Cheers, Mrs. Gundersen

How could dishwashing get a bad rap
When good fortune falls into your lap?
Though a line has been crossed,
We think nothing is lost
With the suds flowing right from your tap!

Beer pours from apartment's kitchen faucet
Chicago Sun-Times, 3/14/06

Guess we knew how to quit you?

Any stories of torture or shock
That the prisoners report from the block?
We're tellin' you, babe,
It ain't us! Abu Ghraib
Now belongs to our friends in Iraq.

U.S. to Hand Over Notorious Prison to Iraq
The Guardian, 3/9/06

What he did for Love - 40

Succeeding at tennis is tricky;
So a parent who isn't too picky
As to how his kids win,
Might commit a small sin
And slip their opponent a Mickey.

Frenchman gets 8 yrs jail for drugging tennis foes
By Jean-Yves Saint-Ceran, Reuters
The Washington Post, 3/9/06

Finish this sentence:

"I am al-Qaeda..."

The Feds now admit that they might
Have stopped 9-11 pre-flight
And claim it is how we
Were duped by Moussaoui
That terrorists hid in plain sight.

Moussaoui 'hid 9/11 plot details'
BBC News, 3/7/06

An i for an i

With computer woes setting me back,
i'M afraid that i'Ve gotten off track.
Now, i'D give my iPod
To appease the iGod
If only he'd save my iMac!

What a week! After the second logic board replacement in two weeks on Rene's iBook and two complete OS installs, I am settling down to try reinstalling third party software and backed-up data again. And to top it off, the SuperDrive on the iMac just failed!

So, I'm sorry for neglecting my limerick duties, but I've been a little preoccupied. If this keeps up, Apple's Switch campaign may just backfire on them. Whoops! I forgot. Apple has already pulled that switch!

Expanded iBook Logic Board Repair Extension Program

iBook Logic Board Failure Petition

iMac Discussion: SuperDrive just stopped working

Veteran hacks give veteran, Hackett, the hatchet

So goes the political racket:
"His campaign? What a shame; we won't back it,"
Says the D.S.S.C.
They think Brown's meant to be
And decided that Paul cannot Hackett.

Veteran quits race for Senate
Ohio Democrat pressured by party
By David Hammer, Associated Press
The Boston Globe, 2/15/06

Meets, shoots, and leaves

Don't you think as a matter of course
Mr. Cheney should show some remorse?
Instead he'll attempt
To claim he's exempt:
Didn't Congress approve use of force?

Cheney's Response A Concern In GOP
Public Statement On Shooting Urged
By Jim VandeHei and Peter Baker
Washington Post, 2/15/06

Quailed by the idea

With a nod to Mother Goose and Cowtown Pattie for the idea:

Bye, bye baby bunting
Cheney's gone a-hunting
And shot a damned Republican
He'll never be so smug again

Cheney Lacked $7 Hunting Credential
By Nicholas Riccardi and James Gerstenzang
Los Angeles Times, 2/14/06

Happy VD

It's a day you are destined to shine.
Buy some flowers or bottle of wine
And treat the one dearest
To whom you are nearest.
Every day, be your own Valentine.

Friendly fire

Potshot Dick has become the top story,
Not because of the blast, but the quarry.
Were John Kerry the prey,
He'd explain it away,
But he's feckless for shooting a tory.


Cheney Shoots Fellow Hunter in Texas Accident
By Shailagh Murray and Peter Baker
Washington Post, 2/13/06

300 reasons to stay outside Firewall

With Harrison looking so bored,
The marketing gets the award.
It seems that the car,
In the ads, is the star.
And the winner is... Chrysler, not Ford!



Firewall
Bill Muller, The Arizona Republic, 2/10/06

Listening for the hidden message

By revealing this thwarted attack
I expect I can knock you off track
From how we surveilled
And all that entailed.
Maybe now you will cut me some slack.

Bush Says Cooperation Foiled 2002 Terrorist Scheme
By William Branigin, Washington Post, 2/9/06

Looking for comedy in the...

Muslim Christian Jewish Hindu World?

The outrage has spread like a rumor
And grown like a cancerous tumor.
Thus, as to religion,
Who's hit by the pigeon
Determines who senses the humor.









Did you hear about the atheist's funeral?
All dressed up and nowhere to go.

Special Report: Cartoon Protests
The Guardian, 2/7/06

Eavesdropping on the Judiciary Committee

Q:
You won't detail wiretapping, now, will you?
We've confronted the lies and, yet, still you
Construct a stone wall.
A:
If I answered, at all,
Mr. Senator, I'd have to kill you!


U.S. Senate Judiciary Committee
Holds a Hearing on Wartime Executive Power
and the National Security Agency's Surveillance Authority
Transcript in the Washington Post, 2/6/06

Why, ain’t that work?

Well, maybe it is, and maybe it ain’t. All I know, is, it suits Limerick Savant.

River Ratt of the Ratt Hole saw how much fun I was having and offered up this timely verse but, I'm sorry, I just couldn't accept any more unsolicited submissions at limericksavantATgmailDOTcom.

His political career has been rocky,
In the race to succeed George Pataki,
So Tom Golisano
Won't go mano a mano,
Preferring to stick with his hockey.

Golisano says 'no' to governor's race
Tom Precious, The Buffalo News, 2/91/06

Ka-Qing! That'll cost you

It's clear that we can't take you places.
Now, you've gone and destroyed priceless vases!
You ignored her advice
And you're paying the price.
Mom told you to tie up those laces!

Thanks to Mags at You Forgot Poland for alerting me to this story. And check out this tasty little limerick from her as well. Bet that will wake you up in the morning!

Historic vases smashed in stumble
BBC News, 1/30/06

Brokeback President

A State of the Union synopsis

Yes, the war isn't o'er and I spy.
Give my right-wing agenda a try.
Despite the brickbats,
I can woo Democrats
If we're partisan, can't we be bi?

Bush Speech to Congress Offers Few New Proposals
NPR, 2/1/06

Freyed Oprah tears into "Pieces"

Who'd ya think you were fooling, ya dope ya,
By treating the truth as a trope! The
Real price, Mr. Frey,
To be paid for your lie,
Is the fact there's no messing with Oprah.

Now, if she'd only take on Bush!

Live on 'Oprah,' a Memoirist Is Kicked Out of the Book Club
By Edward Wyatt, The New York Times, 1/27/06

Berry worried

Before you start ranting and raving
Over BlackBerry's patent suit caving:
The likely injunction
May cause some dysfunction
But think of the thumbs they'll be saving!

BlackBerry blackout could be costly
By Grace Wong, CNN, 1/24/06

Fodder of his country

Bush says that he's only applying
Rules Washington used as to spying;
But the rule we were taught
Was that, even when caught,
That "George" wouldn't be caught by his lying

Administration Continues Eavesdropping Defense
By John O'Neil, The New York Times, 1/24/06

Pointing the way

After Sunday's career eighty-one,
Kobe stunned all his critics, bar none.
"I'm just self-reliant,
Not selfish," says Bryant
"And won't wilt 'til the record's outdone."

With 81 Points, Kobe Crushes Critics
ABC News, 1/23/06

Swiss miss

Dick Marty has advanced the suspicion
That the EU condoned inquisition.
It's the same tortured song
That we've heard far too long
And we still do not like the rendition.

Report accuses US of 'outsourcing' torture
By Philippe Naughton, Times Online, 1/24/06

Globe trotter

Each year, at this time, movie's hordes
Come to Holly wood like it was Lourdes.
I wish I could quit you
But have to know which you
Will bless with those shiny awards.

Globe wins establish `Brokeback Mountain' as Oscar favorite
David Germain, Miami Herald, 1/17/06

Happy punniversary!

After more than a year, it is time
I acknowledge this fellow in rhyme.
His writing's insightful;
His punning is frightful;
But it's all Brother K.'s paradigm.

Brother Kenya's Paradigm

Another Alito graffito

While our senators spar the devices
Of recusal and stare decisis;
Is Alito v. Roe
How it's destined to go?
We don't know but so far we see crisis.

A Right Cautious Nominee
Measured Replies Paint Picture With a Conservative Tint
By Charles Lane, Washington Post 1/13/06

Origin of specious

You may think the Savant had resolved:
"In '06, politics? Not involved!"
Could domestic surveillance
By right-wing assailants
Have meant I'd have thusly devolved?

No, I haven't been losing my spine.
My omissions are only a sign
That there never has been
An intelligence in
My creation by limerick design.

BREAKTHROUGH OF THE YEAR:
Evolution in Action
Elizabeth Culotta and Elizabeth Pennisi
Science, 12/23/05

Orchestrating a takeover?

The Rosenberg Principle

The brilliant young maestro, James Gaffigan
Is twice the conductor, and half again,
As Franz Welzer Most.
Incredible boast?
Well, yes. I'm just kidding, so laugh again!

A start that's anything but same old, same old
Donald Rosenberg, Music Critic
The Plain Dealer, 1/7/06

Risky business

As a user of slang, I'm no slouch,
But the winner this year is an "Ouch!"
I would much rather use,
"He has gone on a Cruise."
Or would that just be "jumping the couch."

‘Jump the couch’ is top gun of slang in '05
MSNBC 12/30/05

Monkey see - monkey do

A Review

Peter Jackson's created a "Kong"
That will make every movie buff long
To return to Skull Island.
It's a movie with style and
Delivers some brains with the brawn.

Merry Fristmas

'Twas the week before Christmas
and all through the House,
the congressmen grumbled
and started to grouse.

"We've carefully crafted
our measures to hide
any hint of goodwill.
Now the Senate's denied

Our attempt to have all
Civil liberties sacked
By renewing a barely
Changed PATRIOT act;

And drilling in ANWR
Was set to commence
Until the damn Senate
Cut that from Defense!

So our stockings are empty
As we're set to recess
But before we go home
We just have to express

Our seasonal greeting
That 'Never you fear,
If we don't get it now,
You just wait 'til next year!'"


Postponing Debate, Congress Extends Terror Law 5 Weeks
By Sheryl Gay Stolberg, The New York Times, 12/23/05

Finding solace in the solstice

This concern over greetings is rot!
Will my wishes be P.C. or not?
After weighing the trends,
I'll seek equal offense
And express them so "X" marks the spot.

Merry Xmas
Peace on earth
Good will toward men all

Church groups confront Wal-Mart for dropping Christmas message
By Tom Chorneau, San Jose Mercury News, 12/17/05
[And there are so many better reasons to attack Wal-Mart!]

History 102

Now dear students, it only is fair
That we seek to contrast and compare:
Was Bush-ordered spying
And pattern of lying
On a par with the Clinton affair?

Bigger brother
Editorial, Los Angeles Times, 12/18/05

Patriots Act! - call to action

I posted the following back in June but it, again, seems relevant.

It's time that each citizen be sure
How we act as to 'search' and to 'seizure:'
When rights are erased
By Congress, in haste,
We get to repent it at leisure!

"Married in haste, we may repent at leisure."
- William Congreve (1670-1729)
English dramatist
from The Old Bachelor, act v. sc. 1.

Contact your representatives and ask for an annulment!

If that's not enough to inspire you, check out Cowtown Pattie's more reasoned argument.

and if that's not enough to convince you, then how about this:

Bush Secretly Lifted Some Limits on Spying in U.S. After 9/11, Officials Say
By James Risen and Eric Lichtblau, The New York Times, 12/15/05

Critics of Patriot Act Gaining Momentum in Senate
By Richard B. Schmitt, Los Angeles Times, 12/16/05

Dyeing for a change?

While thoughts of past tyranny linger
Iraqis might shoot us a zinger;
And seek their redress
On those who oppress,
And give us the purple-stained finger.

Heavy Sunni Turnout as Iraqis Vote for Parliament
By Dexter Filkins, The New York Times, 12/15/05

A message from the sisters at

Gamma Gamma Chi

It's OK if you're wondering why
Would a Muslim sorority try
To open on campus,
But please do not stamp us
"The Sweethearts of al-Qaida Chi."

For Muslims seeking sisterhood, fledgling sorority may be answer
By Jenny Jarvie, Los Angeles Times, 12/11/05