A break in the clouds

As if we had not had our fill
Of kill upon kill upon kill;
But Hope shines a ray
Of respite today.
With relief, we can welcome home Jill.

Journalist Jill Carroll Released in Iraq
By Jonathan Finer and Ellen Knickmeyer
The Washington Post, 3/30/06

Sideshow Savant

This carnival, broad as humanity,
Hawks wisdom as well as inanity.
So, if you will go
To the Beltway, below,
You'll find I'm indulging my vanity.

Addendum:
I was remiss in not acknowledging these other fine carnivals that also had the good taste to showcase the Savant-

The Carnival of Satire (#27)
At the skwib, 3/30/06

Carnival of Comedy 48: The Border Patrol Edition
At Dr. Phat Tony's, 3/29/06

Carnival Of The Celebrities
At Don Surber, 3/25/06

Carnival Of The Vanities # 184
At Below the Beltway, 3/29/06

Guessed workers easily exploited

Immigration reform's come of age
Now that President Bush set the stage.
You may stay as our guest
And there's only one test:
That you'll work below minimum wage.

Immigration Follies
By Robert B. Reich, Web Exclusive
The American Prospect, 3/29/06

Chef's return: a dish served cold

He who shafts last, shafts best

Is it tasteful, not even a smidgen,
Using faith like a comic clay pigeon?
We applaud Isaac Hayes
For amending his ways
In defense of his crackpot religion!

Speaking of pigeons, see the Savant's take on another controversy over humor v. religion.

A 'South Park' Character's Return Becomes an Opportunity for Revenge
By Alessandra Stanley, The New York Times, 3/24/06

The oracle speaks again

Will the buyouts hold any appeal?
After decades asleep at the wheel,
GM's taking these chances
To amend the finances;
But, for workers, it's "Deal or No Deal."

PLAN FOR SURVIVAL:
Up to 113,000 eligible for GM buyouts, opening door for Delphi exits
By Michael Ellis, Detroit Free Press, 3/23/06

Ratings plummet for the West Wing?

With strategic security theories
Reasserted by Bush, patience wearies.
Even sponsors are tempted
That he be preempted.
Better yet, why not cancel the series!

Bush to Restate Terror Strategy
2002 Doctrine of Preemptive War To Be Reaffirmed
By Peter Baker, Washington Post, 3/16/06

Limericks 101

Getting your feet whet

A limerick's mostly in jest,
But must pass a most arduous test.
No matter how witty
The ultimate ditty;
It is mostly a pun an' a pest!

I've had a number of recent visitors linking from the "limerick (poetry)" citation on Wikipedia in addition to a few requests for assistance writing limericks. I can only surmise that the latter were desperately trying to finish a high school English assignment at the last minute from the nature of their requests.

Despite the name, the Savant does not claim exceptional knowledge of this form, only exceptional ego. In fact, I often violate the rules and have occasionally been accused of antidactyl dysfunction by purists who say my verse doesn't scan properly. To them, I say, "Lighten up! It's only a limerick."

For those wanting instruction, I recommend the "Limerick Discussion Page" on David Finley's site, but don't blame me if your teacher gives you the "F" anyway. If you're looking for bawdy limericks, the definitive source is The Limerick, 1979, by G. Legman but it may be out of print. And now, in the words of Edward R. Morrow, good night and good luck.

Anapaest: Wikipedia entry
(No, it's not a city in Hungary)

Cheers, Mrs. Gundersen

How could dishwashing get a bad rap
When good fortune falls into your lap?
Though a line has been crossed,
We think nothing is lost
With the suds flowing right from your tap!

Beer pours from apartment's kitchen faucet
Chicago Sun-Times, 3/14/06

Guess we knew how to quit you?

Any stories of torture or shock
That the prisoners report from the block?
We're tellin' you, babe,
It ain't us! Abu Ghraib
Now belongs to our friends in Iraq.

U.S. to Hand Over Notorious Prison to Iraq
The Guardian, 3/9/06

What he did for Love - 40

Succeeding at tennis is tricky;
So a parent who isn't too picky
As to how his kids win,
Might commit a small sin
And slip their opponent a Mickey.

Frenchman gets 8 yrs jail for drugging tennis foes
By Jean-Yves Saint-Ceran, Reuters
The Washington Post, 3/9/06

Finish this sentence:

"I am al-Qaeda..."

The Feds now admit that they might
Have stopped 9-11 pre-flight
And claim it is how we
Were duped by Moussaoui
That terrorists hid in plain sight.

Moussaoui 'hid 9/11 plot details'
BBC News, 3/7/06

An i for an i

With computer woes setting me back,
i'M afraid that i'Ve gotten off track.
Now, i'D give my iPod
To appease the iGod
If only he'd save my iMac!

What a week! After the second logic board replacement in two weeks on Rene's iBook and two complete OS installs, I am settling down to try reinstalling third party software and backed-up data again. And to top it off, the SuperDrive on the iMac just failed!

So, I'm sorry for neglecting my limerick duties, but I've been a little preoccupied. If this keeps up, Apple's Switch campaign may just backfire on them. Whoops! I forgot. Apple has already pulled that switch!

Expanded iBook Logic Board Repair Extension Program

iBook Logic Board Failure Petition

iMac Discussion: SuperDrive just stopped working

Veteran hacks give veteran, Hackett, the hatchet

So goes the political racket:
"His campaign? What a shame; we won't back it,"
Says the D.S.S.C.
They think Brown's meant to be
And decided that Paul cannot Hackett.

Veteran quits race for Senate
Ohio Democrat pressured by party
By David Hammer, Associated Press
The Boston Globe, 2/15/06

Meets, shoots, and leaves

Don't you think as a matter of course
Mr. Cheney should show some remorse?
Instead he'll attempt
To claim he's exempt:
Didn't Congress approve use of force?

Cheney's Response A Concern In GOP
Public Statement On Shooting Urged
By Jim VandeHei and Peter Baker
Washington Post, 2/15/06

Quailed by the idea

With a nod to Mother Goose and Cowtown Pattie for the idea:

Bye, bye baby bunting
Cheney's gone a-hunting
And shot a damned Republican
He'll never be so smug again

Cheney Lacked $7 Hunting Credential
By Nicholas Riccardi and James Gerstenzang
Los Angeles Times, 2/14/06

Happy VD

It's a day you are destined to shine.
Buy some flowers or bottle of wine
And treat the one dearest
To whom you are nearest.
Every day, be your own Valentine.

Friendly fire

Potshot Dick has become the top story,
Not because of the blast, but the quarry.
Were John Kerry the prey,
He'd explain it away,
But he's feckless for shooting a tory.


Cheney Shoots Fellow Hunter in Texas Accident
By Shailagh Murray and Peter Baker
Washington Post, 2/13/06

300 reasons to stay outside Firewall

With Harrison looking so bored,
The marketing gets the award.
It seems that the car,
In the ads, is the star.
And the winner is... Chrysler, not Ford!



Firewall
Bill Muller, The Arizona Republic, 2/10/06

Listening for the hidden message

By revealing this thwarted attack
I expect I can knock you off track
From how we surveilled
And all that entailed.
Maybe now you will cut me some slack.

Bush Says Cooperation Foiled 2002 Terrorist Scheme
By William Branigin, Washington Post, 2/9/06

Looking for comedy in the...

Muslim Christian Jewish Hindu World?

The outrage has spread like a rumor
And grown like a cancerous tumor.
Thus, as to religion,
Who's hit by the pigeon
Determines who senses the humor.









Did you hear about the atheist's funeral?
All dressed up and nowhere to go.

Special Report: Cartoon Protests
The Guardian, 2/7/06

Eavesdropping on the Judiciary Committee

Q:
You won't detail wiretapping, now, will you?
We've confronted the lies and, yet, still you
Construct a stone wall.
A:
If I answered, at all,
Mr. Senator, I'd have to kill you!


U.S. Senate Judiciary Committee
Holds a Hearing on Wartime Executive Power
and the National Security Agency's Surveillance Authority
Transcript in the Washington Post, 2/6/06

Why, ain’t that work?

Well, maybe it is, and maybe it ain’t. All I know, is, it suits Limerick Savant.

River Ratt of the Ratt Hole saw how much fun I was having and offered up this timely verse but, I'm sorry, I just couldn't accept any more unsolicited submissions at limericksavantATgmailDOTcom.

His political career has been rocky,
In the race to succeed George Pataki,
So Tom Golisano
Won't go mano a mano,
Preferring to stick with his hockey.

Golisano says 'no' to governor's race
Tom Precious, The Buffalo News, 2/91/06

Ka-Qing! That'll cost you

It's clear that we can't take you places.
Now, you've gone and destroyed priceless vases!
You ignored her advice
And you're paying the price.
Mom told you to tie up those laces!

Thanks to Mags at You Forgot Poland for alerting me to this story. And check out this tasty little limerick from her as well. Bet that will wake you up in the morning!

Historic vases smashed in stumble
BBC News, 1/30/06

Brokeback President

A State of the Union synopsis

Yes, the war isn't o'er and I spy.
Give my right-wing agenda a try.
Despite the brickbats,
I can woo Democrats
If we're partisan, can't we be bi?

Bush Speech to Congress Offers Few New Proposals
NPR, 2/1/06

Freyed Oprah tears into "Pieces"

Who'd ya think you were fooling, ya dope ya,
By treating the truth as a trope! The
Real price, Mr. Frey,
To be paid for your lie,
Is the fact there's no messing with Oprah.

Now, if she'd only take on Bush!

Live on 'Oprah,' a Memoirist Is Kicked Out of the Book Club
By Edward Wyatt, The New York Times, 1/27/06

Berry worried

Before you start ranting and raving
Over BlackBerry's patent suit caving:
The likely injunction
May cause some dysfunction
But think of the thumbs they'll be saving!

BlackBerry blackout could be costly
By Grace Wong, CNN, 1/24/06

Fodder of his country

Bush says that he's only applying
Rules Washington used as to spying;
But the rule we were taught
Was that, even when caught,
That "George" wouldn't be caught by his lying

Administration Continues Eavesdropping Defense
By John O'Neil, The New York Times, 1/24/06

Pointing the way

After Sunday's career eighty-one,
Kobe stunned all his critics, bar none.
"I'm just self-reliant,
Not selfish," says Bryant
"And won't wilt 'til the record's outdone."

With 81 Points, Kobe Crushes Critics
ABC News, 1/23/06

Swiss miss

Dick Marty has advanced the suspicion
That the EU condoned inquisition.
It's the same tortured song
That we've heard far too long
And we still do not like the rendition.

Report accuses US of 'outsourcing' torture
By Philippe Naughton, Times Online, 1/24/06

Globe trotter

Each year, at this time, movie's hordes
Come to Holly wood like it was Lourdes.
I wish I could quit you
But have to know which you
Will bless with those shiny awards.

Globe wins establish `Brokeback Mountain' as Oscar favorite
David Germain, Miami Herald, 1/17/06

Happy punniversary!

After more than a year, it is time
I acknowledge this fellow in rhyme.
His writing's insightful;
His punning is frightful;
But it's all Brother K.'s paradigm.

Brother Kenya's Paradigm

Another Alito graffito

While our senators spar the devices
Of recusal and stare decisis;
Is Alito v. Roe
How it's destined to go?
We don't know but so far we see crisis.

A Right Cautious Nominee
Measured Replies Paint Picture With a Conservative Tint
By Charles Lane, Washington Post 1/13/06

Origin of specious

You may think the Savant had resolved:
"In '06, politics? Not involved!"
Could domestic surveillance
By right-wing assailants
Have meant I'd have thusly devolved?

No, I haven't been losing my spine.
My omissions are only a sign
That there never has been
An intelligence in
My creation by limerick design.

BREAKTHROUGH OF THE YEAR:
Evolution in Action
Elizabeth Culotta and Elizabeth Pennisi
Science, 12/23/05

Orchestrating a takeover?

The Rosenberg Principle

The brilliant young maestro, James Gaffigan
Is twice the conductor, and half again,
As Franz Welzer Most.
Incredible boast?
Well, yes. I'm just kidding, so laugh again!

A start that's anything but same old, same old
Donald Rosenberg, Music Critic
The Plain Dealer, 1/7/06

Risky business

As a user of slang, I'm no slouch,
But the winner this year is an "Ouch!"
I would much rather use,
"He has gone on a Cruise."
Or would that just be "jumping the couch."

‘Jump the couch’ is top gun of slang in '05
MSNBC 12/30/05