"Less filling!" "Tastes great!!" "Less filling!!!" Tastes great!!!!"

The Savant proposes the following simple test to be administered to prospective candidates for the police academy; Harvard professorships; and President of the United States. [N.B. This should not apply to candidates for the Vice-Presidency, so Sarah and Joe can quit sweating. After all we still need some entertainment.]

Fill in the blank:

A rule of diplomacy states:
When engaging in ________ debates,
You better use tact.
If you overreact,
You are certain to open flood Gates.

Choose the best answer:

a. legal
b. racial
c. ethnic
d. classroom
e. White House
f. press corp
g. heated
h. beer-fueled
i. all of the above

The Audacity of Hops
By Jake Tapper, ABC News, 7/30/09

Who sesso?

Said Prime Minister, S. Berlusconi,
"I'm insulted by all this Bologna
That implies I would pay;
When they line up to play,
Just for pleasure, with my cannelloni!"

Silvio Berlusconi’s age wins him support over alleged affairs
By Rosemary Righter, The Times, 7/22/09

You were there

He needn't rely on some buzz.
He was Cronkite! We watched him because.
When New Media rules
While forgetting the tools,
We'll remember the way that it was.

It seems fitting to honor this man on the anniversary of the moon landing. How can we forget the shared mix of excitement and relief we felt when "Uncle Walter" took off his glasses and said "Whew! Boy!"

Cronkite -- that's the way he was
Colleague Daniel Schorr says that legendary newsman
Walter Cronkite represented something deep
in the psyche of America, embodied in the word trust.
By Daniel Schorr, Los Angeles Times, 7/20/09

Gay Divorcee

Like the drunkard that drove mothers MADD,
Good can often arise from the bad;
Despite all of it's hype
Bruno's stereotype
Is why we're unhappy at GLAAD

'Bruno' doesn't help gays
The movie is intended to satirize homophobia,
but too often it misses the mark.
By Rashad Robinson, Los Angeles Times, 7/12/09

Stiff opposition

You might think that the matter is silly.
In Chicago reaction's been chilly.
No one's shouting out "Cheers!"
That erection of Sears
Has simply become a Big Willie.

Chicago icon's new name may take time to stick
By Nick Carey,Reuters, 7/16/09

Equal time

The Savant received the following anonymous response that he cannot confirm as legitmate and may have come from one of those "fake" Sarah Palins that seem to have taken over the web world. He publishes it with the proviso that, like everything "Sarah Palin" these days, it should be taken with a grain of salt.

How dare you imply I'm a quitter!
I have reason enough to fell bitter.
If you'd been as maligned,
You might have resigned
In order to find a good sitter.

I don't know; Alaska!

Is she needin' to tend to her litter?
Does she think she's a heavier hitter?
So why is she bailin'?
It permits Sarah Palin
To become the prime twit with a Twitter?

Sarah Palin's exit as Alaska governor stuns, puzzles observers
By Mark Z. Barabak and Robin Abcarian
The Los Angeles Times, 7/4/09

A pilfer of his community

Cuyahoga County Commissioner, Jimmy Dimora

Not to be confused with

deceased fellow huckster, Billy Mays

Have you ever encountered a poorer
Excuse than of Jimmy Dimora?
The conspiracy claim
Is nearly as lame
As Sodom accusing Gomorrah!

Dimora Alleges Republican Conspiracy,
Seeks Federal Investigation
Bill Rice, WCPN, 6/29/09