the right wine.

Thanks to Jude from the Hinterlands of Australia for reminding us about Remembering our mothers even when they no longer remember us.

Elaine of Kaliliy bravely shares the reality of being the primary caregiver to a parent who has never been your best friend.

Tamar lets us take in the unique wisdom of African-American mothers from a book given by a friend.

Finally, despite being in the midst of a move to Maine from NYC, Ronni sends A Mother's Last Best Lesson, a three month series of posts about her mother’s final days.

I would like to finish this marathon on a personal, but lighter, note that has meaning in my family but may resonate for some other readers as well.

Now, Mom, so you'll know that it's me
I'll recall your ubiquitous plea:
Whenever they fought,
Your children were taught,
"Little birds in their nests will agree."

This phrase, (actually "birds in their little nests agree") purportedly borrowed from Little Women, (though harder to find there than a solution to the Da Vinci Code) was uttered, with perfect timing by my mother, for years in the midst of nearly every sibling brawl. The words, in their simple inanity, stunned my sisters and myself into total silence and brought even the most virulent disagreement to a sudden halt.

Even at a very young age, we were dumbfounded by such triteness coming from the mouth of this, otherwise, intelligent and well-spoken woman. We were convinced that this must surely be an early symptom of some rare, wasting "jungle" disease caused by the bite of an insect smaller than a grain of kosher salt and whose name could only be pronounced using a series of tongue clicks and guttural burps. Needless to say, our other concerns of the moment paled by comparison and we would rush, in unison, to her side to comfort and reassure her. Such is the wisdom of a mother.

Thank you, Mom, and, on that, I think we "birds" all agree.

Thanks to all who helped publicize this effort including George at Brewed Fresh Daily.

Arachnophilia

You can't keep a good city down
With so many claims to renown.
What Web destination
Is best in the nation?
Why, Cleveland, while Spidey's in town!



It's lights, camera, action on Euclid
Spidey crew ready to spin its magic
Julie E. Washington, The Plain Dealer, 4/21/06

Orchestrating a takeover?

The Rosenberg Principle

The brilliant young maestro, James Gaffigan
Is twice the conductor, and half again,
As Franz Welzer Most.
Incredible boast?
Well, yes. I'm just kidding, so laugh again!

A start that's anything but same old, same old
Donald Rosenberg, Music Critic
The Plain Dealer, 1/7/06

What! No Tilt-A-Whirl?

Our ideal, into real, oft collides
When it's somebody else that decides.
It needed a symbol;
The writing was nimble,
But where were the Carnival rides?

Congratulations from the freak show at the far end of the midway of NEO bloggers.

NEO Nimble Minds Carnival
The first ever carnival of North East Ohio bloggers